Do you have autism or aspergers?

I think I was 7 when I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, my mum told me when I was 9 and I remember crying for ages as she tried to explain it to me and constantly asking her if she would still love me. Although I was very upset and confused I'm glad my mum told me when I was young as she obviously thought I was ready to know and would be able to handle the knowledge.

I've always had a thirst for knowledge, and my mum used to tired of my relentless questioning, even though I was more than capable of finding the answer myself (I have always had my nose stuck in a book of some sort) I still preferred questioning another human being, and that was usually my mum. When I wasn't questioning I was delivering a long monologue on my latest interest which could be anything from regular childhood interests such as dinosaurs, swamps, or football statistics to more unusual interests ranging from Marie Curie (the person, not the charity) to optics.

To this day, I find that my conversational skills are, to a lesser extent, still limit to questions or monologues, although with experience (some of which learnt the hard way) I have became increasingly adept at masking my social inadequacies.

From as far back as I can remember, I've always felt like an outsider, as if there was some sort of force-field between myself and the rest of the world. At nursery I was constantly getting into trouble for misbehaving and was sent to the 'naughty step' every day, although my mum admitted the nursery was poorly ran and not very stimulating.

At primary school I initially revelled in my role as a 'weirdo', forming alliances against the 'normals' with those I perceived to be like minded, however, these alliances probably weren't that good for me, due to the fact I wasn't able to relate to my fellow abnormals much better than I was the normals.

After five years of being the outsider who was always getting into trouble with the teachers and other pupils and was regularly ignored, derided, and called upon to give an opinion on a Rangers game in the same day, I decided to toe the line, keep my head down, and mimic the normals.

Which was a complete and utter failure!!!

Following that, in my last year at primary school I took every chance I could to rebel against the 'system' and came close to getting suspended a few times! At high school I spent most of my time trying to toe the line and fit in, constantly failing to do so, but still getting into less conflicts with my teachers and pupils than I did in primary school, although I was still in my fair share of fights, and never managed to shake off the 'weirdo' tag.

University has been much better, due to the emphasis on independent learning and lecturers treating us like adults. I feel that I've developed more in the past three and a half years than I did in my 17 years before, although I'm sure this is an exaggeration. I do feel that I am more socially able than I was previously; I have two very close friends and about five or six other friends, I regularly socialise, I've had several girlfriends, I've held down a part-time job for two and a half years (although that brought its fair share or problems and stress), my average mark for 3d year was 75%, I' aiming for a 1st and hopefully will be doing a PhD next year.

Right now I'd say I am significantly more confident in my own skin than I have ever been previously and I hope that I will only improve in this respect. I still feel like an outsider, and as though I'm constantly fighting the system (not in some futile punk rock sense, but more like Chief Bromden in 'Once Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest'), but I'll probably always be like that. My mum said I'll never stop feeling like this, but that she thinks I'll become more comfortable with myself, if not the rest of the world.

I'd like to know what it is like to live with the condition.

What things do you find most problematic?
Are there benefits in your opinion?
How much does it effect your ability to socialise?
How do you think people percieve you when they know you have it?
Are you happy?

I don't think self-diagnosis is a great idea. Just because people have self-diagnosed and been proven right years later doesn't mean that its the best practice. I think people should go and arrange an assessment as soon as it becomes clear.

The reason I say this is because once you start to think of yourself as having an ASD it changes how you see yourself and life around you. Its annoying and unhelpful for a person who's just paranoid or not fitting in very well to read a disability into it inaccurately and then going around blaming all of life's problems on that rather than facing life and also having it checked out. I just think this is pretty unhelpful, and it probably creates issues for schools/services dealing with people with disabilities, and for people with genuine disabilities because the people that the wider public remember are all those they knew who read dyslexia or something into their problems and claimed extra time or benefits deceitfully.
Seeing as there aren't any major reasons why people who suspect they have something can't go and arrange an assessment, I don't see why they don't. Also even if the chances are high that they're right, I generally don't believe someone who tells me they have x,y,z disability or disorder unless they've been professionally diagnosed. Its just way too easy to distortedly identify yourself with a description!

(I'm HFA btw)

I wonder to anyone who has been diagnosed with a type of autism, what are the benefits of diagnosis, is there medication, therapy or anything like that?
I've sort of given up on finding out for sure because I couldn't bare spending so long going through diagnosis, and I sort of wonder would it be worth it anyway. There's no doubt my problems are having very negative effects on my academic work (I'm doing postgrad study) but I think I may just have to make the best of it.

Um, I've heard that CBT can help. I've never tried it. A diagnosis would presumably make you eligible to be treated through the NHS. For study specific help I don't think that they really have much on offer which is much use to a high functioning autist. I was helped by the fact that in my Needs Assessment they recognised that environment is crucial to my studies, so I get to write my exams in isolation and they gave me a laptop to enable me to work away from a distracting place such as a library. If I wanted to live in quieter rooms and kicked up a fuss I assume my college would find somewhere else for me to live. And there's extra time in the exams. But for alot of the things that autism causes problems with, there's not really anything that can be done. I imagine the NHS might be more ready to prescribe stress relieving medication like anti-depressants or something if you had a diagnoses for autism, but I don't know.

