Think my bf isn’t attracted to me

So me and bf have been together nearly 2 years. We’ve always had a Rocky s9x life, recently he has been harping on about steak and b!ow job day, which I’m more than happy to oblige. But when it comes down to it and I say do you want one he says no. Which makes me feel like he isn’t attracted to me or doesn’t want me. I don’t know what to do. I love this man so much and would do anything he asks please any advice is welcome

Reply 1

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

20

Don't just accept a 'no', ask 'why not?'

Reply 2

ageshallnot

21

Buy a steak, ask how he likes it cooked and put the grill on...

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

“Steak and blow job day” but then doesn’t want it ugh just break up stop investing this time and energy into people who are clearly only wasting them.

Reply 4

Crazy Jamie

Life & Style Forum Helper, Careers Forum Helper

19

It's perfectly normal to feel insecure about whether or not your other half is attracted to you in this situation, but as if everything it's normally not nearly as straightforward as simply whether or not he finds you attractive. The thing is, you're not going to know what the reason is unless you ask him. It doesn't sound like you have, so that's what you need to do first before seeking advice on here.

Reply 5

User550224

OP

2

Original post by Crazy Jamie

It's perfectly normal to feel insecure about whether or not your other half is attracted to you in this situation, but as if everything it's normally not nearly as straightforward as simply whether or not he finds you attractive. The thing is, you're not going to know what the reason is unless you ask him. It doesn't sound like you have, so that's what you need to do first before seeking advice on here.

Any time I ask his reply is something along the lines of “I’m not in the mood, or I’m tired I’ve got work in the morning” which I understand he’s not always going to be in the mood for sexy time but he was the one who kept saying to me and his friends that he couldn’t wait for one

Reply 6

Crazy Jamie

Life & Style Forum Helper, Careers Forum Helper

19

Original post by User550224

Any time I ask his reply is something along the lines of “I’m not in the mood, or I’m tired I’ve got work in the morning” which I understand he’s not always going to be in the mood for sexy time but he was the one who kept saying to me and his friends that he couldn’t wait for one

But that's you asking him on individual occasions, and him saying he's not in the mood or tired. You need to ask him about the wider issue of him consistently not wanting to have sex.

Reply 7

User550224

OP

2

Original post by Crazy Jamie

But that's you asking him on individual occasions, and him saying he's not in the mood or tired. You need to ask him about the wider issue of him consistently not wanting to have sex.

its not that we never have sex, we do but it is always me that initiates it. We have spoken about it before and he says that a lot of times when I try to have sex with him he’s just not horny. I just don’t understand it. We kiss and cuddle and have a really good relationship except for this. It honestly is the only thing we fight about

Reply 8

Crazy Jamie

Life & Style Forum Helper, Careers Forum Helper

19

Original post by User550224

its not that we never have sex, we do but it is always me that initiates it. We have spoken about it before and he says that a lot of times when I try to have sex with him he’s just not horny. I just don’t understand it. We kiss and cuddle and have a really good relationship except for this. It honestly is the only thing we fight about

This is a really common problem. It's usually the man who wants more sex than the woman, but sometimes it is this way around. It's actually pretty unusual for two people in a relationship to have the same sex drive. More often than not one does have a higher sex drive than the other. It may not be the silver bullet that you want, but it's just something you need to work at. It takes deeper and more honest conversation than just why he doesn't want to have sex as often as you. It also takes good communication to raise it, express your own insecurities, and to not fight about it. So really I think the main takeaway is that this isn't unusual, and most couples will have disagreements about this. It's about being empathetic and understanding towards each other, and figuring out ways to bring you closer together. It may be that that involves you accepting that you might have sex a bit less than you might want to, but again, that does depend on the situation. As you say, you have an excellent relationship other than this, but this is a notoriously difficult issue. It's just something you need to work at.

Reply 9

ageshallnot

21

Original post by User550224

Any time I ask his reply is something along the lines of “I’m not in the mood, or I’m tired I’ve got work in the morning” which I understand he’s not always going to be in the mood for sexy time but he was the one who kept saying to me and his friends that he couldn’t wait for one

Taking a more serious line than my somewhat flippant comment above, I agree very much with the comments above about seeking the cause of his reticence.

One thing I noted in the reply which I'm quoting is "saying to me and his friends..." He appears to want to appear confident and assertive about sex to his mates, but isn't like that in reality. Has he ever had issues about his sexual performance?

Reply 10

greentiger

15

Sounds like because you’ve been together quite a while he’s scared to hurt you, like he’s sticking around but his heart isn’t there.

Reply 11

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Th3boyg

I'm a guy and I think there are lots of reasons that a guy might turn down oral sex. 1) He might be worried about his hygiene at the moment - doesn't want it to be unpleasant for you. 2) He might be nervous about being looked at so closely. Why? I don't know. People can just be funny about stuff like that. Shy. 3) He might not actually like to receive oral sex. I don't really like it that much. The idea is enticing enough, but in practice, well, mouths are better at kissing and eating than they are at pleasuring a man. Funny old world. 4) You say you've always had a rocky sex life (that means kind of uneven and not perfect, right?), so maybe there's a common cause there. For example, maybe he's not terribly confident about himself and receiving oral sex brings out his worries. That kind of thing is probably more common than you think. 5) He might not be attracted to you. Probably this is not the explanation. I don't know how to say this, but, guys are probably LESS picky about who they allow to give them oral sex than they are about who they have penis in vagina sex with. And I know this sounds like it contradicts 2, but I don't think it does.
Best thing to do is talk with him and invite him to tell you about why he turns you down. Let him know that you're worried about it, and give him space to explain himself to you. And then try to understand and accept what he tells you.
Kind wishes.

Any particular reason you replied to a 4 month old thread that was specifically about March 14th?!?

Original post by User550224

So me and bf have been together nearly 2 years. We’ve always had a Rocky s9x life, recently he has been harping on about steak and b!ow job day, which I’m more than happy to oblige. But when it comes down to it and I say do you want one he says no. Which makes me feel like he isn’t attracted to me or doesn’t want me. I don’t know what to do. I love this man so much and would do anything he asks please any advice is welcome

The whole concept of "Steak and Blowjob day" was from the 00's, and was a p:sstake of how simple men were and how women can be very difficult to please. It's no coincidence that the date is March 14th; exactly a month after Valentines Day (which is all about the women). This is an old joke, but it's basically the same thing.

How to impress a woman:-

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1) Make her feel like a princess on her birthday, Valentines day; surprise her at work with a bouquet of favourite flowers

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2) Blow off all you mates when she's feeling sad, lonely or "hormonal"

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3) Know what she's thinking (without her saying) and know when to and not to give her a cuddle

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4) Be sociable and accommodating to ALL her nearest and dearest in-laws (e.g. her mother, her gay best friend, her Chiwawa etc).

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5) When she's had a really s**ty day, give her a nice big hug, and a massage... and run the bath with her favourite salts /perfumes

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6) When she's been away on business / holiday, meet her at the airport with her favourite chocolates

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7) Do some discrete detective work with some of her friends, to find out what she really want (but never tells you)

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8) Occasionally give her that Dazzling smile, or whatever made her fall for you in the first place

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9) Surprise her with the occasional treat (simply because you "can")

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10) On the weekend of the World / European Cup Final, whisk her away for a romantic weekend in either Paris, Rome or Venice (unless, of course the final is hosted there).