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Worried about my boyfriend's weight. :( Watch

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    it'll take time. just start introducing tasty healthy foods slowly
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    Force feed him a gallon of milk and tell him to man up and eat a steak
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    (Original post by whitepearlbaby)
    Fanks! But umm... why do you call them the French word for vegetables then It's confusing.
    me no know
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    (Original post by jun91ist)
    I weigh less than him and im older . I eat well and enjoy food. Its just genetics.

    At least he wont have a huge bear belly when hes older or suffer from increased heart problems. Well maybe not since he eats junk food.

    Make sure he is not anorexic.
    I think i am lighter than him 5 stone something i think but eat quite good.

    How do i find out my BMI?
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    In the nicest of possible ways, it sounds as if he was allowed to throw his toys out the pram during his upbringing, so is doing exactly the same now.

    I dont think theres actually anything wrong with him, he's just been so picky for so long that he's convinced himself he really can't weat anything else.
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    Dump him!


    Or you can get him 2Ls of Coke/Fanta Fruit Twist and give it to him every day.

    The amount sugar in that thing. It will make him gain weight. But I think you should

    Dump him.
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    (Original post by lemily)
    Hi, I felt I should reply as I have had a similar experience.

    When I first met my boyfriend he was fairly underweight (not as much as yours, but still rather skinny) and would only eat white bread, breaded chicken (nuggets, dippers etc), pizza, chips (and similar fried potato), cheese and occasionally mash. No veg, no fruit, no beef, or pork or turkey or fish. It was ridiculous. He also only seemed to eat max two meals a day. Often 4 slices buttered toast for breakfast and then a plate of junkfood for tea. He too was against trying new foods, and wouldn't let me push him.

    I put up with this for about a year. It was awful as I love food, love cooking, and have a really varied diet and was very worried about his health. I talked to him though and he said it kinda stemmed from being a picky eater as a child and then his parents gave up on making him try new things. After so many years of not being made to try anything new, he was genuinely fearful of new foods.

    Think of something that terrifies you, like heights. That feeling you get in your stomach. The tingly fingers. The lightheadedness. The nervousness, anxious trepidation that you will have to do something you are **** scared of.

    That is how your boyfriend feels when you put something new in front of him. That's how my boyfriend explained it to me so that I could understand. Everytime he tried to try something new thats how he felt. If he knew he would be going out for a meal in the evening, that feeling would start in the morning, getting worse throughout the day. If he put a new food in his mouth, he would often be physically sick, not because he didn't like the flavour but because he'd worked himself up so much.

    Imagine having to feel like that 3 times a day. Its awful and such a shame.

    Eventually though, he decided that he wanted to try and get better, if I would support him and understand his limitations. I said of course.

    The first step you have to understand is most 'healthy' and 'normal' food tastes rubbish to them. This is because their diet of what they call 'tasty' food is heavily laden with salt, sugar and fat. They will have withdrawal from this for between 2-4 weeks until their tongue relatively 'resets' itself and finds things more palatable. They may want to add salt to 'normal' foods in order to eat them at first. This is ok. Its less salt that they are used to eating anyway.

    Take it slow, don't push, understand their limitations and remember the fear they are feeling. Find a chewable vitamin (Bassets chewable ones taste like gummy sweets), replace fizzy drinks with squash, and try and start with foods that aren't so far removed from what they already eat. E.g. make homemade potato wedges instead of chips, or homemade pizza, or chicken goujons. Use strong flavourings such as garlic, chilli, spices, vinegar as this is what their tongue is used to.

    Don't be put off. My boyfriend thought he hated beef. He didn't. He hated mince and still does, but he loves steak. So don't be worried if your bf won't eat chicken one way, because he might another way, just like people who eat 'normally' have preferences.

    Don't try and throw a plate of veggies at him. Start with first expanding the range of meat, fish and carbs he eats. Replace chips with pasta and so on. Then, after a while, move on to 'safe' common veg such as peas and carrots.

