Boyfriend subtly insulting my family

If nothing else, your definition of 'subtle' suggests that an 'overt insult' would perhaps consist of firing excrement out of a cannon with 'Jesus was a ****' emblazoned on the barrel.

I agree with the boyfriend.

Why are you taking everything so personally?

I wasn't referring to you as a 'little boy.' You seemed to have read a lot into it and taken a lot of offense.

I'm very sorry if what I said really struck nerves with you - it was not my intention. I'm not a nasty person.

All I was saying is that sometimes in life you will need to smooth things along to get by with little trouble.

But if you prefer to cause wakes in the water, then that is entirely your choice and your business. I was just saying what works for me and others that I know.

I think this is simply a case of very different life views - you like to look at everything negatively, I like to look at everything positively.

To each his own and I wish you the very best.

I was not taking personal offence, I was simply pointing out a particular tactic you were trying to use to make your points seem more informed than mine - and that tactic was to make me out to be a little boy with a lot of learning to do, and to make out that your views are the result of years of maturation, which I will reach in time. Complete nonsense (nevermind the fact that you assumed that I'm not maybe, older and more experienced than you?), and based on nothing.

Secondly, my view is not a negative one. Rather, it is positive. It is assertively positive.

Your whole idea of 'not causing wakes in the water' suggests that the waters are more established and authoritative than your own. Your take quite a negative viewpoint of your own worth when you immediately grant your partner's parents with more authority and legitimacy than yourself.

I, on the other hand, do not see their views as a body of water, and my views as a mere ripple that may rock the boat. My views, from where I'm standing, are a body of water in equal mass, size, authority and establishment as the views and wishes of the parents of my partner. There is absolutely no reason why I should bow to their commands, and live by their rules, rather than them bowing to mine, and living by my rules. The only reason anybody thinks this is 'tradition', and believe you me, I am as far from traditionalist as it gets. So like I said, if you prefer to think of your own views and wishes as lesser than others, simply because they happen to have fathered/mothered your partner, then feel free. But I have a bit of self-respect, and a sense of equality. My beliefs, wishes and views are just as important and authoritative as theirs, and for that reason, I do not see my relationship with them as that which causes 'wake in the water', but rather, I see the relationship as two separate, but equal bodies of water, attempting to merge, and that kind of thing will cause very large wakes indeed.

Your view seems negative in that it diminishes your self-worth for the purposes of others. My view is positive in that it recognises its own self-worth as equal to others, and stands its ground accordingly.

Good post.

If you'd've explained your viewpoint that civilly to start with, rather than negging me for 'kissing ass,' then I would have been a bit happier.

And as for the 'little boy' comments - I was talking not about you, but the boyfriend in the OP. I repeat, not you. From what I could gather from the OP, the bf was 18 yo and hence still has a little growing to do yet. Still don't recall using that phrase, but yes, I did mention he had some growing to do. Him, not you.

Thankyou for expressing your view point. By negative and positive I meant that I view your standing as negative in that you're inclined to think little of others until they prove themselves worth more. That's fine and is your prerogative. Whereas my viewpoint is that I view people as worthy of at least a little of my respect straight away.

I do not believe that my attitude is that I have little self-worth compared to others; in fact I think very highly of myself. But I'm just humble enough to abide by others' rules temporarily to make life a little easier for me.

So while it may look a little too altruistic and self-flagellating for your liking, at the end of the day I'm still being a little self-serving by trying to make things easier for myself, hehe.

Again, I have no problem with you - we're both above petty internet arguing. And your opinions and viewpoints are equally valid as mine.

All the best.

Gaz