Feeling like a loner

I have been on this course for 4 years and never had a close relationship with the people on my course. We’re a very small class with one 4 of us and the others on the course have spent all 4 years going out outside of uni and even have a group chat toghether. I have a group chat with them all that is for uni work but they always reply to each other and never me and have all recently got very snappy with me when I’ve tried to ask questions despite me being there for their countless questions even allowing them to borrow texts books when needed. I even try and have conversations that are not about uni and just funny videos and just general chit chat but I just get aired.
I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this but I’m starting to think now I’m in my final year how I’ve gone this long with being pretty much excluded despite not being able to see why. Should I just leave them be and try not to get involved at all. Just depressing as I know on graduation I’ll be the black sheep.

Reply 1

University of Huddersfield

Official Rep

16

Original post by Anonymous #1

I have been on this course for 4 years and never had a close relationship with the people on my course. We’re a very small class with one 4 of us and the others on the course have spent all 4 years going out outside of uni and even have a group chat toghether. I have a group chat with them all that is for uni work but they always reply to each other and never me and have all recently got very snappy with me when I’ve tried to ask questions despite me being there for their countless questions even allowing them to borrow texts books when needed. I even try and have conversations that are not about uni and just funny videos and just general chit chat but I just get aired.
I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this but I’m starting to think now I’m in my final year how I’ve gone this long with being pretty much excluded despite not being able to see why. Should I just leave them be and try not to get involved at all. Just depressing as I know on graduation I’ll be the black sheep.

Anon,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling left out. It's very tough if it's a small class, but perhaps there are other people on other courses that you could get to know better. If anything, you would at least have final year stress as something to talk about as a excuse to meet up at the library or to grab a coffee.

Nobody likes to feel ignored and there's missing messages or feeling like someone else has already answered a question or not knowing what to reply back, but there's also people who may be a bit insensitive or unfeeling.

If being on the group chat is not helping you feel good about yourself, but is affecting your wellbeing, then I think you may need to step away for awhile and prioritise ways you can feel better and more confident.

Perhaps that's chatting more with friends from home or family. You might still have to keep up-to-date here and there with info on the group chat (especially if applies to your studies) but I think stepping away might help them appreciate you more.

On graduation day, everyone tends to take photos with everyone just because everyone is happy to have finished and everyone wants lots of photos, so try not to worry! On graduation day, you are worrying about other things such as your gown. Also, your parents or whoever you choose to invite are there to celebrate you. They are not there for everyone else, so even if you are taking photos on your own, remember it's your day. It's about you!

All the best,

Oluwatosin – 3^rd year student – University of Huddersfield

Reply 2

greentiger

14

Original post by Anonymous #1

I have been on this course for 4 years and never had a close relationship with the people on my course. We’re a very small class with one 4 of us and the others on the course have spent all 4 years going out outside of uni and even have a group chat toghether. I have a group chat with them all that is for uni work but they always reply to each other and never me and have all recently got very snappy with me when I’ve tried to ask questions despite me being there for their countless questions even allowing them to borrow texts books when needed. I even try and have conversations that are not about uni and just funny videos and just general chit chat but I just get aired.
I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this but I’m starting to think now I’m in my final year how I’ve gone this long with being pretty much excluded despite not being able to see why. Should I just leave them be and try not to get involved at all. Just depressing as I know on graduation I’ll be the black sheep.

I’d leave them to it and don’t bother, it’s not worth ruining your fourth year when you’re so close to the end. It feels **** I know exactly how you feel as I stayed behind a year in college and didn’t end up clicking with anyone, it was so isolating and draining. But best thing to do is know it’s a place of study, where you need to get your qualification. Put your time and efforts into that and you’ll gradually learn to care less about their nasty antics. Don’t bother answering their questions in future if they are unwilling to help you.

Reply 3

AndyChow

19

Leave them be
Same situation to me during uni, I just ended up hanging out with people from different courses and different unis.
When I got to work I found much more relatable people.
Some types of people just don't mix well, and don't force yourself to fit in with people you don't like because you will get stressed and won't get anywhere.
Statistically 1 in 10 people would really 'click' with you, 5/10 are ok, then there's 4 in 10 where you have nothing in common to say and you can't hold a conversation more than 1 min. You just have to cherish that 1 person and keep minimum politeness with the other 9 to not create enemies.

