I have a massive crush on my best friend
I'm an 18-year-old guy, and this probably seems rather stupid, but I'd like to know what TSR thinks... I met a cute, sweet, nice girl about 2 years ago, and developed quite a strong crush on her, so I asked her out and got friendzoned.
And over the last couple of years, we've become really close. We get on great, and we can talk about anything. She's the best friend I've ever had, and I don't want to risk losing that.
But for the last two years, I've not been able to get over this silly little crush.
I dated a different girl for a year, and broke it off recently (in short, she was clingy and over-reacted to everything, and the relationship just wasn't making either of us happy, but that's a different story). And while I was with her, my feelings for my best friend were subdued - or buried - somewhat, but they never quite went away.
And since we broke up, my feelings for my best friend have become stronger again. And when I look at or talk to her, all I can think about is how beautiful she is, and how she'd make such a perfect girlfriend, and we'd be really happy together.
But she wasn't interested two years ago, so I doubt she's interested now.
Which leads me to the point of this post... How do I make these feelings go away without losing my best friend?
(Or should I go for it? I mean, if we're friends after the first time, we can still be friends after the second, right?)
And over the last couple of years, we've become really close. We get on great, and we can talk about anything. She's the best friend I've ever had, and I don't want to risk losing that.
But for the last two years, I've not been able to get over this silly little crush.
I dated a different girl for a year, and broke it off recently (in short, she was clingy and over-reacted to everything, and the relationship just wasn't making either of us happy, but that's a different story). And while I was with her, my feelings for my best friend were subdued - or buried - somewhat, but they never quite went away.
And since we broke up, my feelings for my best friend have become stronger again. And when I look at or talk to her, all I can think about is how beautiful she is, and how she'd make such a perfect girlfriend, and we'd be really happy together.
But she wasn't interested two years ago, so I doubt she's interested now.
Which leads me to the point of this post... How do I make these feelings go away without losing my best friend?
(Or should I go for it? I mean, if we're friends after the first time, we can still be friends after the second, right?)
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Speaking as one who hasnt gone for it too often - 100% go for it - she may be thinking the same or not - as you say, if you handle things well, youve a great deal to gain - if not you still remain friends
Well throughout school there was this boy who was my best friend. We got tormented constantly by our friends saying that we would make such a cute couple etc... and then one night when we were all out somewhere he told me we'd only ever be friends... A few years later when we were finishing our A Levels we went on one date but it was really awkward and we decided to just be friends.
We then both went off to Uni at different ends of the country, but still kept in touch, and then last Easter he suddenly asked me out and we have been together ever since.
I hope this shows you not to give up, and that you shouldn't be afraid of liking someone who's your best friend, as you'll never know what will happen!
xx
We then both went off to Uni at different ends of the country, but still kept in touch, and then last Easter he suddenly asked me out and we have been together ever since.
I hope this shows you not to give up, and that you shouldn't be afraid of liking someone who's your best friend, as you'll never know what will happen!
xx
Well the obvious answer is to ask her, but I think you're right to feel that asking directly could, as you fear, lead to embarrassment and get in the way of your friendship if the reply isn't positive. Is there anyone you trust who could ask some discreet questions? Either a friend or perhaps even her mum if you get on with her.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Crumpet1
Well the obvious answer is to ask her, but I think you're right to feel that asking directly could, as you fear, lead to embarrassment and get in the way of your friendship if the reply isn't positive. Is there anyone you trust who could ask some discreet questions? Either a friend or perhaps even her mum if you get on with her.
We don't really have any mutual friends whom I could trust to be subtle. And her mum works at our college, so I feel like it would be awkward asking her...
100% do something, I've been in a similar situation for 3 years but I've bottled telling her. -so you've already gone 1 better than me! At first I wasn't so afraid of losing the friendship, our friends knew how I felt before I did really. But yeah, my crap aside: definitely go for it! I would tell you what to say ut I don't know myself!
Follow the advice of Billy Joel...
It entirely depends on your friendship with her, and if you think it can survive if she rejects you.
Not too long ago I told my best friend of about 4 years I had feelings for him, he used to like me about 3 years ago and we dated but I broke it off. Sadly he said he saw me as his close friend and that was that. We're still close friends but I have to admit we don't speak as much now as we used to.
I say go for it, but only if you're sure you have a good enough friendship that it won't get ruined by it either way.
Not too long ago I told my best friend of about 4 years I had feelings for him, he used to like me about 3 years ago and we dated but I broke it off. Sadly he said he saw me as his close friend and that was that. We're still close friends but I have to admit we don't speak as much now as we used to.
I say go for it, but only if you're sure you have a good enough friendship that it won't get ruined by it either way.
I had this exact same thing throughout the last year of university. All my friends were telling me how we should get a room blah blah blah. Got hideously drunk one night, told her while she was on a date with another guy, she never gave an answer one way or the other. Cue couple weeks of embarrassment and awkwardness. We got over it but then she started hitting on me whenever she was drunk and then changing her mind the next day. This caused a few arguments until we finally ended up sleeping together for pretty much the last month of uni until the end of uni split us apart.
So all I have to say is don't go into this if you're not prepared to make things very awkward. However it is also possible to get over it if your friendship is strong enough even if she says no. Likewise if it does work out it can be great. I took my chance and managed to have an awesome time with a girl with the best tits I've ever seen. I just wish it didn't end so soon.
So my advice is go for it. You never know and if it doesn't work you'll be able to get past it if your friendship is strong enough. If you don't, you'll just kick yourself....there is nothing worse than seeing the girl you really like with a guy that doesn't deserve them.
