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Would you consider this cheating? I don't know what to do.

I'm in a almost 5 year long distance (he's deployed) relationship. He got deployed two weeks ago and i won't see him for another 6 months. We planned on moving in with each other and getting engaged once i finished my last year of undergrad this upcoming spring.

This past weekend, I was at work while he was out at a bar and i got this random really bad gut feeling. And something was telling me to check his socials. I normally would never do this because we had so much trust in each other, but I just couldn't shake the terrible feeling. So i went through his account and saw he sent his friend a picture of a random girl kissing his cheek. He followed her, liked her bikini picture, and dm'd her "hey." My heart dropped to my stomach when I saw this.

After calling him and going off on him, he said that it meant nothing, she was a bartender who was friendly with all his friends, and that it all happened so fast he didn't know she was going to do that and he did nothing back to her. I decided to cut communication until this weekend because I couldn't have a conversation with him without letting all my emotions take over. And want to take time to think. He has been begging me to talk to him and basically begging for me back and my forgiveness and saying how much he loves me and that
doesn't want to lose me. And as angry as I am, I still feel so much love and compassion for him.

I just feel very conflicted and can't tell if im overreacting about what I consider to be cheating. I am still so in love with him and want to have a life with him. And i want to be able to think about it logically without letting my emotions cloud my judgment, which is why i cut communication. He has never been one to do anything like this. He is a sweetheart and my parents consider him family, and vice versa. I'm just trying to figure out how to trust what he's saying and doing, and I don't want to have resentment if I decide I want to continue with him.

I don't have many people to ask for advice about this which is why i'm here.
Would you consider what he did cheating?
Reply 1
Yes I would. If that’s on his social media then what has he been up to in private? I think you deserve better than this.
Yes, I think he crossed boundaries.

He's sending pictures to his friend of this bartender kissing his cheek because it's a flex to him. Why is it a flex to him? Because he's smitten by her.

Why's he following her?- to keep up with her. Possibly to communicate with her.

Why's he liking bikini pictures? - because he likes what he sees and wants her to know it.

It's a blessing you saw this or else youd be getting played for how much more longer. Send him to hell and never look back.
(edited 8 months ago)
He let her kiss his cheeks, liked a bikini pic and slid into her dms? Be’s clearly interested in her, accepted and made advancements. Yeah that’s unfaithful behaviour, and he wont change. Take him back and in ur whole relationship, ur gonna be anxious wondering if he’s cheating behind ur back or not.
Reply 4
It certainly shows intent to cheat and how credible it can be that nothing like this has happened before is another matter. If you love him I’d probably give him another chance, based on what you know. However you could dump him and avoid the risk. 6 months without seeing each other is also far from ideal
(edited 8 months ago)
No, I don't think its proof that he has cheated.
Yet.

But I'd wonder if he's the jerk type of guy who gets an ego boost from every good looking woman who gives him attention and
sends his mates photos of all the women who flirt with him over dm's or kiss him.
If he is that type, he and his mates are probably doing the same things.
With their breakups happening for similar reasons.
The old saying about birds of a feather.
Be very cautious if you know that a few of his pals have a history of drunken ons or revenge porn.
You don't need the hassle.
Original post by sophiagtk
I'm in a almost 5 year long distance (he's deployed) relationship. He got deployed two weeks ago and i won't see him for another 6 months. We planned on moving in with each other and getting engaged once i finished my last year of undergrad this upcoming spring.

This past weekend, I was at work while he was out at a bar and i got this random really bad gut feeling. And something was telling me to check his socials. I normally would never do this because we had so much trust in each other, but I just couldn't shake the terrible feeling. So i went through his account and saw he sent his friend a picture of a random girl kissing his cheek. He followed her, liked her bikini picture, and dm'd her "hey." My heart dropped to my stomach when I saw this.

After calling him and going off on him, he said that it meant nothing, she was a bartender who was friendly with all his friends, and that it all happened so fast he didn't know she was going to do that and he did nothing back to her. I decided to cut communication until this weekend because I couldn't have a conversation with him without letting all my emotions take over. And want to take time to think. He has been begging me to talk to him and basically begging for me back and my forgiveness and saying how much he loves me and that
doesn't want to lose me. And as angry as I am, I still feel so much love and compassion for him.

I just feel very conflicted and can't tell if im overreacting about what I consider to be cheating. I am still so in love with him and want to have a life with him. And i want to be able to think about it logically without letting my emotions cloud my judgment, which is why i cut communication. He has never been one to do anything like this. He is a sweetheart and my parents consider him family, and vice versa. I'm just trying to figure out how to trust what he's saying and doing, and I don't want to have resentment if I decide I want to continue with him.

I don't have many people to ask for advice about this which is why i'm here.
Would you consider what he did cheating?

I wouldnt call it cheating but its defo weird. why is he feeding his ego with a woman other than you? honestly a red flag and i would be suprised if he did cheat in the past or will do in the future
Reply 7
I met my boyfriend in the military so we've been long distance a lot. How much time do you get to spend with each other; is he normally based near you or is it infrequent visits?

That's a telling comment above about birds of a feather; he's only just deployed, but his mates have already found a girl who's up for flirting. Six months is a long time for him to be in that kind of company, with alcohol, and it won't be his only night out wth them, be it on this deployment, another one, exercises, training courses, even in the bars on camp. Or did he need encouragement from anyone else; you say "He has never been one to do anything like this", but now you don't know that's true? He didn't confess to you what he'd done, so is he just sorry he got caught?

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