Why don't people look after their elderly relatives instead of putting them in
Why don't people look after their elderly relatives instead of putting them in Institutions?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
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I'm willing to pay for a high standard care facilitity (some kind of monitored flat) for my parents, but there's no way I'll give up my life to look after them.
My grandmother (dad's mum) isn't in a care home, but lives relatively near by. She has recently had to be on a course of antibiotics due to an ear infection and this is just one of many problems. Her husband died a while ago.
My mum had to go in to see her four times a day to be able to give her this medicine as she wasn't able to do it herself.
Although the idea of not having to have care homes is nice, it wouldn't work well. People do not have the time/resources to be able to care for all relatives whenever they need help.
Imagine if I had other grandparents and they needed the same amount of care? It wouldn't work.
My mum had to go in to see her four times a day to be able to give her this medicine as she wasn't able to do it herself.
Although the idea of not having to have care homes is nice, it wouldn't work well. People do not have the time/resources to be able to care for all relatives whenever they need help.
Imagine if I had other grandparents and they needed the same amount of care? It wouldn't work.
Original post by Bridgeta222
Why don't people look after their elderly relatives instead of putting them in Institutions?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
The fact of the matter is that the wealthier you are, the better care you'll be able to get/give. For example, you could put the parents in a private facility with very high standards or, if you're more capable and able and financially stable, you could install an extension to the house or a "granny flat" as you say, and if you're on an even higher pedestal, you can employ round-the-clock care to the highest standards to tend to your relatives in their separate accommodation in your home etc.
But the fact of the matter is that the vast majority are not as well off as this and have jobs, families and not enough funds to do the above.
Original post by ChocoCoatedLemons
I'm willing to pay for a high standard care facilitity (some kind of monitored flat) for my parents, but there's no way I'll give up my life to look after them.
This, people generally won't be able to afford to give up their lives and careers to look after parents and that's the hard truth.
Why do people refer to the elderly as if they're pets? Don't get me wrong, they're fun to play with every now and then, but a kennel would be too far.
Original post by Olie
This, people generally won't be able to afford to give up their lives and careers to look after parents and that's the hard truth.
Yup, that's pretty much the realistic truth of it.
I work in a care home where there are people who have severe dementia, renal failure, strokes, heart failure, you name it. The vast majority of people, when their parents get to this point in their life are not equipped to deal with these kinds of people. They would not only struggle in a lot of cases to look after them and keep them safe, but also they wouldn't be able to support themselves financially. There are people who need 24/7 care, this would mean you would no longer be able to go to work, earn money, look after your children etc.
I don't know why putting your relatives in a care home is looked down upon. In some (but obviously not all) it is the best course of action. Provided that you don't just leave them there and never visit, i can't think what is wrong with that.
I can't speak for all care homes, all i can say is the particular one i work at, has very high standards, and motivated staff. It's easy to think that care workers don't care, or just do it for the money since newspapers are more likely to publish the rare incidents of malpractice, rather than the far more likely cases where people go the extra mile.
I don't know why putting your relatives in a care home is looked down upon. In some (but obviously not all) it is the best course of action. Provided that you don't just leave them there and never visit, i can't think what is wrong with that.
I can't speak for all care homes, all i can say is the particular one i work at, has very high standards, and motivated staff. It's easy to think that care workers don't care, or just do it for the money since newspapers are more likely to publish the rare incidents of malpractice, rather than the far more likely cases where people go the extra mile.
(edited 10 years ago)
My great nan lived in sheltered housing until her death at 95 and that was really good for her cos she was independent but if she had an accident or anything she would get help straight away. My step gran however had dementia and needed a lot of specific care and I guess it's just not always possible if you have young children and a job etc to be able to provide that kind of constant care to an elderly relative /:
As most asian people would say, they would keep and look after their parents as its tradition and more family orientated.
Personally I would keep my parents for as long as possible,
but you have to remember there can be cases where you can't look after them especially if you are alone and they become ill and NEED medical help, and if your at work and can't look after them, its the only way, as you don;t want to look after them if you live of benefits and not work. BUT its only if nothing else works. I'd keep em as long as possible
Personally I would keep my parents for as long as possible,
but you have to remember there can be cases where you can't look after them especially if you are alone and they become ill and NEED medical help, and if your at work and can't look after them, its the only way, as you don;t want to look after them if you live of benefits and not work. BUT its only if nothing else works. I'd keep em as long as possible
Original post by Bridgeta222
Why don't people look after their elderly relatives instead of putting them in Institutions?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
When my mum gets older she'll go into a care home or have carers as me/her kids have our own lives: my sister lives in America with her husband and kids, my brother doesn't talk to the family/works away with work for a few months of the year and i'm hoping to travel too.
Should I not live my life because my siblings are too busy with their own lives, I mean, it's not like we can't be bothered it's more like we can't do it. I really hate the city we currently live in and there's not many jobs going so I'll be moving away.
My parents paid into the system their whole lives (my dad died a couple of years ago) so why can't they get care? I don't see the problem in selling the house to pay for care either. However, I wouldn't won't my mum going into a hospice so i'd rather look after her myself.
Care homes aren't that bad- old people get lonely and care homes are full of people who they can meet. I've heard of a few stories of old people getting married at 70+ because they've met another partner in a care home. Plus, i've got no idea how to 'care' for someone so i'd rather someone qualified do it
The elderly require much attention and care, try to successfully tend to an elder whilst balancing a job, family and hobbies.
