Is being a nice guy something that won't benefit me?
Scroll to see replies
Original post by janicee
I actually prefer guys who are nice. The guy I like at the moment though constantly makes jokes about his weight because that's what he's unconfident about. To be honest I find it really annoying...
It feels like he's just saying it to try get sympathy and that really annoys me. He is nice though.
In my opinion, nice guys are better. I actually sort of like shy people because I think they're really cute :3 But even then, I don't want someone who can't actually talk to me. I want someone to ask me instead of it being the other way round.
I do feel like I have to be attracted to them. On the other hand, I know someone who is completely lovely but isn't that attractive. Funny thing is my best friend is going out with him (:
I would never date a guy who is overconfident or pushy. Over that, the nice guy wins! I just want them to not be clingy and give me some space. Like don't constantly text! That's really annoying aha, but other than that it's all good ^_^
It feels like he's just saying it to try get sympathy and that really annoys me. He is nice though.
In my opinion, nice guys are better. I actually sort of like shy people because I think they're really cute :3 But even then, I don't want someone who can't actually talk to me. I want someone to ask me instead of it being the other way round.
I do feel like I have to be attracted to them. On the other hand, I know someone who is completely lovely but isn't that attractive. Funny thing is my best friend is going out with him (:
I would never date a guy who is overconfident or pushy. Over that, the nice guy wins! I just want them to not be clingy and give me some space. Like don't constantly text! That's really annoying aha, but other than that it's all good ^_^
if hes fat, tell him hes a bane on society because being fat negatively effects the economy. also tell him if hes unconfident and insecure about it then he should try loose weight.
To be fair the OP sounds like he would do the same for men as he would women he finds attractive. His OP isn't particularly sexual either.
Frankly I think society is a bit ****ed that people don't even say thanks for you helping them sometimes. A girl is not obliged to have sex with me for me helping them with work loool but if you give something to someone such as your time or advice, man or woman, it is only polite to say thanks. Not talking about myself here since I am frankly a self centred dick who won't give people the time of day if I perceive their ulterior motive, but there are many good people these days who go unappreciated.
And if someone's kindness is abused and people walk all over them I don't think it is entirely their fault! Sure they are responsible for accepting the fact life isn't always fair and acting accordingly for their own wellbeing, but ultimately the flaw is in social attitudes and a decline in morality such as compassion for others.
A good question to generalise would be, if all that kindness does is get you used and abused, why not be a dick? Why trust anyone has good intentions, when if you get made into a doormat it's your own fault for being naive enough to believe people have good intentions? Why be so naive to trust anyone?
Frankly I think society is a bit ****ed that people don't even say thanks for you helping them sometimes. A girl is not obliged to have sex with me for me helping them with work loool but if you give something to someone such as your time or advice, man or woman, it is only polite to say thanks. Not talking about myself here since I am frankly a self centred dick who won't give people the time of day if I perceive their ulterior motive, but there are many good people these days who go unappreciated.
And if someone's kindness is abused and people walk all over them I don't think it is entirely their fault! Sure they are responsible for accepting the fact life isn't always fair and acting accordingly for their own wellbeing, but ultimately the flaw is in social attitudes and a decline in morality such as compassion for others.
A good question to generalise would be, if all that kindness does is get you used and abused, why not be a dick? Why trust anyone has good intentions, when if you get made into a doormat it's your own fault for being naive enough to believe people have good intentions? Why be so naive to trust anyone?
Original post by Anonymous
I've got a reputation for being a 'Nice Guy' as in, I joke around, treat people well, make sure everyones alright and generally be respectful. For example, theres one girl in our year (I'm in Y11) and she's incredibly pretty, but, the others guys only comment on her backside and plenty of times, she's had to inform teachers of harassment. I treat her like a sister, whenever she feels the slightest ill, I'll help her and I treat her well. To the others guys, this is flirting and it pisses me off, I'll admit, she's very pretty and kind. But I don't feel that attraction for her.
I've also been told that, I'm 'Too kind' as in, I care for others so much, and relationships won't work out for me. Just a short time back, I was chasing someone and it turned out they were seeing someone else. Things happened, taunts were made and I pretty much ended up on the outside. I think being 'nice' is ok, I mean, really? Am I meant to be a sexist pig or something? I don't fake being nice. Hell, I still joke around, taunt others and have fun. I'm not a bully. Just a nice person, but everyone warns me that i shouldn't be so caring of others. Another friend also said to me: If I was to get with you, it would be marriage, not a fling. Because people like you are for the long-term.
Compliment or what?
I've also been told that, I'm 'Too kind' as in, I care for others so much, and relationships won't work out for me. Just a short time back, I was chasing someone and it turned out they were seeing someone else. Things happened, taunts were made and I pretty much ended up on the outside. I think being 'nice' is ok, I mean, really? Am I meant to be a sexist pig or something? I don't fake being nice. Hell, I still joke around, taunt others and have fun. I'm not a bully. Just a nice person, but everyone warns me that i shouldn't be so caring of others. Another friend also said to me: If I was to get with you, it would be marriage, not a fling. Because people like you are for the long-term.