So all I have to say is don't go into this if you're not prepared to make things very awkward. However it is also possible to get over it if your friendship is strong enough even if she says no. Likewise if it does work out it can be great. I took my chance and managed to have an awesome time with a girl with the best tits I've ever seen. I just wish it didn't end so soon.
So my advice is go for it. You never know and if it doesn't work you'll be able to get past it if your friendship is strong enough. If you don't, you'll just kick yourself....there is nothing worse than seeing the girl you really like with a guy that doesn't deserve them.
Forgot to add, we're still pretty close friends even now. Obviously not as incredibly strong as we were in the past because we've been apart since the end of uni but the whole thing never hurt our friendship long term even when we were arguing. She really was the most awesome girl I've ever met...and when you feel that way about someone, even if they are your best friend, you just have to go for it.
Some girls just don't really respond to the direct approach.
have you tried flirting it up a bit to gauge her response/feelings?
Though if she told you she isn't interested and hasn't been flirting or pushing the boundaries she probably means it.
if you're really brave you could ask if you can try something, then kiss her. *shrug*
Carpe diem.
have you tried flirting it up a bit to gauge her response/feelings?
Though if she told you she isn't interested and hasn't been flirting or pushing the boundaries she probably means it.
if you're really brave you could ask if you can try something, then kiss her. *shrug*
Carpe diem.
Original post by Studentus-anonymous
Some girls just don't really respond to the direct approach.
have you tried flirting it up a bit to gauge her response/feelings?
Though if she told you she isn't interested and hasn't been flirting or pushing the boundaries she probably means it.
if you're really brave you could ask if you can try something, then kiss her. *shrug*
Carpe diem.
have you tried flirting it up a bit to gauge her response/feelings?
Though if she told you she isn't interested and hasn't been flirting or pushing the boundaries she probably means it.
if you're really brave you could ask if you can try something, then kiss her. *shrug*
Carpe diem.
Well, she's quite shy, but she's said a few things that could be taken as flirty, and it seems like she's done it more since I broke up with my girlfriend, but I'm hesitant about overthinking it and seeing things that aren't there.
I've been flirting with her as subtly as I can, and complimenting her whenever I get chance, but that's as much as I've had the nerve to do so far.
Flirtation ultimately isn't very subtle. 
But I agree to make sure you aren't seeing what you want to see, confirmation bias is a bitch.
Genuinely, whole-heartedly good luck OP, for some reason I want this for you.
But I agree to make sure you aren't seeing what you want to see, confirmation bias is a bitch.
Genuinely, whole-heartedly good luck OP, for some reason I want this for you.
Original post by Studentus-anonymous
Flirtation ultimately isn't very subtle.
But I agree to make sure you aren't seeing what you want to see, confirmation bias is a bitch.
Genuinely, whole-heartedly good luck OP, for some reason I want this for you.
But I agree to make sure you aren't seeing what you want to see, confirmation bias is a bitch.
Genuinely, whole-heartedly good luck OP, for some reason I want this for you.
Thank you!
I really want it too, obviously. I just need to find the right time, I guess, and see if I'm brave enough...
You simply have to go for it.
What you should be doing is spending 6 to 8 weeks removing yourself from the friendzone. It's done by being quite lackluster about the friendship, i.e you don't contact her for a few weeks, you take a long time to reply to her messages, minimal responses etc. Then you emerge version 2.0. You start to flirt with her, touch her a bit more (obviously be careful), joke around with her.
Then you go for it. Absolutely essential. I can't guarantee it will work, but you have to try. Because seeing her with a different boyfriend (which at some point will happen) will tear up your insides.
If it doesn't work, I could give you the liberal wishy washy answer and say just go back to being friends, but from empirical experience I found it was better to cut all contact. The girl was very sad but I was ruthless, I said I wanted nothing to do with her. Painful yes, but you'll save yourself pain in the long run. It's the only way OP...ask yourself...how are you going to feel when she's with other boys?
Best of luck, you sound like a top man. I echo Studentus Anonymous' comments.
What you should be doing is spending 6 to 8 weeks removing yourself from the friendzone. It's done by being quite lackluster about the friendship, i.e you don't contact her for a few weeks, you take a long time to reply to her messages, minimal responses etc. Then you emerge version 2.0. You start to flirt with her, touch her a bit more (obviously be careful), joke around with her.
Then you go for it. Absolutely essential. I can't guarantee it will work, but you have to try. Because seeing her with a different boyfriend (which at some point will happen) will tear up your insides.
If it doesn't work, I could give you the liberal wishy washy answer and say just go back to being friends, but from empirical experience I found it was better to cut all contact. The girl was very sad but I was ruthless, I said I wanted nothing to do with her. Painful yes, but you'll save yourself pain in the long run. It's the only way OP...ask yourself...how are you going to feel when she's with other boys?
Best of luck, you sound like a top man. I echo Studentus Anonymous' comments.
Ask her seriously, you never know she might be feeling the same, my girlfriend was my best friend to start with.
Well, just in case anyone cares for an update, she literally just told me she isn't sure but she might like her other male best friend.
Which I guess kind of puts a downer on things, and makes telling her a bad idea. I'm just glad I waited.
With that option pretty much out the window, how do I get over this stupid little crush? Because right now, I don't feel so good and I'd quite like it to stop.
Which I guess kind of puts a downer on things, and makes telling her a bad idea. I'm just glad I waited.
With that option pretty much out the window, how do I get over this stupid little crush? Because right now, I don't feel so good and I'd quite like it to stop.
The only way to really get over it is to find someone else and move on with them (and believe me this helps immensely) or to cut the girl out of your life. Those are literally the only two options when you have this kind of a crush on someone who's close to you. Of course the problem is, there often isn't another girl just waiting to start something with you and let you get over the other thing.
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