In the nicest way possible, I honestly suggest either having a one off therapy session for this or going to therapy in general. I think the way you look should never indicate your worth, if you weren't for him then or now then don't try and be something for someone else otherwise you'll never feel like yourself... what you think you want and what will make you happy, once you've got it after altering so many things would fall apart. I promise you now and future you would thank you so much for not trying to be something else, step one is be happy with yourself, you are slay. Another thing I'd note is that I'm sorry and I know you're going through stress but I will say that the way you describe this obsession with this dude from my perspective is REALLY worrying. I don't know you personally but from an outsiders perspective I think I'd be really uncomfortable about the way you approach people, you're not respecting him or treating him like a human being. I think if you respected his boundaries you'd already be off to a much better start. When I hear you say "6 years now" "constantly going through his and family social media" "there was rejection" "I don't know his type and if he's taken" I honestly feel uncomfortable hearing that, as in I'd feel uncomfortable if this was happening to me. I'm sorry if what I'm saying hurts but I do want you to feel and do better, maybe start off by respecting him and his boundaries as a person (to everyone else too) and you'll start to see good things come your way naturally I promise. And there's no need to "look better or good looking" Beauty standards exist just because everyone else says they do and they never stay the same... If everyone stopped exclaiming what is and isn't perfect we'd all be a lot more comfortable and less scared, don't let it scare you and focus on being a cool ass person, I'm sure you are. C: