This might be a long post, so I am sorry in advance.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 7 months. We kind of jumped head first into it, and fell in love quite quickly. The problem was we lived 40 miles apart- which meant spending money to see each other. It has always been me spending the money and doing the travelling. I don't mind, because I wanted to see him. And he usually brought my food and made up the money.
But now things have gotten a bit well, I'm not sure how to phrase it. He spends all his money on certain things, which means that we can't go out together and I'm stuck eating toast the whole time I stay with him. But that isn't really the problem. He doesn't really appreciate what I do anymore. I have started a few arguments about various things, such as:
1. I am bottom of his priorities list- he always says when hes with me that he wishes he was with "the boys". The fact he has no money for us to go out together because he spends it on this shows that too.
2. The fact he doesn't appreciate the travelling I do. He even told me that if it was the other way round he wouldn't do it.
3. He is always checking out and remarking on women when he's with me, telling me who he'd like to shag, and talking about porn. I don't really find it appropriate that he tells me this....he also boasts to me (and his mates) about bedding this girl that was underage.
And he's always shouting at me/getting angry. Whatever I do. I went to see him, and he told me he doesn't want me there doing what I normally do, "moping", because he goes on msn and forums for hours, and I just sit there. He got angry at me and I cried, and felt so silly.
He says that me starting arguments is making him think it would be easier if we broke up, making him question if it's worth it. This made me cry again, it's silly but if we broke up, I would have no one. All my friends went to uni and he's the only one I've got really.
That day I thought having sex would fix it (yes, it's stupid), and ended up crying during it, although he didn't see/notice. Later I tried to initiate sex again but he wouldn't do it with me, again in the morning he shouted at me when I tried to kiss him.
I feel like the relationship is falling apart because of me. Because I started these arguments. Maybe I was overreacting. I'm trying to do everything to fix it, I buy him stuff, I let him talk about other girls, I let him spend all the time when he's with me on msn talking to people. I feel like if I was perhaps a better girlfriend he would treat me better
It sounds nuts, but that'show I feel.
Sometimes I feel I deserve better. But I probably wouldn't find it or find anyone for that matter.
Advice please???