Never Had Sex Before - Please Help
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What the hell are you on about?
Nowhere did i say, or insinuate , that boyfriends have a right to sex?
If OP was a guy talking about his girlfriend, i would say the same, would you then tell me i was saying girlfriends had a right to sex? Stop trying to be all 'womans rights' about things and over analysing what i said.
And btw.
The majority of people on this forum are older than 16, its a student forum..with the majority of people being AT university.
I'm sorry i didnt write 5 replies to OP, each aimed at different age groups just to make sure it was right.
Jesus christ.. some people.
Nowhere did i say, or insinuate , that boyfriends have a right to sex?
If OP was a guy talking about his girlfriend, i would say the same, would you then tell me i was saying girlfriends had a right to sex? Stop trying to be all 'womans rights' about things and over analysing what i said.
And btw.
The majority of people on this forum are older than 16, its a student forum..with the majority of people being AT university.
I'm sorry i didnt write 5 replies to OP, each aimed at different age groups just to make sure it was right.
Jesus christ.. some people.
Original post by ashleighwhitehouse
sex may "help" a relationship, with "intimacy" or whatever
but you can do lots of stuff thats not sex which is still intimate like lying around in bed, sleeping together (as in falling asleep), going to certain places, going out to eat etc.
but you can do lots of stuff thats not sex which is still intimate like lying around in bed, sleeping together (as in falling asleep), going to certain places, going out to eat etc.
Ye, i know you can.. nowhere did i say you cant?
I simple made a statement. The statement was that sex helps a relationship. And that is proven. I did not say anything about what else does or doesnt help.
Original post by Tommyjw
Ye, i know you can.. nowhere did i say you cant?
I simple made a statement. The statement was that sex helps a relationship. And that is proven. I did not say anything about what else does or doesnt help.
I simple made a statement. The statement was that sex helps a relationship. And that is proven. I did not say anything about what else does or doesnt help.
yes, but the whole reason it helps a relationship is because of the intimacy it creates.
Original post by ashleighwhitehouse
yes, but the whole reason it helps a relationship is because of the intimacy it creates.
Yes... i know..
and ... ?
I said sex helps a relationship.. and your agreeing with me yet still trying to argue with me.. ?
Original post by Tommyjw
Yes... i know..
and ... ?
I said sex helps a relationship.. and your agreeing with me yet still trying to argue with me.. ?
and ... ?
I said sex helps a relationship.. and your agreeing with me yet still trying to argue with me.. ?
no.
im arguing with the fact that you were like people should just be friends if they dont have sex because they clearly dont care the about each other enough type of thing.
you make it sound like you think people should only be together if they have sex, and that if they have sex itll create intimacy, but i was saying that you don't need to want to have sex to be together because you can create that intimacy in other ways.
(edited 13 years ago)
I'm having a hard time believing the way you think too.
Sex isn't essential in a relationship? Riiiiiight! Why bother being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' then? Why not just be platonic friends if you're not having sex?
So, I can 'like the company' of my male friends. I can talk 'intimately' with my male friends. I don't necessarily need someone of the opposite sex for this.
That depends on the type of relationship we're talking about. I put all sexual/romantic relationship into one of the following categories:-
1) Long term or short term?
2) Monogamous or non-monogamous?
3) Casual or more serious?
Of course, if the relationship is short-term, non monogamous casual sex, then it's going to be based on sex. Nothing wrong with that at all if that's what both parties want, if everybody has been upfront and honest with each other.
If the relationship is a longer term, more serious thing, then of course it's not JUST sex. I want to get to know that girl so I can see if she's on my wavelength as a person. I want to see if she's interesting to me. I want to see if she's on my level of intelligence. I want to see if she has good character or if she's just full of ****. I want to be with someone who I like as a person, but who I'm also sexually attracted to. I want to see if we have anything in common, etc.
