What can I say to them?

My parent (A) passed away a few years ago, and I live with my parent (B)

A family member from my parent (B) family, insulted my grandparent on my deceased parent (A) family.

That relative (B), said my elderly relative (A) was stupid, ignorant and they should do things for themselves.

I am very hurt by this, because they've insulted my deceased parent (A) relative. My grandparent is fully bed-ridden, they can't walk or do daily tasks. They have people looking after them.

I told my relative (A) my relative all these things but they didn't listen to me. Every time I have to visit them, they still make nasty comments about my elderly relative.(B)

I don't understand how this relative (A) can be so cold and disgusting. They are elderly too and older than me.

I'm afraid to speak out because they would think I'm being rude. Even if I talk in a polite manner

Any advice?

Reply 1

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

In all honesty there may not be any value in addressing it.

There could be a lot going on here; grudges and ill feelings from events you’re not aware of, frustration at their own circumstances and even things like dementia or other health conditions affecting their mood.

I can well imagine why it’s not pleasant to hear them badmouth someone who is not around to defend themselves as well as your grandparent, but at that age it’s rare for people to hold their hands up and acknowledge they’ve overstepped the mark.

I would just do my best to minimise contact with them and explain to your surviving parent the reasons why you’re not comfortable with this relative.

Reply 2

londonmyst

There is nothing that you can say to change their opinions or the habit of making the same old nasty comments.
All that you can do is keep your distance and avoid hearing their venom.
Good luck!