One of my male friends getting a bit too close to girlfriend
I'm worried about how close one of my friends is to my girlfriend. We both met her at around the same time, and as it happens we both fancied her. I ended up being her boyfriend, and have been for over a year. Yet over this time he has remained very close to her, with him even going so far as calling them both 'twins' and saying how they're just like brother and sister.
Obviously I find this hard to believe seeing as he wanted more than friendship with her, I can't believe that he has just managed to switch off those feelings. He always messages her saying things like 'your boyfriend is so lucky to have you' and has messaged her saying 'I love you' in the past, which caused a HUGE argument.
I know people will tell me that you should trust her, and I do. It's just something that is always there. Am I worrying over nothing? I believe her when she tells me there is nothing, it's just I really wish he'd **** off tbh and find a girl of his own, instead of clinging on to my girlfriend.
Obviously I find this hard to believe seeing as he wanted more than friendship with her, I can't believe that he has just managed to switch off those feelings. He always messages her saying things like 'your boyfriend is so lucky to have you' and has messaged her saying 'I love you' in the past, which caused a HUGE argument.
I know people will tell me that you should trust her, and I do. It's just something that is always there. Am I worrying over nothing? I believe her when she tells me there is nothing, it's just I really wish he'd **** off tbh and find a girl of his own, instead of clinging on to my girlfriend.
That's a hard one.
Hi,
Your feelings are understandable, my advice would be speak to him and tell him how you feel. Don't tell him to **** off, just say it in a mature manner. Before this girl came along you were friends for a reason, do not forget that.
If he does not back off after you have told him, then talk to your girlfriend and if she gives a **** she would back off a little. But do not become controlling and tell her what she is not allowed to do, just tell her how you feel and that should be enough.
Your feelings are understandable, my advice would be speak to him and tell him how you feel. Don't tell him to **** off, just say it in a mature manner. Before this girl came along you were friends for a reason, do not forget that.
If he does not back off after you have told him, then talk to your girlfriend and if she gives a **** she would back off a little. But do not become controlling and tell her what she is not allowed to do, just tell her how you feel and that should be enough.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by British199
Hi,
Your feelings are understandable, my advice would be speak to him and tell him how you feel. Don't tell him to **** off, just say it in a mature manner. Before this girl came along you were friends for a reason, do not forget that.
If he does not back off after you have told him, then talk to your girlfriend and if she gives a **** she would back off a little. But do not become controlling and tell her what she is not allowed to do, just tell her how you feel and that should be enough.
Your feelings are understandable, my advice would be speak to him and tell him how you feel. Don't tell him to **** off, just say it in a mature manner. Before this girl came along you were friends for a reason, do not forget that.
If he does not back off after you have told him, then talk to your girlfriend and if she gives a **** she would back off a little. But do not become controlling and tell her what she is not allowed to do, just tell her how you feel and that should be enough.
The problem is my girlfriend knows I feel this way, and she just tells me that she is her own person and I shouldn't try to control her. It's not about that at all; in the past she has been jealous of my female friends and I reassure her, but with me she basically tells me to 'deal with it'. I don't want to control her, just accept that it's an awkward situation.
Also she has told me not to talk to my friend about it in case it ruins his friendship with her. I want to talk to him but I feel as if he would tell her.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
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You should remind her that you're in a relationship and if something is worrying you, she should at least hear you out. You're meant to hold each other above others, even if your BFF is your 'twin'.
Your friend sounds like a prat too, just remind him that your dick has been across her face and your semen in and around her vagina. That should discourage him.
Original post by IlexBlue
I like how you quickly glossed over the fact your friend also liked this girl and you just took her for your girlfriend anyway.
He met her a month or two before me and didn't think of her like that, and then I met her and told him I liked her, at which point he ignored what I had said and started chasing after her himself. If anything he is the one who ignored that I liked her.
Original post by Lelcats
Your friend sounds like a prat too, just remind him that your dick has been across her face and your semen in and around her vagina. That should discourage him.
Your friend sounds like a prat too, just remind him that your dick has been across her face and your semen in and around her vagina. That should discourage him.
What if he says it back?
Original post by So Instinct
What if he says it back?
Loooooool that would be some funny ****
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by So Instinct
What if he says it back?
That would be amazing, hahaha!
I would like to say that they are both dicks and etc. Your friend is a dick for saying he is in love with your gf and your girlfriend is a dick for continuing a fairly intimate relationship despite the past history.
The reason why it is hard to give constructive advice is because the situation is largely out of your hands. They are the ones who get to decide whether they want to have sex or not.
So, unfortunately, you have three options
1) Stay with her and see what happens.
2) Break up with her and tell her that you cannot continue to have a relationship with her since she spends so much time with someone that is in love and wants to have sex with her.
3) Punch your friend in the face / End your friendship ( I suspect that it is kind of already over)
2 and 3 can be combined. Though, I would do 1 for the time being.
The reason why it is hard to give constructive advice is because the situation is largely out of your hands. They are the ones who get to decide whether they want to have sex or not.
So, unfortunately, you have three options
1) Stay with her and see what happens.
2) Break up with her and tell her that you cannot continue to have a relationship with her since she spends so much time with someone that is in love and wants to have sex with her.
3) Punch your friend in the face / End your friendship ( I suspect that it is kind of already over)
2 and 3 can be combined. Though, I would do 1 for the time being.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by DorianGrayism
I would like to say that they are both dicks and etc. Your friend is a dick for saying he is in love with your gf and your girlfriend is a dick for continuing a fairly intimate relationship despite the past history.