I live my life by a code of honour and base all my relationships on 3 things: HONESTY, TRUST and RESPECT, and I don't get involved with any girl who doesn't believe in those 3 things. In fact I tell girls this upfront, so there's no misunderstandings about how I operate.
But what I'm saying is...WITHOUT SEX, a 'relationship' is just a platonic friendship.
I don't get with women to have platonic friendships. No man gets a girlfriend because he is looking for a female friend. Let's get real here.
I can't comment on this without knowing the boyfriend's side of the story. He may be frustrated, I don't know. But you can 'enjoy the company' and 'spend time with' a friend. Those things don't make the relationship a 'boyfriend/girlfriend' relationship.
Again dear, a relationship without sex is just a platonic friendship.
And it's 'pretty normal' to not have sex with someone you're 'going out with'? Since when? You're not actually 'going out' if there's no sexual element; you are just friends.
How many times do I have to repeat myself: if there's no sex in a 'relationship', then it's just a platonic friendship.
And if you're young and not ready for sex, then stay single. Don't get involved with anyone of the opposite sex, just remain platonic friends with them until you are mature enough to handle normal, sexual relationships.
Again, calling me a 'pig' is nothing more than a subjective criticism and means nothing.
Again, if young girls feel 'under pressure' to have sex, then that means they aren't ready to be having relationships with guys. So they should wait until they are ready and mature enough before getting involved with someone. End of. Then they wouldn't feel 'pressured'.
Of course I can have relationships without sex....they are called platonic friendships. I have plenty of those...with my male buddies, and with my family, etc.
But I hook up with members of the opposite sex because I'm SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM. Nothing wrong with that, this is REALITY. Of course I want to like them as people as well...I always say it's good to be friends with the girls I date....but never JUST FRIENDS. The best relationships are when you are friends AND lovers all in one. And to be lovers, there has to be a sexual element to the relationship.
You seem to be living in some sort of weird alternative reality where men and women hook up just to be mates and to not have sex. In your reality, guys and girls who don't have sex but merely 'enjoy each others company' are 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. And in your reality, any guy who hooks up with a girl because he wants to have sex with her is a 'pig'. Can't you see how messed up your reality is? It's not the REAL WORLD....
Why would ANYONE date a girl for a month without having sex with them? That's a LOT of wasted time in my opinion. I value my time and it would be the height of stupidity to wait that amount of time to have sex with someone.
If a girl still 'isn't ready for sex' a month or 2 months after meeting me, she's either a) not attracted to me, b) playing games with me, c) wasting my time, or d) has hang-ups about sex.....in which case, I don't want her. There are plenty of single, horny women out there who will give me what I'm looking for in a much shorter space of time.
Of course you have a right to have sex with your girlfriend (if she consents to it, of course). A 'boyfriend-girlfriend' relationship should be a SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP, or they aren't 'boyfriend and girlfriend'.
Again dear, I stated earlier that I live by a code of honour and base my relationships on 3 things: HONESTY, TRUST and RESPECT.
If a girl doesn't want to date me, I fully RESPECT that...and I move onto a girl who does want to date me.
If a girl doesn't want to have sex with me, I fully RESPECT that....and I move onto a girl who does want to have sex with me.
I treat women fairly, I treat them as human beings, I am honest with them etc etc.
So don't give me this crap about not respecting women.
You seem to think that 'wanting sex from a girl' = 'I don't respect her'. That's bull****.
Why would any guy want to wait 1.5 years or more to have sex with any girl? That is just an ABSURD amount of time to wait to have sex with someone.
Any guy who is willing to wait that amount of time to have sex with one girl either a) can't get another girl, because he knows he 'got lucky' with this girl and if he walked away from her he wouldn't be able to get anyone else, so he has to latch onto her; or b) over-values sex and under-values his own time ; or c) is very young and naive.