Compliment or what?
Compliment, keep doing what you are doing hun!
To the OP, you are both wise beyond your years and like me, an absolute sweetheart who doesn't see that the world is waiting to devour you when you let it get too close. Sleep with one eye open bud or you're gonna be a mug one day
Edit: your personality will be safe in about 15 years. High school and uni will be hell unless you harden yourself it's a dog eat dog world out there ;-)
Edit: your personality will be safe in about 15 years. High school and uni will be hell unless you harden yourself it's a dog eat dog world out there ;-)
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
My confidence is good, sure, sometimes I get a little knocked down. But this year, due to moving last year. I've got over 9 science exams, when I tell people, they get worried for me but I'm confident I can do it. So confidence isn't a problem.
I do not do it for attention. I do it because its natural to me, if someone falls over, I'll help. If someones ill, I'll help. Is humanity so screwed that being kind is now seen as something sinister?
I do not do it for attention. I do it because its natural to me, if someone falls over, I'll help. If someones ill, I'll help. Is humanity so screwed that being kind is now seen as something sinister?
You sound too nice mate, nothing wrong with it. Do you ever ask a girl out or just befriend them?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by SMEGGGY
You sound too nice mate, nothing wrong with it. Do you ever ask a girl out or just befriend them?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Why are you deluding him that there"s nothing wrong with being too nice? This boy is going to get BUUURNED and you know it. A broken heart or a trampled ego. I wish he won't but I sense it coming.
Original post by Riku
To the OP, you are both wise beyond your years and like me, an absolute sweetheart who doesn't see that the world is waiting to devour you when you let it get too close. Sleep with one eye open bud or you're gonna be a mug one day
Edit: your personality will be safe in about 15 years. High school and uni will be hell unless you harden yourself it's a dog eat dog world out there ;-)
Edit: your personality will be safe in about 15 years. High school and uni will be hell unless you harden yourself it's a dog eat dog world out there ;-)
I sometimes can't tell if you're trolling. Neither of you are wise beyond your years if you don't understand that life isn't fair, and the guy who tries the hardest to be nice doesn't always win. Attraction is multi-faceted. Going out with a guy who brought me flowers everyday and made me soup when I was ill may actually be incredibly boring if he had no personality and nothing else was there.
Original post by Jessaay!
I sometimes can't tell if you're trolling. Neither of you are wise beyond your years if you don't understand that life isn't fair, and the guy who tries the hardest to be nice doesn't always win. Attraction is multi-faceted. Going out with a guy who brought me flowers everyday and made me soup when I was ill may actually be incredibly boring if he had no personality and nothing else was there.
I'm not talking about niceness not being enough to attract. Forget relationships. I'm talking about niceness being something which one should expect to be abused by others. Therefore the nice person should expect to get ****ed over.
i hope this answers the question
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8
Original post by Riku
I'm not talking about niceness not being enough to attract. Forget relationships. I'm talking about niceness being something which one should expect to be abused by others. Therefore the nice person should expect to get ****ed over.
You can be nice and not put up with people's **** at the same time. You'll only get screwed over if you're nice irrespective of how people treat you.
I really don't like this idea that 'nice guys finish last'.
You seem like a kind and selfless person and for me, I'm attracted to that (maybe I'm just in the minority
)
You seem like a kind and selfless person and for me, I'm attracted to that (maybe I'm just in the minority
)
I think everyone on these threads misses some point of perspective.
In general, everyone wants successful, powerful people to be nice to them. They don't really care about unsuccessful, weak people being nice to them. They don't object but it doesn't make them think better of those people. Why is this? Because powerful people can do things for you whereas weak people can't. Having a powerful friend is more useful than a weak friend. Therefore people tend to be nicer to people more powerful to them, and not as nice to people less powerful than them. This is despite the fact that more powerful people don't need to be as nice in return, and less powerful people will likely be nice to them anyway; the relationships aren't reciprocal.
I use "power" in a very general sense here, just to mean they can give you something that is valuable to you: a good grade, a job, a desirable relationship, whatever. These relations are more usually trades than gifts, so two powerful people are more likely to come to an agreement than a weak person and a powerful person (a good employee and a good job for instance, rather than a bad employee and a good job). Similarly, both people in a relationship want to enjoy it so usually relationships are between people of comparable desirability.
People who are nice to almost everyone usually act like that because they have a weak position. They're not that desirable and can't do much for others. Others therefore don't tend to treat them that well and don't tend to give them things that they want, but this isn't because they're nice to everyone. That is confusing cause with effect. If they were arrogant and rude to everyone they would be treated even worse, first for being arrogant and rude and then again for not knowing their place. Their niceness to everyone is a reaction to their weakness, not the source of it.
