Bf. 3kids. Staying over. Should I break up. 10years older
Okay so my bf is 34 and I’m 24. We have a good relationship. He has 3 kids.
When I met him his kids was out the country for about 9 months. They came back and he saw them for the day every week. Sometimes if he’s busy it will be every 2 weeks. I see him only on the weekend like the evening of the Saturday as he would see them the Saturday morning and afternoon. Anyways now his oldest he said he wanted him to stay over ( the 1st time) and he did but then I was suppose to come after he dropped the 1st home but he still hasn’t messaged me since last night and he posted a picture with the oldest 2 hours ago dropping him home.
I’m kinda ****ed because of the communication like he hasn’t even contacted me this morning to say what time to come over or anything it’s 3pm and he goes to work Mondays 4am so I’m just really staying the night.
This is making me think could I deal with this for a long time? His oldest is 12 and his youngest is 9 so they are not that young.
What do I do? This is the first time the son has stayed. He also wanted to decorate his house so his kids feel comfortable and I did ALL the work because he doesn’t have ideas.
Isit normal to second think this with him ? We’ve been dating almost 2 years. When I first met him things was different. I don’t have a problem with him seeing his kid but because they’re staying round I can’t spend time with him too and it seems if the kid stays I will be seeing my bf every 2 weeks which I think is abit ridicous
When I met him his kids was out the country for about 9 months. They came back and he saw them for the day every week. Sometimes if he’s busy it will be every 2 weeks. I see him only on the weekend like the evening of the Saturday as he would see them the Saturday morning and afternoon. Anyways now his oldest he said he wanted him to stay over ( the 1st time) and he did but then I was suppose to come after he dropped the 1st home but he still hasn’t messaged me since last night and he posted a picture with the oldest 2 hours ago dropping him home.
I’m kinda ****ed because of the communication like he hasn’t even contacted me this morning to say what time to come over or anything it’s 3pm and he goes to work Mondays 4am so I’m just really staying the night.
This is making me think could I deal with this for a long time? His oldest is 12 and his youngest is 9 so they are not that young.
What do I do? This is the first time the son has stayed. He also wanted to decorate his house so his kids feel comfortable and I did ALL the work because he doesn’t have ideas.
Isit normal to second think this with him ? We’ve been dating almost 2 years. When I first met him things was different. I don’t have a problem with him seeing his kid but because they’re staying round I can’t spend time with him too and it seems if the kid stays I will be seeing my bf every 2 weeks which I think is abit ridicous
Actually his children ARE young and dealing with their parents being apart, different homes, lack of stability etc.
Sounds like you have several problems, including communication. At the moment there's nothing stopping you contacting your boyfriend to find out the plan for today. For the longer term, you need to talk to him and decide what the arrangements will be. Why don't you see him during the week? Will you live together? Can you meet and get involved with the children at some point?
Jumping straight to breaking up with him points to a lack of maturity and forethought when getting involved with a father.
Sounds like you have several problems, including communication. At the moment there's nothing stopping you contacting your boyfriend to find out the plan for today. For the longer term, you need to talk to him and decide what the arrangements will be. Why don't you see him during the week? Will you live together? Can you meet and get involved with the children at some point?
Jumping straight to breaking up with him points to a lack of maturity and forethought when getting involved with a father.
Reply 3
Hey guys I’m still in the situation. They haven’t stayed over however today he mentioned his son wanted to stay over but didn’t mention how this would effect me and he’s basically saying I can’t come over ( he didn’t say that but obviously I can’t)
What do I do. I’ve been with him 3 years they’ve only spent 3 weekends at his before as he has a 1 bedroom but yeah. I’m not use to it and how will I be able to continue a relationship with my time being shared like this. I’m starting to resent my relationship.