And you state this girl is 'happy'. If she was so 'happy', why would she feel the need to post about her situation on an internet message board? Something tells me that she DOES want to have sex with this guy, but she has hang-ups about having sex for whatever reason. She wouldn't be posting here for advice if she was 'happy' with her situation.
If I'm a 'pig' for giving people the honest truth and cutting through the bull**** on this thread, then so be it. But again, it's merely a subjective label and as such means nothing.
Excuse me??? I put sex on pedestal??? No no dear....I'm not the one who is willing to wait 1.5 years or more just to have sex with someone. People who put sex on a pedestal and treat it like a sacred thing are willing to wait that amount of time.
But me? Hell no. I don't treat sex like the 'Holy Grail' of any on that ****. I see sex as a normal, healthy human need. And therefore I don't put it on a pedestal at all. I would NEVER be willing to wait that amount of time just for a bit of sex with a girl. So I really don't understand why you think I put sex on a 'complete pedestal'. The only guy I see who puts sex on a 'complete pedestal' is the OP's 'boyfriend', because he was willing to wait so long for it.
Says who that 'sex should be part of an emotional relationship'? Says who? The church? Religion? Your parents? School? The media? Where did you pick up this belief from?
Sex doesn't have to be part of an emotional relationship. What about short-term casual sex? What about one-night stands? Are these emotional relationships? Hardly!
Sex CAN be part of an emotional relationship....but it can also be part of a non-emotional relationship. There is no fixed rule or fixed law that says 'If you have sex with someone, you must also be emotionally attached to them'. That's bull****!
Sex is just sex. If you choose only to have sex as part of an emotionally profound relationship, fair enough. But people also have the right to have non-emotional sex too. Both men and women are SEXUAL BEINGS, and as such can be turned on without being 'emotionally attached' to someone.
It is not 'of higher morals' to only have sex within an emotional relationship. Seriously, YOU are treating sex like it's this 'Holy Grail'....YOU are the one putting sex on a pedestal if you think you can ONLY have sex within an emotional relationship. And you had the audacity to accuse ME of 'putting sex on a complete pedestal'.
You are a piece of work, Boobies....
Sex isn't essential in a relationship? Riiiiiight! Why bother being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' then? Why not just be platonic friends if you're not having sex?
So, I can 'like the company' of my male friends. I can talk 'intimately' with my male friends. I don't necessarily need someone of the opposite sex for this.
That depends on the type of relationship we're talking about. I put all sexual/romantic relationship into one of the following categories:-
1) Long term or short term?
2) Monogamous or non-monogamous?
3) Casual or more serious?
Of course, if the relationship is short-term, non monogamous casual sex, then it's going to be based on sex. Nothing wrong with that at all if that's what both parties want, if everybody has been upfront and honest with each other.
If the relationship is a longer term, more serious thing, then of course it's not JUST sex. I want to get to know that girl so I can see if she's on my wavelength as a person. I want to see if she's interesting to me. I want to see if she's on my level of intelligence. I want to see if she has good character or if she's just full of ****. I want to be with someone who I like as a person, but who I'm also sexually attracted to. I want to see if we have anything in common, etc.
I live my life by a code of honour and base all my relationships on 3 things: HONESTY, TRUST and RESPECT, and I don't get involved with any girl who doesn't believe in those 3 things. In fact I tell girls this upfront, so there's no misunderstandings about how I operate.
But what I'm saying is...WITHOUT SEX, a 'relationship' is just a platonic friendship.
I don't get with women to have platonic friendships. No man gets a girlfriend because he is looking for a female friend. Let's get real here.
I can't comment on this without knowing the boyfriend's side of the story. He may be frustrated, I don't know. But you can 'enjoy the company' and 'spend time with' a friend. Those things don't make the relationship a 'boyfriend/girlfriend' relationship.
Again dear, a relationship without sex is just a platonic friendship.
And it's 'pretty normal' to not have sex with someone you're 'going out with'? Since when? You're not actually 'going out' if there's no sexual element; you are just friends.
