Hey all,
I've been with my boyfriend since November. I love him dearly and he loves me, and I know that. I'm 22, he's 20. Currently, he's gone away to South East Asia for 6 weeks. I'm going to be meeting him and a group of his friends in Vietnam in 2 weeks. He's gone to Kuala Lumpur and Indonesia for a while beforehand, and when I asked him who he was going with, he told me he's not going with the friends I'll be meeting out there, but he's going with some other friends from school. Obviously, I didn't question this. However, I was talking with both him and his flatmate the other day, and his flatmate said 'Is Kuala Lumpur the place you're going with the fam?' and he said 'yeah' and changed the conversation. I didn't say anything at the time, for one thing I was unsure whether I'd heard 'fam' properly (weird North London slang means I misunderstand about 50% of what they say a lot of the time). But later, when talking about travel plans, I asked 'So who are you going with to Indonesia again, is it the people I'm meeting?' and he said 'Nah, different friends from school'. So this time, I knew I hadn't misconstrued what he'd originally told me, but left it there.
Now he's gone, but I decided to do some investigation via facebook. Before anyone goes up in arms about me facebook stalking, he's admitted to being curious and stalking my family on facebook before as well so this is perfectly acceptable in the relationship... I stalked his little brother for evidence. And actually, his wee bro had posted about their arrival in kuala lumpur etc, and posted the same photo as my boyfriend sent me. So now I know for sure he's there with his family.
It's really not a big deal as lies go, I just don't get why he would feel like he has to lie about it. I want to trust him, which I do, but I also want him to feel like he can trust me enough to tell me anything.
I'm going to talk to him about it. I don't want to make a big deal of it, I'm not angry at him in any way but I just want to get to the bottom of his reasoning behind it. I have a feeling it's a class thing. Indonesia is obviously pretty expensive. My family have always struggled for money, and his dad owns a chain of restaurants. He's always a little self-conscious about how much he has, but I really couldn't give a ****.
My questions to TSR are- how should I talk to him about it? Is it worth discussing? Should I do it via email, or wait until I'm out there (I'm just a little concerned that waiting until I'm there will make me wuss out of doing it, or cause embarrassment or something, but doing it over the internet means we can't have a proper discussion and it's easier for him to not tell me the reasons for doing it)? Also, why would he lie about such a non-issue? Any help?