[Gay] How to tell him I like him without making it awkward?

Original post by Teravolt

I'm 17, he's 18, in the year above. We're friends and I really like him, but I don't know if he's gay or likes me in that way or not. I'm openly gay so maybe if he liked me he would have told me already? I don't wanna lose him as a friend, but we're not close friends. What should I do?

If you really like him. You should go ahead a tell him. Be gentle about it though, you don't want to scare him off!

Do you have any idea how he feels about homosexuality? If he is comfortable with it...Then even if he is not gay, you can expect that he won't react too badly. If he isn't...It might not be a good idea to tell him then.

All the best! :smile:

Reply 4

OP

Original post by aura1947

If you really like him. You should go ahead a tell him. Be gentle about it though, you don't want to scare him off!

Do you have any idea how he feels about homosexuality? If he is comfortable with it...Then even if he is not gay, you can expect that he won't react too badly. If he isn't...It might not be a good idea to tell him then.

All the best! :smile:

How can I tell him without scaring him off? I've only ever asked out guys who I know are gay. I know he's comfortable with homosexuality.

Thanks :smile:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 5

Revd. Mike

17

Even with heterosexual relationships, you should be wary of telling a friend you have feelings for them unless you're reasonably sure they're open to a relationship, because it can really change the dynamic of a friendship and make things awkward.

It can be worse with homosexuality, as often the other person can be a bit uncomfortable with that.

If you think they might be gay and they might be open to the idea of being with you in that way then tell them, but be cool. Don't blurt it out or make a big fuss over it, as it makes people even more uncomfortable and it's quite off putting.

If you're not sure, my best advice would be to leave it and get over it.

Reply 6

Sovietpride

9

Find out via other friends who you can trust?

Thing is, sure you don't want to lose him as a friend, but can you stand *just* being friends?

Reply 7

jimcatinnes

2

Original post by Teravolt

I'm 17, he's 18. We're friends and I really like him, but I don't know if he's gay or likes me in that way or not. I'm openly gay so maybe if he liked me he would have told me already? I don't wanna lose him as a friend, but we're not like close friends. What should I do?

Unless you know he's gay 1000000% do not tell him you like him. He may be very accepting to gay people, but most if not all straight men will be put off if a male friend said they were attracted to them.

I don't mean that to be offensive.

Reply 8

aura1947

Original post by Teravolt

How can I tell him without scaring him off? I've only ever asked out guys who I know are gay, so they. I know he's comfortable with homosexuality.

Thanks :smile:

Don't do what I did...It turned pretty ugly. >_< lol

Just don't come off too strong on him. Tell him you have been feeling this for a while and and kind of like him, y'know? That sort of stuff. Don't, please don't use the word "love" (I know you are smart enough to know that :tongue:

)!

Considering you have actually asked out guys so you are probably better at this than I am. :tongue:

All the best. :smile:

Reply 9

dbmag9

To provide a counterbalance to all the "don't tell him if he's straight it'll ruin everything!" people (not that that isn't a possibility), one of my straight friends knows I've fancied him for ages (I'm not very subtle when I'm drunk), and we're fine about it. What you want to get across is that your feelings are on the "it would be nice if it happened, but it isn't going to get me that upset if it's not" level. Be casual about it; no-one likes being confrontational.

And good luck. :p:

Reply 10

OP

Original post by dbmag9

To provide a counterbalance to all the "don't tell him if he's straight it'll ruin everything!" people (not that that isn't a possibility), one of my straight friends knows I've fancied him for ages (I'm not very subtle when I'm drunk), and we're fine about it. What you want to get across is that your feelings are on the "it would be nice if it happened, but it isn't going to get me that upset if it's not" level. Be casual about it; no-one likes being confrontational.

And good luck. :p:

I'm not sure what exactly to say, when I've asked out gay guys before it's still been hard to spit it out, so it will be super hard to even start asking out a potentially straight guy, I don't wanna go blank and say nothing at all or say the wrong thing and scare him.

What kind of things should I say/how should I go about it? :smile:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 11

Carnivores

find out if he's gay first or it just gets awkward lol.

Reply 12

OP

Original post by Carnivores

find out if he's gay first or it just gets awkward lol.

But how do I do that without asking him?

Reply 13

dbmag9

Original post by Teravolt

I'm not sure what exactly to say, when I've asked out gay guys before it's still been hard to spit it out, so it will be super hard to even start asking out a potentially straight guy, I don't wanna go blank and say nothing at all or say the wrong thing and scare him.

What kind of things should I say/how should I go about it? :smile:

Don't think of it as going to him and Saying Something; that automatically starts to turn it into some intense situation where you feel stressed and he feels like he has to give you an immediate reply. Just say something in passing at a party or somewhere. Or ask his friends if he likes guys, and make sure he finds out you're asking. :p:

Reply 14

tarazzle

7

Like everyone else has said, somehow you need to find out if he's gay first (maybe try and get a friend to do some digging, or casually ask if he likes a girl atm - if he says yes, then you know he's not gay). I guess he could lie and say he does like a girl when he is actually gay, but he seems pretty accepting of you as a person so I don't see why he would have to lie.

If you find out he's not gay, don't tell him. He might get weird about it, plus it'd make life very awkward for you two and you could lose his friendship.

Reply 15

OP

Original post by dbmag9

Don't think of it as going to him and Saying Something; that automatically starts to turn it into some intense situation where you feel stressed and he feels like he has to give you an immediate reply. Just say something in passing at a party or somewhere. Or ask his friends if he likes guys, and make sure he finds out you're asking. :p:

lol, I'm not actually allowed to go to parties :p:

Where else would be 'in passing', and what could I say? Sorry for all the questions, I just really like him and don't want to screw it up :p:

Reply 16

trm90

12

Has he had girlfriends before? Have you ever seen him take interest in girls?

Reply 17

OP

Original post by trm90

Has he had girlfriends before? Have you ever seen him take interest in girls?

No to both.

Reply 18

trm90

12

That's actually a very good starting point. Unfortunately you're still going to have to do a little more digging to find out, it's just the way these things work. You may find the best way is to talk about guys casually in a group of friends and see if he joins in on the conversation.

Reply 19

dbmag9