How many times do I have to repeat myself: if there's no sex in a 'relationship', then it's just a platonic friendship.
And if you're young and not ready for sex, then stay single. Don't get involved with anyone of the opposite sex, just remain platonic friends with them until you are mature enough to handle normal, sexual relationships.
Again, calling me a 'pig' is nothing more than a subjective criticism and means nothing.
Again, if young girls feel 'under pressure' to have sex, then that means they aren't ready to be having relationships with guys. So they should wait until they are ready and mature enough before getting involved with someone. End of. Then they wouldn't feel 'pressured'.
Of course I can have relationships without sex....they are called platonic friendships. I have plenty of those...with my male buddies, and with my family, etc.
But I hook up with members of the opposite sex because I'm SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM. Nothing wrong with that, this is REALITY. Of course I want to like them as people as well...I always say it's good to be friends with the girls I date....but never JUST FRIENDS. The best relationships are when you are friends AND lovers all in one. And to be lovers, there has to be a sexual element to the relationship.
You seem to be living in some sort of weird alternative reality where men and women hook up just to be mates and to not have sex. In your reality, guys and girls who don't have sex but merely 'enjoy each others company' are 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. And in your reality, any guy who hooks up with a girl because he wants to have sex with her is a 'pig'. Can't you see how messed up your reality is? It's not the REAL WORLD....
Why would ANYONE date a girl for a month without having sex with them? That's a LOT of wasted time in my opinion. I value my time and it would be the height of stupidity to wait that amount of time to have sex with someone.
If a girl still 'isn't ready for sex' a month or 2 months after meeting me, she's either a) not attracted to me, b) playing games with me, c) wasting my time, or d) has hang-ups about sex.....in which case, I don't want her. There are plenty of single, horny women out there who will give me what I'm looking for in a much shorter space of time.
Of course you have a right to have sex with your girlfriend (if she consents to it, of course). A 'boyfriend-girlfriend' relationship should be a SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP, or they aren't 'boyfriend and girlfriend'.
Again dear, I stated earlier that I live by a code of honour and base my relationships on 3 things: HONESTY, TRUST and RESPECT.
If a girl doesn't want to date me, I fully RESPECT that...and I move onto a girl who does want to date me.
If a girl doesn't want to have sex with me, I fully RESPECT that....and I move onto a girl who does want to have sex with me.
I treat women fairly, I treat them as human beings, I am honest with them etc etc.
So don't give me this crap about not respecting women.
You seem to think that 'wanting sex from a girl' = 'I don't respect her'. That's bull****.
Why would any guy want to wait 1.5 years or more to have sex with any girl? That is just an ABSURD amount of time to wait to have sex with someone.
Any guy who is willing to wait that amount of time to have sex with one girl either a) can't get another girl, because he knows he 'got lucky' with this girl and if he walked away from her he wouldn't be able to get anyone else, so he has to latch onto her; or b) over-values sex and under-values his own time ; or c) is very young and naive.
And you state this girl is 'happy'. If she was so 'happy', why would she feel the need to post about her situation on an internet message board? Something tells me that she DOES want to have sex with this guy, but she has hang-ups about having sex for whatever reason. She wouldn't be posting here for advice if she was 'happy' with her situation.
If I'm a 'pig' for giving people the honest truth and cutting through the bull**** on this thread, then so be it. But again, it's merely a subjective label and as such means nothing.
Excuse me??? I put sex on pedestal??? No no dear....I'm not the one who is willing to wait 1.5 years or more just to have sex with someone. People who put sex on a pedestal and treat it like a sacred thing are willing to wait that amount of time.
But me? Hell no. I don't treat sex like the 'Holy Grail' of any on that ****. I see sex as a normal, healthy human need. And therefore I don't put it on a pedestal at all. I would NEVER be willing to wait that amount of time just for a bit of sex with a girl. So I really don't understand why you think I put sex on a 'complete pedestal'. The only guy I see who puts sex on a 'complete pedestal' is the OP's 'boyfriend', because he was willing to wait so long for it.