What do I do. I’ve been with him 3 years they’ve only spent 3 weekends at his before as he has a 1 bedroom but yeah. I’m not use to it and how will I be able to continue a relationship with my time being shared like this. I’m starting to resent my relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey guys I’m still in the situation. They haven’t stayed over however today he mentioned his son wanted to stay over but didn’t mention how this would effect me and he’s basically saying I can’t come over ( he didn’t say that but obviously I can’t)
What do I do. I’ve been with him 3 years they’ve only spent 3 weekends at his before as he has a 1 bedroom but yeah. I’m not use to it and how will I be able to continue a relationship with my time being shared like this. I’m starting to resent my relationship.
What do I do. I’ve been with him 3 years they’ve only spent 3 weekends at his before as he has a 1 bedroom but yeah. I’m not use to it and how will I be able to continue a relationship with my time being shared like this. I’m starting to resent my relationship.
So his kids have stayed over 3 times in three years and you cannot cope?Actually have no words.You sound like a jealous five year old!
Reply 5
Original post by Scotney
So his kids have stayed over 3 times in three years and you cannot cope?Actually have no words.You sound like a jealous five year old!
Babe the thing is I’m not fussed about it what I’m fussed about is our future and how different our relationship could be if this was an every weekend thing????????? This is my point. I don’t want to be 5 years deep and this becomes an every weekend thing and I can’t cope with it and waste 5 years
Reply 6
Original post by MissTeee
This relationship sounds like a nightmare!
You’re only 24 and could be living your best life.
You’re an option, not a priority (and yes, I get that he’s got kids). If you fast forward this two years in in your mind, what do you think will change?
I’ve been in your shoes and would frankly run like hell. Focus on you and creating your own great life.
x
You’re only 24 and could be living your best life.
You’re an option, not a priority (and yes, I get that he’s got kids). If you fast forward this two years in in your mind, what do you think will change?
I’ve been in your shoes and would frankly run like hell. Focus on you and creating your own great life.
x
The thing is I do live my best life 🤣 he does make me a priority however I’m just thinking would his kids want to stay over more
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
Babe the thing is I’m not fussed about it what I’m fussed about is our future and how different our relationship could be if this was an every weekend thing????????? This is my point. I don’t want to be 5 years deep and this becomes an every weekend thing and I can’t cope with it and waste 5 years
I could stay during the week. Any day I want I just prefer weekends
Reply 8
Original post by MissTeee
I’ve done it with the kids thing. It’s a nightmare. Before you know it, you’re running yourself ragged and then they tell you they hate you. It’s not that I don’t like kids (I was a primary teacher), it’s just that other people’s children can take up way more of your time and energy than you ever get back from them. Your life will end up revolving around their needs and one day you’ll very likely be cleaning up their mess and suddenly think ‘WHAT am I doing?’. Unless this is a rock solid relationship with a clear future, there are better ways to spend the best years of your life.
They are 9-12. By the time I want to settle down they won’t be children to have to pick up their mess. They’re also raised right to not hate people.
Original post by Anonymous
They are 9-12. By the time I want to settle down they won’t be children to have to pick up their mess. They’re also raised right to not hate people.
They will always be his kids and you need to see them and your boyfriend as a package deal.As they start to grow into young men they may want to spend more time with their dad.Are you planning on getting a place together at all soon?The boyfriend is probably working on building up his relationship with the boys.You need to ask him what his ideal scenario is then you will have a better idea of what you are getting into.Even grown up kids still spend time with their parents in general.Have you met them or done any activities together?Reality is if you want a man with no ties or responsibility he is not it.
Original post by Scotney
They will always be his kids and you need to see them and your boyfriend as a package deal.As they start to grow into young men they may want to spend more time with their dad.Are you planning on getting a place together at all soon?The boyfriend is probably working on building up his relationship with the boys.You need to ask him what his ideal scenario is then you will have a better idea of what you are getting into.Even grown up kids still spend time with their parents in general.Have you met them or done any activities together?Reality is if you want a man with no ties or responsibility he is not it.
I’ve never met his kids he hasn’t asked me to. He doesn’t get along with the mum so maybe he doesn’t want them known g about me until he marries me?
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