Jealous of married/engaged people

I have a close friend who's engaged and the wedding date has been set, and several other acquaintances from school etc. who are engaged or even married. I've been with my partner for nearly 3 years and we are both 23, while the friend I mentioned is the same age, as are the acquaintances.
I just worry that my boyfriend will never want to marry me. His family and some of my family have actually asked us when we'll be getting engaged etc. and I even thought he was going to propose to me a few months ago, but it has more recently transpired that he's just not into the idea.
He thinks we're too young (which I agree with, I am more upset that he has not expressed that he would like to marry me in the future- I'm not looking to get married tomorrow)
But he doesn't see the point of making promises for the future. He has this 'live for the moment' mentality and that we might not even be together in a few years; who knows what will happen etc. I suppose that people do break up etc, but I have committed myself to him and he knows it. I would never leave him for another person.
Even school bullies are married and engaged, and I just feel that he maybe doesn't love me enough to want to commit to a future with me.
Am I over-reacting? What does this sound like? Thanks in advance

It sounds like it just isn't on his list of priorities at the moment...or even anytime soon. But it's on your list.

First of all. Marriage is not a race. Do not compare yourself to others getting married before you. That's a horrid reason to want to get married.

I'm around your age and I think 23 is too young (which you say you agree on) so it seems the problem is the fact that he is not showing any interest whatsoever of getting married in the future.

What is his opinion of marriage in general? Not what he thinks to marrying you per se but his view on the whole concept of marriage? This is really important. It can tell you a lot about whether he wants to get married one day or is utterly against it (just a piece of paper...)

I understand your need to just find out if he has any intention at all. I think 3 years is a legitimate time to be talking about it in a relationship. You don't want to be wasting your time with someone who is never going to commit. At the same time he may want it but just isn't there yet and will require you to wait a bit longer. Be casual when broaching the topic and don't make it scary like he's under pressure ...maybe make a remark of your friend's wedding and comment what you think about marriage and then ask for his view?

Good luck!


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don't be

Man (woman) the **** up. Unless you're religious marriage is just a societal construct that tries to force you into the "ideal" relationship, which for a lot of people is either pointless or actually harmful to them.

I would also point out that getting married for guys is a big, and potentially risky thing. Several of my male friends have confided in me that they wouldn't get married because they fear being financially rinsed if it all went wrong, with a few more wanting prenups but being scared to ask about it. Until women (and I'm female too but have a pragmatic view on this) grow up and get past the whole "omg but aren't be going to be married forever like in the films?! Doesn't he love me if he's even considering what we'd do if we broke up?!" bs and accept that relationships do sometimes end/there's nothing wrong with planning ahead then you're going to breed a generation of men rightly anxious about even considering marriage.

tl:dr- man up, stop buying into the hollywood crap about fairytale romances and focus on enjoying your relationship.

She's wasn't asking for others' views on marriage. She had a problem wrt her boyfriend that she wanted advice on.

Anyway don't you think marriage is also a risky thing for women too? (Perhaps more so) although I would agree with you in that far too many people get married for the wrong reasons and too quickly, hence undervaluing marriage in society especially in recent decades, I do think marriage when done right is a positive thing.

It's not something in which you are "trapped in" and if one is worried about how they will escape before they've even married then they shouldn't be marrying at all because they've missed the point.

I'm aware but it's all linked.



It's far less risky for women unless they fall into the minority who are the higher earners/will be in the long run. If you're male and earn more then it's literally signing away stacks of your ££££ should it all go wrong. I had an old colleague who married age 22, earned probably 2.5 times what his wife did and bought some inherited wealth into the marriage whilst she brought nothing. 3 years later turns out she's been cheating on him for 2 years and run up a stack of debt on their credit card. He then ends up losing nearly 40% of his assets to the whore who financially contributed little in comparison and was the one totally at fault. Who do you think took the risk and paid for it there?.

Loads of people feel trapped in marriages. Literally loads. I suspect a lot of people who would rather divorce stick it out for the sake of their children...