Says who that 'sex should be part of an emotional relationship'? Says who? The church? Religion? Your parents? School? The media? Where did you pick up this belief from?
Sex doesn't have to be part of an emotional relationship. What about short-term casual sex? What about one-night stands? Are these emotional relationships? Hardly!
Sex CAN be part of an emotional relationship....but it can also be part of a non-emotional relationship. There is no fixed rule or fixed law that says 'If you have sex with someone, you must also be emotionally attached to them'. That's bull****!
Sex is just sex. If you choose only to have sex as part of an emotionally profound relationship, fair enough. But people also have the right to have non-emotional sex too. Both men and women are SEXUAL BEINGS, and as such can be turned on without being 'emotionally attached' to someone.
It is not 'of higher morals' to only have sex within an emotional relationship. Seriously, YOU are treating sex like it's this 'Holy Grail'....YOU are the one putting sex on a pedestal if you think you can ONLY have sex within an emotional relationship. And you had the audacity to accuse ME of 'putting sex on a complete pedestal'.
You are a piece of work, Boobies....
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by *Star*Guitar*
I was like this too. And I didn't feel ready until I was 18. Balls to what anyone else thinks, its your decision and its you that lives with it, so do what you think is right.
I'm 18 and still not ready!
And now that I've found out OP is 16 it's not really such a big deal.....(in my opinion) 16 is so young! You got ages ahead of you
Original post by Anonymous
... Oh wow, is that what it looks like from the outside ;; that I am stringing him along.
And when I say my friends are immature not because they have had sex so many times but the way in which they answer my questions a bit too casually when I need proper advice.
And I feel like I am ready ... So should I just go for it?
And if I ask him to go slowly, will he listen?
- by the way I am 16 , Just so you know.
And when I say my friends are immature not because they have had sex so many times but the way in which they answer my questions a bit too casually when I need proper advice.
And I feel like I am ready ... So should I just go for it?
And if I ask him to go slowly, will he listen?
- by the way I am 16 , Just so you know.
Have you done other things? Don't just 'do it', do it when it feels right and you want to, now that you know your ready.
Original post by Tommyjw
Ye, i know you can.. nowhere did i say you cant?
I simple made a statement. The statement was that sex helps a relationship. And that is proven. I did not say anything about what else does or doesnt help.
I simple made a statement. The statement was that sex helps a relationship. And that is proven. I did not say anything about what else does or doesnt help.
Except 'sex' doesn't have to mean sexual intercourse, does it now? It just means sexual acts and sexual intimacy.
Original post by missygeorgia
Except 'sex' doesn't have to mean sexual intercourse, does it now? It just means sexual acts and sexual intimacy.
Sexual intimacy COMES from sexual acts, so there is no difference.
and yet again,i LITERALLY said SEX helps a relationship, i said one main statement, one fact.. i did no say anything above other sexual acts and whether they do or dont help a relationship.
I have no idea what you are trying to argue about or point out, but there is no reason for it.
Original post by Tommyjw
Sexual intimacy COMES from sexual acts, so there is no difference.
and yet again,i LITERALLY said SEX helps a relationship, i said one main statement, one fact.. i did no say anything above other sexual acts and whether they do or dont help a relationship.
I have no idea what you are trying to argue about or point out, but there is no reason for it.
and yet again,i LITERALLY said SEX helps a relationship, i said one main statement, one fact.. i did no say anything above other sexual acts and whether they do or dont help a relationship.
I have no idea what you are trying to argue about or point out, but there is no reason for it.
You're being very vague about what you mean by 'sex'. Do you mean specifically intercourse or are you including any sexual acts?
Because sexual acts doesn't have to mean sexual intercourse. And the OP said she has done other sexual acts with her boyfriend. So why does it matter whether they have sexual intercourse or not?