I did have CBT for the epilepsy last year, it helped a bit and covered a wide range of problems not limited to the epilepsy, but clearly it hasn't solved the problems. I should be able to get a bit extra time for essays when my DSA for the epilepsy comes through, I live in a quiet house and it is a massive bonus, I'd love a laptop but I don't have one, I do have a digital voice recorder which is useful for seminars and stuff. As for the medication, if anti-depressants are all that's on offer I think I'll stay well clear, they're addictive. There's definitely a stress problem and anxiety problem, I've been seeing a counsellor at the university.

I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and social anxiety.

What things do you find most problematic?
I find any social situation hugely problematic. My lack of communication skills and expression recognition makes me very nervous about talking to people, even those I know quite well, so I am incredibly shy and awkward in public. I also have problems with processing long strings of auditory information, like someone reading out a list of instructions, which can make life a little difficult. I also have a big problem with some sounds and movements. For instance, if someone is excessively sniffing in an exam hall it really annoys me and makes it hard for me to concentrate, same thing if something is moving in my peripheral vision or if a light is flickering, etc. I also have a bit of the obsessive compulsive side of autism. I have extensive routines that I go through every day, without fail, and things not being 'right' can distress me a bit. I also don't like being touched and have bad hand-eye coordination and balance. I can manage these traits though, it's the social problems and the constant dread and extreme anxiety that accompanies them that disables me the most.

Are there benefits in your opinion?
For some people there are benefits for having Asperger's. Some people have strong special interests, which can drive their career and make them very, very competent in their subject. We also tend to be logical, intelligent and meticulous, which means we can often do quite well in the academic side of life. However, I think, at least for me, the negatives far outweigh the positives and I would personally give almost anything to not be autistic.

How much does it effect your ability to socialise?
It affects my ability to socialise by such a large degree that I can't imagine what I would be like if I wasn't autistic. My natural reaction to any social situation is to be completely mute. It takes a hell of a lot of will power to force myself to talk to people. The stress of social situations, trying to think of something to say, forcing myself to look at people in the eye at least once, trying to stop myself from stuttering or stumbling over my words, trying to interpret what they're thinking and trying to stop my throat from closing up out of fear is very exhausting. I get really tired after social situations. I think, if left to my own devices, I would almost definitely become a 'hermit'.

How do you think people perceive you when they know you have it?
I'm not sure. People who know I have Asperger's are probably more understanding about the way I am than those who don't.

Are you happy?
Honestly, no. I can't remember ever being happy. I'm sure I was, at one point in the distant past, I just can't recall what it felt like.

I feel like there's this great world that everyone around me is experiencing but I'm completely cut off from it, as if I'm living in a bubble. My therapist used to describe it like living in a world in which everyone is speaking a different language, but I don't think it's like that at all, because it's not really that I can't understand people, it's more like I'm cut off from them and can't communicate or connect with them properly.

Well like I said I'm just speculating. I haven't tried any of these things myself, and have no idea about medication at all.

I wonder to anyone who has been diagnosed with a type of autism, what are the benefits of diagnosis, is there medication, therapy or anything like that?

There seems to be a disproportionate number of males with AS.

I would like to know whether female Aspies are better at socialising and making friends compared to male Aspies, and what the talents of these 2 genders are. Is it true that female Aspies are also scientific, or are they good at the arts/humanities subjects? My math is terrible, but I get A's for bio, chem and English literature, my favourite subjects.

Its true that most aspies are male. The ratio that gets thrown around is 10:1 but i dont think its ever been acurately measured because there is no actual record of the number of people diagnosed.

Im a female aspie, but I am absolutely terrible at socialising. Im ok being around people, but if any of them try to interact with me I freeze up, I just dont know how to speak their language.

I am creative but with technical things. I like maths, but only if its pure...applied maths does my head in. I like philosophy, but only the analyzing element of it...memorizing i hate. I like creative writing, but only if its planned in great detail.

When i was first diagnosed I read alot of books about it and the thing which came out was that male aspies externalize their problems/differences, and female aspies internalize them.

i'm just checking, when you say externalise you mean express themselves aggressively? and when you say internalise you mean keep things to themselves?

i'm just checking, when you say externalise you mean express themselves aggressively? and when you say internalise you mean keep things to themselves?

I was wondering that too.

For me, when I was younger it was definitely external. I used to get angry and aggressive over the smallest things. Now though, I'm the complete opposite. I tend to be very quiet, keep things to myself a lot and not tell people when something is wrong or bothering me.

perhaps it changes over time then. I dont know, i dont like to place much emphasis on what the 'experts' say. Very few of them are aspergers themselves.

apparently asperger had asperger's.