    This process can take ages, and generally goes through waves. If you make progress one week, don't push it for a couple of weeks. Let the new foods settle into your diet before trying to try anything new. Make sure you also try new foods. I was adamant I didn't like mushrooms. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and I went to tolerating them, to loving them. Don't expect him to like everything you like, or the way you like it and buy foods that you both might not like to try. Try and eat out more often, building up from once a month. Generally people who are this faddy don't eat for pleasure but eat for fuel, and need to learn to enjoy food again even if it isn't healthy (learning they like chocolate fudge cake is still a new taste even if you wouldn't eat it everyday).

    Good luck, take it slow. If you can get help from the NHS, great, but I'm not sure how much it exists. 5 years on, my boyfriend now eats a much more varied diet though still doesn't like fruit all that much, but eats a fair amount of veggies, and eats lots of different meats and 'normal' dishes. He is also now 2-3 stones heavier and looks much healthier! It can happen, but don't expect it to happen quickly. Hope I've helped, and if you have any questions, do ask.
    Well that's amazing advice, I had to positive rep you straight away!

    I'll just write a few points about some of the things people have said:

    1. I doubt he's anorexic, he knows he's skinny and wants to gain weight, he just finds it difficult because of the way he is with food.

    2. Both his parents eat healthily; his mum gives the rest of his siblings a home-cooked meal every day, but he just makes his own sandwiches.

    3. I did think of Freaky Eaters at first! But I doubt he'll appreciate if I put him on it. :P

    4. I don't think it's genetics, seeing as his mum is chubby and his dad has a big beer belly.

    5. Yes, he does have a genuine fear of anything new. When we go to restaurants, he always orders the same thing, and is quite scared whenever I suggest something different.

    6. He won't go to a doctors, and I don't want to force him to.

    In general: I know it'll take a while to eat more/eat a different variety of foods for him. When I'm not with him I obviously can't ring him up and make him eat if he doesn't want to. But when we're together I could try and introduce him to the healthy routine of a "breakfast, lunch and dinner." He will eat Frosted Shreddies with milk, so that's a start with his calcium intake. For lunch I could just make him sandwiches and give him lots of fruit (he likes his fruit). For dinner I don't know what to make him, but it'll probably have meat in it, or maybe pasta (if he doesn't mind trying it). Again, I'll buy him different fruits to try. Does anything think that'll be okay for the day?

    Additional note: I'm being quite fussy, but no-one else seems to care about his diet. We sometimes spend weeks together so I'm genuinely concerned he's not eating enough in a week.

    And I'm not dumping him because of that!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well that's amazing advice, I had to positive rep you straight away!


    In general: I know it'll take a while to eat more/eat a different variety of foods for him. When I'm not with him I obviously can't ring him up and make him eat if he doesn't want to. But when we're together I could try and introduce him to the healthy routine of a "breakfast, lunch and dinner." He will eat Frosted Shreddies with milk, so that's a start with his calcium intake. For lunch I could just make him sandwiches and give him lots of fruit (he likes his fruit). For dinner I don't know what to make him, but it'll probably have meat in it, or maybe pasta (if he doesn't mind trying it). Again, I'll buy him different fruits to try. Does anything think that'll be okay for the day?

    Additional note: I'm being quite fussy, but no-one else seems to care about his diet. We sometimes spend weeks together so I'm genuinely concerned he's not eating enough in a week.

    And I'm not dumping him because of that!
    Thanks for the rep! I didn't really expect any. I just know how misunderstood this problem can be, and couldn't read and not leave a note.

    As for your plan, I would start even smaller than you are planning at the moment. What is most important is to increase variety, rather than improving health straight away. Most importantly you need to get his calorie intake well up, and also into the habit of eating regularly. In order to maintain a high calorie diet to increase his weight, it is not a bad thing for it to continue to be relatively high fat and calorie dense. An increase is body fat can be rectified later if necessary. You are going for calorie bulk and variety of foods, and then later on, swapping to healthier choices. You can't do both at once.

    So, like I said, maybe start smaller. Look at what he has for breakfast. If he eats toast, try him with buttered crumpets or brown bread. If he eats cereal, try and increase the portion size, or add a banana, or a handful of raisins/dried fruit. If he doesn't eat anything, then any breakfast food will do even if it is sugary cereal. Add a big glass of orange juice, and milk if he will drink it (don't worry about calcium too much if he eats cheese and takes a vit supplement. Flavoured milk is worth a try too. Amazing what a couple of spoons of nesquick can do) and you are well on your way to a 600cal breakfast, that doesn't challenge too much what he is already used to.

