Have I completely messed up my life?
I'm a 25 year old male with an Undergrad and Master's degree, yet my main job is a minimum wage role most people could have done as soon as they left school at 16. It seems a very weird situation yet I somehow enjoy the job. While it doesn't relate to my degree at all, I find that the life experience side of university actually helped me develop skills needed for the role, particularly as I was lacking in social and practical skills as a result of my autism and spending much of my life in a special school where I was virtually shielded from the harsh realities of life. I've basically lived my life back to front, and while from a personal perspective I feel like I have achieved what I wanted to achieve 5 years ago, the awkwardness of the situation has increased my anxiety levels somewhat and caused me to stop talking to some friends who I worry will ridicule and badmouth me for my decisions.
From a financial perspective, yes I am earning minimum wage but what you've got to remember is that I'm a very frugal person who is disciplined with spending and lucky to have accumulated quite a bit in savings. Apart from the odd month where I went abroad, I generally have around £400-£800 left after spending the rest of my monthly pay check. I live rent free with my parents which helps a lot, and they appreciate the chores I do for them. They have promised to allow me to live with them for as long as I need provided I do my bit in return. As for my savings, I have accumulated around £40,000 so far while I'm about to receive another £50,000 in inheritance from a relative who has recently passed on.
Even with all that money, it doesn't make me any less worried about my future. While my job has been an enjoyable experience so far, I feel that I am going to need to do something else to keep up my credentials, even if I don't necessarily need the extra money. I am working on a couple of freelance projects related to my degree subject, but from a general point of view it's not that much. I've only had two clients since graduating, one of whom has given me a project roughly every 6 months (making that 4 in total), and another which is actually my old school. I offered to do a project for them for free because I wanted to give back to the team who helped me get through my school years and thus go on to achieve great things in my academic life.
Speaking of my academic life, I tend to look at my university life with rose tinted spectacles because I had never lived away from home before or experienced the freedom of being my own person, having been overprotected throughout my school and college years. Even so, I did struggle with the workload at times and had considered quitting, but my family encouraged me to push on because they knew how much I thrived at university and wanted me to make the most of my time there. I graduated with a 2:1 then went on to do a Master's in which I achieved a Merit.
The main issue I feel I have is that it takes me twice as long to complete tasks than the average person, and I feel that this might have a profound impact on my career prospects. I never did anything in the way of earning money while at uni, instead focusing on my studies and having a good social life (although COVID sadly put paid to the latter). I just want to be reassured that I will be in a stable, secure job that gives me enough to live on (which I have for now) while helping me to develop my social skills so I can find my perfect life partner and travel the world together which has always been my dream. The point is, I need extra time and support to thrive, yet it seems that the support dwindles and wanes as you get older, not helped by the fact that you build up more guilt and shame from past mistakes which prevents you from asking for it in the first place. It doesn't help that my circumstances got in the way of finding part time work until I joined a hospitality agency at the same time as starting my Master's. I never imagined I'd cope with that kind of work, let alone enjoy it and go on to find a permanent role thanks to them. I feel proud that I am finally in full time employment, although my inner critic wonders whether I should have just waited longer for a better opportunity to come up.
So the point is, have I completely messed my life up, or is my unique situation actually a blessing for someone on the autism spectrum?
From a financial perspective, yes I am earning minimum wage but what you've got to remember is that I'm a very frugal person who is disciplined with spending and lucky to have accumulated quite a bit in savings. Apart from the odd month where I went abroad, I generally have around £400-£800 left after spending the rest of my monthly pay check. I live rent free with my parents which helps a lot, and they appreciate the chores I do for them. They have promised to allow me to live with them for as long as I need provided I do my bit in return. As for my savings, I have accumulated around £40,000 so far while I'm about to receive another £50,000 in inheritance from a relative who has recently passed on.
Even with all that money, it doesn't make me any less worried about my future. While my job has been an enjoyable experience so far, I feel that I am going to need to do something else to keep up my credentials, even if I don't necessarily need the extra money. I am working on a couple of freelance projects related to my degree subject, but from a general point of view it's not that much. I've only had two clients since graduating, one of whom has given me a project roughly every 6 months (making that 4 in total), and another which is actually my old school. I offered to do a project for them for free because I wanted to give back to the team who helped me get through my school years and thus go on to achieve great things in my academic life.
Speaking of my academic life, I tend to look at my university life with rose tinted spectacles because I had never lived away from home before or experienced the freedom of being my own person, having been overprotected throughout my school and college years. Even so, I did struggle with the workload at times and had considered quitting, but my family encouraged me to push on because they knew how much I thrived at university and wanted me to make the most of my time there. I graduated with a 2:1 then went on to do a Master's in which I achieved a Merit.