Original post by missygeorgia
You're being very vague about what you mean by 'sex'. Do you mean specifically intercourse or are you including any sexual acts?
Because sexual acts doesn't have to mean sexual intercourse. And the OP said she has done other sexual acts with her boyfriend. So why does it matter whether they have sexual intercourse or not?
Because sexual acts doesn't have to mean sexual intercourse. And the OP said she has done other sexual acts with her boyfriend. So why does it matter whether they have sexual intercourse or not?
I said sex, sex means sex. When you say two people had sex, it does not mean anything other than intercourse. Dictionary definitions show intercourse
I specifically said, experts say SEX helps a relationship, the actual act of having sexual intercourse.
You are a really nice girl 
i'm guessing that you are of the female species
i'm guessing that you are of the female species 
Original post by Neil_K
I'm having a hard time believing the way you think too.
Sex isn't essential in a relationship? Riiiiiight! Why bother being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' then? Why not just be platonic friends if you're not having sex?
Sex isn't essential in a relationship? Riiiiiight! Why bother being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' then? Why not just be platonic friends if you're not having sex?
Lol even from my perspective as a horny male I can't agree with this... You really can't recognise the difference between platonic friendship and an intimate relationship that doesn't involve sex? When I was around OP's age I had a fairly long (for that age) relationship that didn't involve sex for quite some time, but I was certainly more than platonic friends with my girlfriend...
(edited 13 years ago)
I disagree about the OP's friends being immature because they have casual sex. I wish girls would stop feeling so much sexual guilt, because that guilt is the product of centuries of christian influence and not linked to reality. I'm not saying you should sleep with the whole neighborhood and hook up with random strangers all the time, that would be just as tragic and unhealthy as forced abstinence. But since sex is a natural pleasure, and I'm sure your boyfriend is missing it bitterly, it would benefit the both of you to have it once in a while.
Original post by JohnnytheFox
Seriously, just do it. Once you've tried it for the first time you'll wonder what all the fuss was about. You're still the same person after you've lost your virginity, it's not like anything changes (except maybe the state of your Hymen).
Granted I'm a dude but the only thing that changed after my first time was that I spent the next day with a huge smile only dwarfed by my massive ego and the contentment of knowing I was no longer a virgin and as such regardless of what happened to me I wouldn't die with Virgin engraved into my tombstone.
OP, if you think you're ready than just do it. Your boyfriend sounds like he cares (he has waited long enough) so at least you'll lose it to someone you care about/trust.
As for your stage-fright if that is what you want to call it, allot of girls have it, but really there is nothing to be scared of whatsoever.
At worst your first time is **** (it is hardly going to be the best sex you'll ever have) but at least you'll have a spring board and an experience to base future ones off of.
The best case scenario is that it is a magical evening of romantic expression and you see God, I dunno.
Basically you have nothing to lose but your virginity and since virginity is essentially a lack of something, the absence of a sex life or an important milestone in most people's life, it isn't really even something worth keeping.
Best of luck OP, as usual the decision is ultimately yours. Do what you think is right for you.
Original post by Neil_K
What I feel sorry for is guys like the OP's boyfriend, who waste a year and a half with a girl who they're not even having sex with. In fact, no, I don't even feel sorry for him because he must be a complete chump if he spent so long with a girl who didn't put out.
I'd have been out of there after 3 dates maximum if a girl didn't have any interest in having sex with me. I wouldn't waste my time. If a girl isn't ready for sex, then I don't want her..
I'd have been out of there after 3 dates maximum if a girl didn't have any interest in having sex with me. I wouldn't waste my time. If a girl isn't ready for sex, then I don't want her..
You sound like a sex-obsessed arse. Relationships don't have to have sex in them to be relationships! People who kiss and hold hands and do everything except sex aren't platonic friends either! Who says she hasn't done things other than sex?
I bet you're single, and if not I feel sorry for your girlfriend.
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