Going back to uni after time away

Sounds cliche but you're stronger than you think you are
You've managed to get this far
I understand how you feel with your friends moving on because I was in the same situ with repeating
But I managed to make new ones (and if I'm honest they're better friends!)

A new batch of freshers also means a new start in a way
You can do this

I started my first year in September 2023, but had (what I was told was) a manic episode in the December and was made to take an 'intercalation' year so that I wouldn't mess up the other people in my accommodation. Looking back this was definitely the right idea, but at the time I was completely against it and felt like I was being kicked out (I was lol).

I'm on medication and have had a lot of counselling so my mental state is a lot more stable, but this coming September I'll be going back to uni and I'm worried about so, so many things.

My main worry is that my friends have moved on without me. I'm living with three of them in a student house and, in all honesty, I haven't communicated with them as much as I would have liked to. Because of this I can't help but feel like I'm shoving myself in with some people that have already figured everything out. They're all lovely people, and I know that housemates aren't always the best anyway, but these three saw me in one of the worst times in my life. I was drunk at all times, took every substance that was given to me, and did whoever asked me to. It's a bit of a cliche but I wasn't myself. I got a reputation for sleeping around and had people invite me to 'parties' that ended up just being alone with another guy in his room.

They remember me as that awful person, and are all going to be in second year while I'll be in first. They're all going to have their own friendship circles, but I'll only have them.

Another worry is that I'm going to have another 'episode'. This is self-explanatory, really. I'm scared that I'll fall apart again and ruin both my friendships and my academic career.

I'm also stressed about wether the university will put me on the right course. This is a bit more of a paranoid one but I'm worried that I'll turn up to my first lecture and I'll be in a second-year class.

Thank you to anyone who read this far, I genuinely appreciate it. This was a bit of a vent but I really need to let these words into the world or I'll just store them up for far too long. : )