The Student Room Group

I am not sure how to approach my crush at my college

Hello, I have been thinking of approaching a guy at my school for a while now, however one big problem is that he is out-of-this-world gorgeous, so he gets ridiculous amounts of attention;
it might partly be because he is like 6'6 tall, so he stands out a lot just because of that, but he is also just mind-blowingly attractive as well.
I always see girls try to get his attention, and different girls on different occasions who nervously try to convince him to go on date with them.
Also, I am not sure if this is true, but I have got the impression that despite all of the times I have seen him politely reject girls, he has apparently still slept with a lot of them, and I have definitely heard a few girls tell their curious friends about how "the night with him" went, and those girls would always seem overwhelmed and ecstatic about it, and he did also show up in front of one of those girls one time, and they sat down and eventually started kissing, and that girl's friends were just like "whoops, we will leave you alone now", and left;
so I definitely know that he is straight at least to some degree.
However, this happened about 3 months ago, and I haven't really seen him in those kinds of situations since then, although girls of course constantly hit on him.

It really feels a bit complicated, since it seems very difficult to have any form of relationship with a guy like him;
but at the same time, I cannot help wanting to give it a try.
Do you know how I can do here?
Reply 1
Decide your strategy and join the competing masses. These situations have a high chance of not working out as hoped, but who knows
Reply 2
Original post by Zarek
Decide your strategy and join the competing masses. These situations have a high chance of not working out as hoped, but who knows

I am mostly a bit concerned that I will not stand out to him at all;
I mean, I know that I am considered cute and pretty by other guys, but this guy has so many gorgeous and beautiful girls hitting on him all the time in all kinds of ways, so I feel like I am just one in the bunch for him.
Reply 3
Original post by JessieJo
I am mostly a bit concerned that I will not stand out to him at all;
I mean, I know that I am considered cute and pretty by other guys, but this guy has so many gorgeous and beautiful girls hitting on him all the time in all kinds of ways, so I feel like I am just one in the bunch for him.

It’s best to be yourself, to be confident and to flirt to test the water. As you say he has choices, so it’s about seeing if there is something about you that he likes. Also worth keeping some perspective. There is not just one adorable guy, in fact there are many.
Reply 4
Original post by Zarek
It’s best to be yourself, to be confident and to flirt to test the water. As you say he has choices, so it’s about seeing if there is something about you that he likes. Also worth keeping some perspective. There is not just one adorable guy, in fact there are many.

Yeah, I sometimes see girls nervously ask him if he wants to meet, like "watch a movie" and those kinds of things, and I have mostly seen him politely reject those girls, but I have also heard a few girls tell their curious friends about spending steamy nights with him, so I know that he has had sex with some of these girls.
I am not sure how ready I am to endure the whole competition thing, but I should probably at least give it a try.
(edited 2 months ago)
There will be no relationship with this guy, there will only be sex, probably as a one off, though there is no guarantee of that if he doesn't rate you as reasonable enough for it. Trust me I'm a guy of many, many years so I know our mindset.

He likely doesn't rate you highly enough for a relationship or he would be hitting on you. He likely doesn't want to bother watching movies but just get to it. Guys minds are almost 100 percent on sex in our teens, twenties and possibly thereafter. Sure we do study, work stuff but that is just non free time stuff we generally have to do, or most of us.

So you would just have your body used for sex by him like the other girls and then ditched, probably be talked about behind your back to his friends and other girls. If you want to grab his attention sit next to him and slide your hand under the table and grab his c**k and massage it. No guy complains about that even if a bit embarrassing or a girl he is not keen on as it's not in our mindset too. That will tell him what you want and if he's into you, you'll feel it and you'll get the release you require.
Reply 6
I think that he was more focused on physical dates with the other girls during the first couple months;
I remember that I once passed his student apartment when I visited a friend in that building, and I saw a girl knock on his door and then they immediately started kissing and going inside when he opened, and I could hear them starting to have sex pretty much instantly
(the girl was wearing a rather short skirt that time, so I guess she intended to start things off that quickly).
I am not sure if he has that "lifestyle" nowadays, but I guess I should try approaching him in some way next week, when we have a class together.
(edited 2 months ago)
Reply 7
Are you interested in him because he's 'gorgeous' or are you interested in him because he's attractive, as in he has a decent personality? What do you really know about him as a person and why you think you'd be compatible, if it's something more long-term you want?
Reply 8
Original post by Surnia
Are you interested in him because he's 'gorgeous' or are you interested in him because he's attractive, as in he has a decent personality? What do you really know about him as a person and why you think you'd be compatible, if it's something more long-term you want?

Not sure yet;
maybe mostly physical if I don't end up genuinely liking him, since I would still very likely enjoy hook-ups with him, haha.
But it would of course be a big plus if I ended up liking him as well, at least if it was returned.
Reply 9
Original post by JessieJo
Not sure yet;
maybe mostly physical if I don't end up genuinely liking him, since I would still very likely enjoy hook-ups with him, haha.
But it would of course be a big plus if I ended up liking him as well, at least if it was returned.

Would you enjoy just hooks-up, though? That's a very one-sided view. Sex in far better in a relationship with someone who knows and cares about you, and can you trust what is being said by those other girls?
Reply 10
Original post by Surnia
Would you enjoy just hooks-up, though? That's a very one-sided view. Sex in far better in a relationship with someone who knows and cares about you, and can you trust what is being said by those other girls?