Keep minimum contact. If they ask to borrow books etc I would just say no I'm using it. Definitely don't ask them questions.
You've got like 6 months remaining, the moment you leave uni those people will worth less than a fart to you

(edited 2 months ago)

Original post by Anonymous #1

I have been on this course for 4 years and never had a close relationship with the people on my course. We’re a very small class with one 4 of us and the others on the course have spent all 4 years going out outside of uni and even have a group chat toghether. I have a group chat with them all that is for uni work but they always reply to each other and never me and have all recently got very snappy with me when I’ve tried to ask questions despite me being there for their countless questions even allowing them to borrow texts books when needed. I even try and have conversations that are not about uni and just funny videos and just general chit chat but I just get aired.
I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this but I’m starting to think now I’m in my final year how I’ve gone this long with being pretty much excluded despite not being able to see why. Should I just leave them be and try not to get involved at all. Just depressing as I know on graduation I’ll be the black sheep.

Hi Anon,

This sounds really tough - sorry you're having to go through this. It can be hard in such a small group to click with everyone, and it sounds like this is the case here. There's so much pressure to find 'your people' at university, but sometimes this is harder than you think.

I echo others' responses, it might be a good idea to step back and focus on friendships elsewhere, but try to keep things civil. It sounds like you're being the bigger person already, so hold onto that and think of all the friendships you can forge once you've finished your course and begin your graduate life!

Wishing you all the best for the remainder of your course 🙂

Mara
UoG rep

Original post by Anonymous #1

I have been on this course for 4 years and never had a close relationship with the people on my course. We’re a very small class with one 4 of us and the others on the course have spent all 4 years going out outside of uni and even have a group chat toghether. I have a group chat with them all that is for uni work but they always reply to each other and never me and have all recently got very snappy with me when I’ve tried to ask questions despite me being there for their countless questions even allowing them to borrow texts books when needed. I even try and have conversations that are not about uni and just funny videos and just general chit chat but I just get aired.
I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this but I’m starting to think now I’m in my final year how I’ve gone this long with being pretty much excluded despite not being able to see why. Should I just leave them be and try not to get involved at all. Just depressing as I know on graduation I’ll be the black sheep.

Hi there,

I'm sorry to read this. I think that it's relatively normal to not be really close with people on your course. I wouldn't put too much pressure on it, but try to keep things casual. That being said, there is nothing wrong with setting intentions with people that you might want to be friends. I've had a girl in a seminar invite me out after for coffee and she literally just said "I'm really looking for more friends to hang out with on my course and I think we get on well". I took that as such a compliment and now we study together most weeks and have been out together etc.

What's most important is to have one or two friends in your everyday life, old friends, from a society or from a pert time job.

Good luck with finishing your degree and I hope that you manage to feel closer with some people on your course.

All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep

Original post by Anonymous #1

I have been on this course for 4 years and never had a close relationship with the people on my course. We’re a very small class with one 4 of us and the others on the course have spent all 4 years going out outside of uni and even have a group chat toghether. I have a group chat with them all that is for uni work but they always reply to each other and never me and have all recently got very snappy with me when I’ve tried to ask questions despite me being there for their countless questions even allowing them to borrow texts books when needed. I even try and have conversations that are not about uni and just funny videos and just general chit chat but I just get aired.
I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this but I’m starting to think now I’m in my final year how I’ve gone this long with being pretty much excluded despite not being able to see why. Should I just leave them be and try not to get involved at all. Just depressing as I know on graduation I’ll be the black sheep.

HI there,

Sorry to hear you have been having a tough time with the people on your course.

I would also say to maybe just take a step back from them and focus on friendships that you have elsewhere. If they are not willing to include you then they don't sound like very good friends and you want to enjoy your last year of uni!
Have you made friends with people on other courses similar to yours as at graduation there will often be lots of courses at the same time, especially if yours is so small so there may be other people around from other courses. You could try and get to know some of them- maybe looking on Facebook or other social media to see if you can meet anyone.

I would definitely focus on other friendships- if you are friendly with the people you live with or if you have made any other friends!

I hope this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Feeling like a loner

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