The reason why it is hard to give constructive advice is because the situation is largely out of your hands. They are the ones who get to decide whether they want to have sex or not.
So, unfortunately, you have three options
1) Stay with her and see what happens.
2) Break up with her and tell her that you cannot continue to have a relationship with her since she spends so much time with someone that is in love and wants to have sex with her.
3) Punch your friend in the face / End your friendship ( I suspect that it is kind of already over)
2 and 3 can be combined. Though, I would do 1 for the time being.
The reason why it is hard to give constructive advice is because the situation is largely out of your hands. They are the ones who get to decide whether they want to have sex or not.
So, unfortunately, you have three options
1) Stay with her and see what happens.
2) Break up with her and tell her that you cannot continue to have a relationship with her since she spends so much time with someone that is in love and wants to have sex with her.
3) Punch your friend in the face / End your friendship ( I suspect that it is kind of already over)
2 and 3 can be combined. Though, I would do 1 for the time being.
That is what is so painful, that she can't recognise how her actions are so damaging - even when I tell her bluntly. I will just have to wait it out, hope he finds someone else and stops clinging on waiting for me to muck up so he can be the shoulder to cry on.
This so called "friend" of yours sounds like an inconsiderate tosser. Try to find a girl that used to like you and let her follow you around and become your so called "best bud" and see how she likes it.
Oops, so you're meaning to tell me your girlfriend gets jealous of your female friends but tells you to get over it when it comes to her and her male friends? What a hypocrital bitch.
So what? They both liked her, she chose the OP over him, now his friend has to get over it instead of following the OP's girlfriend around like a little bitch.
Oops, so you're meaning to tell me your girlfriend gets jealous of your female friends but tells you to get over it when it comes to her and her male friends? What a hypocrital bitch.
Original post by IlexBlue
I like how you quickly glossed over the fact your friend also liked this girl and you just took her for your girlfriend anyway.
So what? They both liked her, she chose the OP over him, now his friend has to get over it instead of following the OP's girlfriend around like a little bitch.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
That is what is so painful, that she can't recognise how her actions are so damaging - even when I tell her bluntly. I will just have to wait it out, hope he finds someone else and stops clinging on waiting for me to muck up so he can be the shoulder to cry on.
Yeh....If you break up with her now, people are going to think that you are a dick and etc. You are in a lose-lose situation unless you wait it out.
He doesnt sound a very good friend
Ouch, that's a hard one to deal with. I feel for you mate. I agree with DorianGrayism said at the start - your mate is pushing the boundaries way too much by saying things like "I love you" to your girlfriend and your girlfriend is not being very understanding given the situation. I don't see why she can't be less intimate with him; my ex used to be good friends with this guy, it never bothered me. She told me once that they both had feelings for each other at one point but not the same time. They never got together and when me and her were together, she was no more than just good friends. She wasn't very close with him though and he was certainly not as pushy as your mate.
In my mind, there's a couple of things you can do:
1. You've been very active about the situation. Try a more passive approach; just don't mention your worries, anger, frustration or your dislike of their intimacy to either your mate or your gf. A lot of the time with a few people, its just about trying to get what they can't have and especially what they're told they can't have, i.e. in the case of your mate, that would be your gf. If you don't make a big fuss over it, then the infatuation will likely wear off.
2. Although your girlfriend sounds a bit adament, she does seem like a strong lady who can deal with a tough situation. If she cares about you and has been with you for a year, theres no reason she would cheat on you, even if she has someone close. My friend (a girl) recently got dumped because her boyfriend didn't trust her over a similar issue and knowing her really well, he was just being totally unreasonable - cheating isnt something she would do. So, trust your girlfriend if she says that she only loves you.
3. Try to limit the time you spend as three people together (you, your mate and your gf). If he sees you together, holding hands, as a couple etc, itll probably just make him want her more. Instead, why not take the attention off the situation by doing something nice for your girlfriend - a nice day out, dinner etc. Show her that you're still great together.
Best of luck mate, just go for the positives, rather than worrying about something that's not happened. Its funny how the more you think about something bad, it ends up happening. Best not to think about, and focus on the good things.
In my mind, there's a couple of things you can do:
1. You've been very active about the situation. Try a more passive approach; just don't mention your worries, anger, frustration or your dislike of their intimacy to either your mate or your gf. A lot of the time with a few people, its just about trying to get what they can't have and especially what they're told they can't have, i.e. in the case of your mate, that would be your gf. If you don't make a big fuss over it, then the infatuation will likely wear off.
2. Although your girlfriend sounds a bit adament, she does seem like a strong lady who can deal with a tough situation. If she cares about you and has been with you for a year, theres no reason she would cheat on you, even if she has someone close. My friend (a girl) recently got dumped because her boyfriend didn't trust her over a similar issue and knowing her really well, he was just being totally unreasonable - cheating isnt something she would do. So, trust your girlfriend if she says that she only loves you.
3. Try to limit the time you spend as three people together (you, your mate and your gf). If he sees you together, holding hands, as a couple etc, itll probably just make him want her more. Instead, why not take the attention off the situation by doing something nice for your girlfriend - a nice day out, dinner etc. Show her that you're still great together.
Best of luck mate, just go for the positives, rather than worrying about something that's not happened. Its funny how the more you think about something bad, it ends up happening. Best not to think about, and focus on the good things.
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