    As for lunch, if he eats cheese sandwiches, start small, and try switching to pitta bread or brown bread, or ham and cheese. Its all about tiny baby steps to new flavours and foods. Try changing what he already eats into a a different format - cheese sandwich -> Pizza toastie (can work up to adding a few slices of salami for extra cals). Try different breads like ciabatta, garlic bread, naan bread. Different flavours of crisps, and different types of cheese. Swap over chips for potato rosti, or croquettes. Still potato, different form and still oven cooked, so not too scary.


    By all means try pasta but only if it is something he has eaten before. Its more about modification at first than new foods. By slightly changing what they are used to, they get less scared as its similar ingredients in just a different way. Then adding a new item to the same 'recipe' is a lot less scary.

    For dinner, meat is a good way forward with a safe carb like potato. You could try homemade burgers (or at least a good store bought burger), and try putting a slice of tomato on it, and build that up gradually to lettuce and onion as well. My boyfriend had never eaten mayo, or salad dressing, that can make salad more palatable to their palate so that can help.

    Other dinner things to try are fajitas. Start with introducing wraps into his diet at lunchtime with something he feels safe with like chicken dippers or cheese. Then get some chicken breast, put it in a nice coating (spicy or bbq depending on what he likes) and have that in wraps. Over the next few months you can build up to adding the onions and peppers.

    If he eats fish fingers, you can start to suggest trying a piece of battered fish. Its the same thing, but more closely associated with the actual animal its made out of and paves the way for eating portions of fish not in batter.

    If he likes pizza, start by buying a cheese and tomato plain pizza, and adding things on like ham, salami, sliced mushrooms, etc. Then move on to making bases from scratch etc.

    If he eats sausages, try him with mash and gravy. If he doesn't like that, try toad in the hole or different types of sausages.

    All of the above probably sounds still horribly unhealthy and I don't claim that it is healthy, it is simply the baby steps that may ease him into healthier things as the months go on. Also remember you have to make sure he doesn't lose weight. If you present him with 3 meals that he can't finish, or doesn't enjoy eating, or refuses to eat, he may lose his appetite, and that is just not worth it.

    Put a few little bits of things out so he can put what he wants onto his plate. Don't put the food on his plate already for him. He will take the amount he is comfortable with. If he gets upset, or is still obviously hungry, make some food he is happy to eat. This isn't a failure. He has tried (though it might not always seem like it to you) and it just isn't happening on that day. It may happen another day.

    In the future, after realising these small changes aren't scary, the bigger changes will be much easier and faster.

    I hope this helps and isn't horribly patronising. If you have any more q's please ask.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I doubt he has anorexia because he knows he's thin. He refuses to go to a doctor because "they couldn't help me then, they won't help me now. No one can talk me into eating foods I don't like."

    And nope, no vitamins either. ¬¬ He can't swallow tablets.

    My only option is to just convince him to take liquid vitamin supplements.

    Thanks everyone for the advice.
    Get BBC3 on the phone and get him on Freaky Eaters.
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    Gah!

    Is this forum always full of overprotective people? Let them be however they want to be! Men aren't bothered about weight!!! If he is thin, then he is probably just naturally thin. Get over it.
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    (Original post by AnonyMatt)
    Get BBC3 on the phone and get him on Freaky Eaters.

    This is what I was thinking. Is your bf that guy who was on ages ago who only ate chips?
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    (Original post by ShinyApple)
    Gah!

    Is this forum always full of overprotective people? Let them be however they want to be! Men aren't bothered about weight!!! If he is thin, then he is probably just naturally thin. Get over it.
    Did you even read the thread? I wouldn't just make up a thread to say "My boyfriend is thin, boohoo". The reason WHY he's thin is because he doesn't eat, not because he's "probably just naturally thin." I consider that a genuine problem. Go away if you're going to be unhelpful.
 
 
 
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