A "nice guy" who was also extremely attractive, charismatic and successful would be very popular with everyone. On the other hand a guy like that wouldn't need to be nice to everyone to get what he wants, which is why it's comparatively rare.
In general, everyone wants successful, powerful people to be nice to them. They don't really care about unsuccessful, weak people being nice to them. They don't object but it doesn't make them think better of those people. Why is this? Because powerful people can do things for you whereas weak people can't. Having a powerful friend is more useful than a weak friend. Therefore people tend to be nicer to people more powerful to them, and not as nice to people less powerful than them. This is despite the fact that more powerful people don't need to be as nice in return, and less powerful people will likely be nice to them anyway; the relationships aren't reciprocal.
I use "power" in a very general sense here, just to mean they can give you something that is valuable to you: a good grade, a job, a desirable relationship, whatever. These relations are more usually trades than gifts, so two powerful people are more likely to come to an agreement than a weak person and a powerful person (a good employee and a good job for instance, rather than a bad employee and a good job). Similarly, both people in a relationship want to enjoy it so usually relationships are between people of comparable desirability.
People who are nice to almost everyone usually act like that because they have a weak position. They're not that desirable and can't do much for others. Others therefore don't tend to treat them that well and don't tend to give them things that they want, but this isn't because they're nice to everyone. That is confusing cause with effect. If they were arrogant and rude to everyone they would be treated even worse, first for being arrogant and rude and then again for not knowing their place. Their niceness to everyone is a reaction to their weakness, not the source of it.
A "nice guy" who was also extremely attractive, charismatic and successful would be very popular with everyone. On the other hand a guy like that wouldn't need to be nice to everyone to get what he wants, which is why it's comparatively rare.
(edited 10 years ago)
Nice guys who girls want aren't single.
Nice guys who nobody wants come on tsr and moan.
Face the truth.
Nice guys who nobody wants come on tsr and moan.
Face the truth.
Original post by Riku
I'm not talking about niceness not being enough to attract. Forget relationships. I'm talking about niceness being something which one should expect to be abused by others. Therefore the nice person should expect to get ****ed over.
I'm a nice person and I don't get ****ed over any more than anyone else. If you get ****ed over more often than others then you're probably missing something else about yourself. No one likes whiney people who blame how society isn't fair for anything that happens to them and goes into a hole of self-pity and that seems to be what you and the OP have in common if I'm completely honest.
There are plenty of nice people on the top of the social food chain, believe it or not.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by P.Kaur
Being kind is beneficial to everyone.
Here is the key. Nice is a violent word and has dark under tones of insincerity. Being kind is what you should go for.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Jessaay!
I sometimes can't tell if you're trolling. Neither of you are wise beyond your years if you don't understand that life isn't fair, and the guy who tries the hardest to be nice doesn't always win. Attraction is multi-faceted. Going out with a guy who brought me flowers everyday and made me soup when I was ill may actually be incredibly boring if he had no personality and nothing else was there.
OP, take advice from all her posts, she knows what she's talking about.
Original post by Jessaay!
I'm a nice person and I don't get ****ed over any more than anyone else. If you get ****ed over more often than others then you're probably missing something else about yourself. No one likes whiney people who blame how society isn't fair for anything that happens to them and goes into a hole of self-pity and that seems to be what you and the OP have in common if I'm completely honest.
There are plenty of nice people on the top of the social food chain, believe it or not.
There are plenty of nice people on the top of the social food chain, believe it or not.
I'm not sure what you're getting at. I haven't opened up to many people in a few years for precisely this reason, so how can I get ****ed over by anyone?
Original post by Jebedee
Here is the key. Nice is a violent word and has dark under tones of insincerity. Being kind is what you should go for.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I kind of agree with this too. My friend and I tend to say 'oh yeah she's... Nice' when we're referring to the insincere 'there's nothing else to me except being really NICE' type of girl. It screams fake. We use it as a sort of subtle reference to someone who we find fake.
When it's actually someone we like, we'll say 'they're sweet', generally this is reserved for people with a personality though.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- If you had to give up something that you like for the rest of life what would be?
- I can never get a girl because they are always broken by a bad boy
- Maths//Physics work experience
- Is there a benefit to being alone?
- Question to girls who are 5'3'' and under
- Do guys like cute girls
- What do you guys think ?
- Guys joining the cheerleading team?
- My teacher is very attractive
- What do I do from here?
- Craving love
- Why was this girl so rude to me?
- Gender equality struggles? misogyny? something like that
- Why should I work?
- how to be single and happy
- Grades not good enough for a PhD?
- The ideal height difference
- Age 29, is it too late?
- Is there a possibility that my bf is cheating?
- How to drink something that tastes horrible ???
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