That is one thing that can make me a bit insecure about approaching him;
I remember when I had just started noticing him shortly after he had started at my school, and I visited a friend who lived in the same apartment building as he did, and there was one girl there who knocked on his door when I went by there, and they immediately starrted kissing and walking inside when he opened the door, and I could even hear them starting to have sex a few seconds later;
or maybe not actually sex, but I could faintly hear the girl sort of sounding like that, so they were probably going for that.
I am not sure how frequently he meets girls in this way, but I will try to figure it out.
(edited 2 months ago)
Original post by JessieJo
Not sure yet;
maybe mostly physical if I don't end up genuinely liking him, since I would still very likely enjoy hook-ups with him, haha.
But it would of course be a big plus if I ended up liking him as well, at least if it was returned.

It's remote to non existent that he will like you enough to return liking you. He will almost certainly say he does like you to get your knickers off but he won't mean that. If he was interested in getting with you and you said that you wanted to wait before having sex see how much he will 'like you' then. He likely won't want to bother with you unless he likes the chase, the challenge but if you hold out a long time he will get bored and move on. The only thing he is likely to like about you is the opportunity to have sex.

That's if you are attractive enough to him for that. Depending on how attractive he finds you and how convenient you make it for him to have sex with you will determine if he decides too. How attractive he finds you will also determine whether it will be just a once off (most likely) or he calls you back for repeat sessions.

I would forget about any real kind of relationship with guy he's a hook up with girls guy, that he is so attractive has allowed that lifestyle. Once a guy has that lifestyle rarely does it ever really change, it's like finding out you have a thing for a certain hobby, getting off with girls is now his hobby, the prettier the better.

His only real problem with being spoilt or choice is valuing any girl enough for wanting to be with them long term as they are so many all on tap for him, how could he ever settle on one?

I think a question you need to ask yourself is, how many guys show an interest in you? How many eye you up frequently? How many try to chat you up?

If the answer to these questions is not a lot then your chances with him is likely not good, even more remote for any sort of relationship. Possibly it's not a absolute impossibility but I wouldn't hope for anything but you can always try at a moment where you are not surrounded by people.
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous #1
It's remote to non existent that he will like you enough to return liking you. He will almost certainly say he does like you to get your knickers off but he won't mean that. If he was interested in getting with you and you said that you wanted to wait before having sex see how much he will 'like you' then. He likely won't want to bother with you unless he likes the chase, the challenge but if you hold out a long time he will get bored and move on. The only thing he is likely to like about you is the opportunity to have sex.

That's if you are attractive enough to him for that. Depending on how attractive he finds you and how convenient you make it for him to have sex with you will determine if he decides too. How attractive he finds you will also determine whether it will be just a once off (most likely) or he calls you back for repeat sessions.

I would forget about any real kind of relationship with guy he's a hook up with girls guy, that he is so attractive has allowed that lifestyle. Once a guy has that lifestyle rarely does it ever really change, it's like finding out you have a thing for a certain hobby, getting off with girls is now his hobby, the prettier the better.

His only real problem with being spoilt or choice is valuing any girl enough for wanting to be with them long term as they are so many all on tap for him, how could he ever settle on one?

I think a question you need to ask yourself is, how many guys show an interest in you? How many eye you up frequently? How many try to chat you up?

If the answer to these questions is not a lot then your chances with him is likely not good, even more remote for any sort of relationship. Possibly it's not a absolute impossibility but I wouldn't hope for anything but you can always try at a moment where you are not surrounded by people.

I know that guys generally find me cute and pretty, and guys are interested in me quite often.
However, this guy has so many other girls who show interest in him that he doesn't really notice me at all, since he is distracted by those other pretty girls who flirt openly with him.

The thing that I am a bit worried about is that he might be used to getting asked out by a lovestruck girl, and then dumping that girl when another girl wins his attention a bit more, and so on.
Original post by JessieJo
I know that guys generally find me cute and pretty, and guys are interested in me quite often.
However, this guy has so many other girls who show interest in him that he doesn't really notice me at all, since he is distracted by those other pretty girls who flirt openly with him.

The thing that I am a bit worried about is that he might be used to getting asked out by a lovestruck girl, and then dumping that girl when another girl wins his attention a bit more, and so on.

👏 I think you have it there in one well done 😉 That's exactly how those guys are, yes you are very likely to be dumped for the next pretty girl that comes along particularly if she comes up extrovertly flirting she is likely to gain his attention quickly and forget about you. After all why wouldn't any of the girls he is presenting with or any who he isn't that are lurking like you are all be thinking the same as you, that he's hot, they want to get with him and be dreaming that they have a chance at a long term relationship with him, possibly even marriage? I think you'll find that they are all pretty much thinking the same as you apart from one or two that may just be happy with some fun whether they admit to it or not.

In fairness to the guy it's not always the case that they set out to be a douche but if so many women throw themselves at him he is really just put in that position. Sone of course get off on being a douche but either way they aren't really good long term prospects, not usually when young and even when much older it's questionable. It's unlikely that he will want off the ride he is on with a long term relationship or any relationship he will be having a blast with all the attention and options of girls he will keep getting.

If he is not looking at you I wouldn't put it solely down to those girls taking his attention, it might but again remember even if you got with him he would still get girls doing that, they are all after getting him. There must be some points when you are near him and his attention is not very distracted. My guess is that where other guys likely fancy you, he probably does not to the extent you want him too. He may also prefer more extrovert girls and be turned off by quiet ones. There are no certainties of course I can only speak of what I think are strong likelihoods.

What about instead going for one of the guys who fancies you? They are probably put out by girl after girl all focusing on that guy. Rather than all compete for the one same guy that likely won't lead anywhere good why not date one of those guys, the one you like the most out of all of them. At the very least it will be good dating experience and you may come to find them a better long term partner to be with than the guy who is likely constantly having sex with many women then tossing them aside and getting upset after feeling they've just been used for sex like a cheap ***** but without the payment.

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