Original post by Bridgeta222
Why don't people look after their elderly relatives instead of putting them in Institutions?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
Because unfortunately not everyone has the ability or skills to look after increasingly frail and ill relatives.
(edited 10 years ago)
My grandfather has reasonably advanced vascular dementia, severe COPD, heart failure and pretty much perpetual pneumonia - are you seriously suggesting that my parents (who both have to work full time) could properly care for him alone?
You are implying that individuals 'choose' to place their elderly relatives in institutions because they simply don't care about them - in some instances I'm sure this is the case but you are vastly overgeneralising by assuming that all individuals have A) the means/ability to care for their elderly relatives and B) the time to do so. You are also assuming that everyone lives close enough to their relatives for this to be possible and that people should somehow be able to care for their elderly relatives whilst also maintaining careers, children etc - and being entitled to their own life...
Some care homes provide sub-standard care but in my experience the staff are usually dedicated and extremely caring and for many people that are elderly and lack mobility, have lost their spouse etc care homes provide a much more enriching and less lonely environment than they could otherwise expect at home - and a higher standard of care. I'm not saying that care homes are a perfect solution but we need to get rid of the stigmatism attached to moving into a care home - for many families and individuals a care home is the best solution available and it would be a lot easier for them to deal with that if people like you weren't constantly spouting ill-informed rubbish about how uncaring they are and how awful their relative's experience will be etc.
You are implying that individuals 'choose' to place their elderly relatives in institutions because they simply don't care about them - in some instances I'm sure this is the case but you are vastly overgeneralising by assuming that all individuals have A) the means/ability to care for their elderly relatives and B) the time to do so. You are also assuming that everyone lives close enough to their relatives for this to be possible and that people should somehow be able to care for their elderly relatives whilst also maintaining careers, children etc - and being entitled to their own life...
Some care homes provide sub-standard care but in my experience the staff are usually dedicated and extremely caring and for many people that are elderly and lack mobility, have lost their spouse etc care homes provide a much more enriching and less lonely environment than they could otherwise expect at home - and a higher standard of care. I'm not saying that care homes are a perfect solution but we need to get rid of the stigmatism attached to moving into a care home - for many families and individuals a care home is the best solution available and it would be a lot easier for them to deal with that if people like you weren't constantly spouting ill-informed rubbish about how uncaring they are and how awful their relative's experience will be etc.
(edited 10 years ago)
People usually have to balance the care they can give with what they can afford. Most people who need care need it more or less 24/7, and most people cannot give their elderly relatives that kind of care because they need to work.
There is a big difference between letting your nan move in with you and looking after someone who is terminally ill. In the case of things such as dementia, the person is pretty much gone too so it makes it even harder, as often they have mood swings due to confusion and have this need to escape or go somewhere which means they need constant care. In those situations it often best for both people if professional care is given.
There is a big difference between letting your nan move in with you and looking after someone who is terminally ill. In the case of things such as dementia, the person is pretty much gone too so it makes it even harder, as often they have mood swings due to confusion and have this need to escape or go somewhere which means they need constant care. In those situations it often best for both people if professional care is given.
Original post by Bridgeta222
Why don't people look after their elderly relatives instead of putting them in Institutions?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
This thread is either in the relationships or society or politics category.
Are you going to look after your parents when they get older and need care or are you going to put them in care homes or leave them to live by themselves? And what ever you decide, why?
The government can't afford to keep people in care homes, it's mostly subsidised and costs £30,000 a year per person. It's unsustainable. Personal care from carers is chaotic, you get 4 different carers a day, you can see up to 50 different carers in a year, so there is no continuity or building rapport with your carers. And some carers come from all sorts of backgrounds and some do the job for money and some do it because they care. Those who do it for money might be the type who do the minimum of what is required, but this is arguable. If you genuinely care, then you do what give the level of care for quality of life.
A lot of care in care homes have questionable care quality, so wouldn't it be better for you to look after your own relatives when they get older, with your future family maybe in a granny flat?
Fast-forward to when your parents might need care, in erm, 20-40 years. At this point, you may be established far away, with your own children and a partner, and jobs there.
So, options...?
You resign from your work, move house all the way to your parents? How will you support yourselves? How does your partner cope with living with your parents? Hang on a minute, doesn't he or she have parents, who also need care? Are your partner's parents going to move to your parents' town? How many of you are there going to be, in one house? (Let's not even think about the adult children of divorced parents here.)
Perhaps you can uproot all the parents in their old age to your district, and leave them to muddle along while you're out at work.
How is this going to work?
Then, let's have a think about the realities of geriatric care. As humans age, they don't just become a bit dozy and knit a lot. Sometimes they have truly complex needs. You may be someone's adult child, but that doesn't mean you are automatically capable of adequately caring for a man or woman with dementia, who needs 24 hour care. You need to sleep, you need to go to work, you need to maintain a safe home-environment for your primary-school aged child. There's lifting, too. Unsafe lifting isn't just bad for the back of the lifter (slipped discs=not fun!), it's not safe for the person being lifted. Many people's houses don't have space for disability adaptions. Hell, many men and women are disabled themselves, and cannot care for aged parents.
Original post by ChocoCoatedLemons
I'm willing to pay for a high standard care facilitity (some kind of monitored flat) for my parents, but there's no way I'll give up my life to look after them.
I 100% agree, my own mother says that if she becomes unable to look after herself she wants putting in a home. Her moral (I guess) is ''I gave you life, why would I want to take it from you.''
As much as I would love to have the time and money to look after my parents when I'm older if they became ill, the reality is I simply wouldn't be able to.
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