Anon or delete.
Met a guy 7 months ago as part of a youth club we both worked at for a weekend. We chatted and I thought we clicked, got a feeling he liked me but freaked out so didn't make a move. Can't remember exactly how we behaved/signs he showed because it was so long ago. Thinking back, I think I really fell for him at the time because I only chicken out/freeze up when I'm really into someone - normally I'm the most confident girl ever when the relationship is casual.
I've been thinking about him loads ever since, thinking about us together etc. Kinda got to the point where I've fantasised too much, to the point where I feel we couldn't start dating from scratch now because I've thought over everything so much. I wouldn't even have a clue how to act around him. I try and imagine he's just a friend I met a few months ago but I don't think it would work, I can't get in the mindset of having a normal concept of him as a guy I just 'liked a bit' a few months ago. I feel like I know him or something haha, which obviously I don't after all this time. Also, because I've thought about how much I like him for months, I'd freeze up and go insanely nervous around him (unless I was drunk).
We've chatted online a few times, initiated mainly by him. Now I think about it, that's a sign he does like me, and I should have been more forward in these conversations. Maybe part of me subconsciously holds back deliberately out of fear that he suggests meeting up or something. I don't think I'd be able to handle it, as strange as it sounds. I actually go dizzy/nauseous at the thought, it seems like a dream that we actually spent that weekend together months ago. I just want us to bump into eachother drunk on a night out or something, that'd be my perfect scenario.. to break the ice again. For the record I'm not some paraletic girl who'd start crying and declaring her love, I'd just be confident enough not to have some sort of panic attack, which I would do sober. I'm just so used to having chilled casual relationships where the guy likes me more than I like him so I'm completely in control. I can't deal with having these intense feelings. It's even worse when you've prematurely developed strong feelings when (even if he might sort of like me a bit) it's highly unlikely he has done so to the same degree. Part of me thinks I should just leave it and wait for another guy to come along where a normal relationship forms. But I can't get this guy out my head. And yeah, call me a stalker/creep/desperate/clingy, but if you knew me you'd NEVER think I'd be like this. I'm normal, stable, extrovert, level headed, flirty. I assume he'd have seen this side of my personality when we first met, before I started liking him and became all nervous and aloof. I'm reasonably physically attractive - above average.
Me and this guy live in the same town btw, but went to different schools and have no mutual friends.
I don't really know what I'm asking here. Just for advice/guidance I guess. Be honest.