The main issue I feel I have is that it takes me twice as long to complete tasks than the average person, and I feel that this might have a profound impact on my career prospects. I never did anything in the way of earning money while at uni, instead focusing on my studies and having a good social life (although COVID sadly put paid to the latter). I just want to be reassured that I will be in a stable, secure job that gives me enough to live on (which I have for now) while helping me to develop my social skills so I can find my perfect life partner and travel the world together which has always been my dream. The point is, I need extra time and support to thrive, yet it seems that the support dwindles and wanes as you get older, not helped by the fact that you build up more guilt and shame from past mistakes which prevents you from asking for it in the first place. It doesn't help that my circumstances got in the way of finding part time work until I joined a hospitality agency at the same time as starting my Master's. I never imagined I'd cope with that kind of work, let alone enjoy it and go on to find a permanent role thanks to them. I feel proud that I am finally in full time employment, although my inner critic wonders whether I should have just waited longer for a better opportunity to come up.
So the point is, have I completely messed my life up, or is my unique situation actually a blessing for someone on the autism spectrum?
Fundamentally you are in a very good position:
Some of what youve written reads like regret, ("why didn't I do X instead?") or fear for the future, (!what happens if X occurs") but both those things are out of your control. you did choose to go to uni, (and it worked out well for you), and things might change in the future, (but you've got savings to comfortably live for a year or two even if you got made redundant today).
•
You have a full time job, which is within your capabilities and you enjoy
•
You have a Bachelors and Masters under your belt
•
You have side hustles going on
•
You're finacially stable, and live within your means
Thank you 
This is a very good point
I think long term, this is something I'm going to need ongoing counselling and CBT for. It is impossible to change the past, but I think some support will go a long way in helping me to realise my life isn't as bad as I think it is. I just want to regain confidence in socialising without being reminded of some past decisions I made which I now regret.
This is a very good pointI think long term, this is something I'm going to need ongoing counselling and CBT for. It is impossible to change the past, but I think some support will go a long way in helping me to realise my life isn't as bad as I think it is. I just want to regain confidence in socialising without being reminded of some past decisions I made which I now regret.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Thank you This is a very good point
I think long term, this is something I'm going to need ongoing counselling and CBT for. It is impossible to change the past, but I think some support will go a long way in helping me to realise my life isn't as bad as I think it is. I just want to regain confidence in socialising without being reminded of some past decisions I made which I now regret.
This is a very good pointI think long term, this is something I'm going to need ongoing counselling and CBT for. It is impossible to change the past, but I think some support will go a long way in helping me to realise my life isn't as bad as I think it is. I just want to regain confidence in socialising without being reminded of some past decisions I made which I now regret.
I think you are doing absolutely the right thing.You are happy,you are working on developing your social skills and employers love to take on people who have been in full time employment It shows you show up,are reliable and you may even get chances to move up in the career you seem to love as time goes on.Being happy and content is priceless as is being in a job you love.
A bit of therapy might help you but I might look for someone who specialises in neurodivergent people.My daughter has lately had a late autism diagnosis and her specialist therapist has changed her life whereas other therapists a)did not spot her autism and did not therefore benefit her.
Original post by Admit-One
Fundamentally you are in a very good position:
Some of what youve written reads like regret, ("why didn't I do X instead?") or fear for the future, (!what happens if X occurs") but both those things are out of your control. you did choose to go to uni, (and it worked out well for you), and things might change in the future, (but you've got savings to comfortably live for a year or two even if you got made redundant today).
•
You have a full time job, which is within your capabilities and you enjoy
•
You have a Bachelors and Masters under your belt
•
You have side hustles going on
•
You're finacially stable, and live within your means
Completely agree with this statement 🙂
Original post by Admit-One
Fundamentally you are in a very good position:
Some of what youve written reads like regret, ("why didn't I do X instead?") or fear for the future, (!what happens if X occurs") but both those things are out of your control. you did choose to go to uni, (and it worked out well for you), and things might change in the future, (but you've got savings to comfortably live for a year or two even if you got made redundant today).
•
You have a full time job, which is within your capabilities and you enjoy
•
You have a Bachelors and Masters under your belt
•
You have side hustles going on
•
You're finacially stable, and live within your means
I have to agree with that assessment
Generalised advice to all people, young or old. If you aren't happy with your life as it stands: change it. Consider your ties and reasons to stay in the present situation, then explore the options you have available to you and go from there.
Believe me, if you are physically able and willing to get out of bed on time to get to work and then actually graft (something that I am certain is becoming rarer and rarer in this country) at virtually any vocation or profession in the UK today, you can earn reasonable or even sizeable amounts of money.
My question to anyone is thus: what is stopping you?
Believe me, if you are physically able and willing to get out of bed on time to get to work and then actually graft (something that I am certain is becoming rarer and rarer in this country) at virtually any vocation or profession in the UK today, you can earn reasonable or even sizeable amounts of money.
My question to anyone is thus: what is stopping you?
(edited 4 months ago)
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