I'm South asian so academic success is seen as a big thing in my family, I suppose it's a culture thing also.
One of my mum's friends just came over and told me how her son goes to Exeter and her daughter got A*A*A and is on a gap year but wants to re-apply for medicine. I am doing mostly essay subjects and she assumed I wanted to teach! I said I wanted to study Law, which I don't really want to but feel the need to do it for it still for be a 'respectable' choice. Then she turned around to my brother who is doing his GCSE's and told him to do all sciences and maths at A-level, which I dreamt of doing but I just wasn't capable at the time and it still kills me.
I was never given the support when I was my brothers age, I found school hard as I suffered with anxiety, my dad was a raging alcoholic, I was bullied and picked on constantly in my lessons, my teachers didn't give a **** and never taugt anything properly and I fell behind badly.My Gcse's are average, I have a couple of A's and B's the rest C's.
If had the life my brother does, I would be different. My parents have given him tuition from a young age in maths and science. I almost hate my brother for everything he has, his life is so much better than mine was at that age so he will most likely succeed more than I will. I also hate my parents for not recognising my weaknesses in knowledge as they have with my brother.
I hate my life really. Sometimes I want to give up on A-levels I'm doing (I hate them anyway) and do A-level science and maths, I got B's in both, I'm sure with the hard work I could do it at A-level but I give up on life really, I don't think I will amount to anything great. My brother will do better than me at everything in life.
I hate I feel this way but I cant help it. It hurts.