I told my girlfriend i cheated

schoolboy error

never admit; never apologise; never explain

schoolboy error

never admit; never apologise; never explain

Like anon has already suggested, how would you explain to your gf/bf an unexpected STI?

Basically I have just made the biggest mistake and cheated on my girlfriend. I've told her a couple of days later and now leaving her to decide. I'll provide some insight into the relationship so make with it what you will.I have been with my girlfriend now for just over 2 years, she is an amazing girl. We get on great and even though we don't really share the same interests we are happy and get on.

At the beginning (honeymoon period) it was great, we had fun, intimate near enough every day, this went for a while and I was happy. However a year later my mother died suddenly and this tore me apart, from this I became a different person, more mature and more focused. I began to then obsess on living my life to the full and just getting frustrated at my everyday/repetitive day to day.

A few months after my mum died, me and my girlfriend rented a place together, I did this because I wanted to be with her but also just as Much to get out of my dad's house as this was making me worse. Before moving out, me and my girlfriend began arguing because I believed we had stopped having sex, she blamed this on the fact we had no privacy and this was straining the relationship (we thought renting would stop this).
At first when we moved in we were happy, but my mind started to obsess again thinking I'm going to be stuck renting forever, ill never get a better job, do I want to marry this girl. I kept this to myself and put it Down to me being stressed about my mum etc, however 6 months later our relationship didn't improve and I felt we were just two lodgers together in a house, not a relationship, I brought this up subtly but she just passed it off. As months went by I started thinking about spilting up but I doubted myself as I kept on believing I'm just stressed. Still at this point our relationship was still lacking intimacy and any planning (no talking about the future) and she just didn't talk to me about anything other then mindless conversation.
I then just became compliant and had no idea what I wanted to do, I was sure that I loved her but couldn't get past all these thoughts.


I then made a mistake, I got drunk one weekend and got talking to someone random girl and I had sex with her, I didn't even recognize myself. I promised my girlfriend at the beginning I would never cheat (I believed myself). I didn't know this girl before, it wasnt planned, I didnt sleep there, I just left and never saw her again. I can only put it down to an urge, this girl threw herself at me and my mind, my morals just switched off, so we had sex. Not at point during it did I think of anything, not my girlfriend, not the future, just sex. I suddenly then came to my senses I left before I finished. There was no way my girlfriend would have found out but after days debating with myself, I told her.

I explained that I had no intention of cheating on her, it was a mistake and all the usual stereotypical ****. I told her how I've felt over the last few months and didn't respond to it massively, she blames it on herself (her previous boyfriends have cheated but never told her or just left)The only thing that has improved is me, myvfeelings have become more clear, I love my girlfriend and could imagine a future, I am upset I have took everything we have done, she has done, for granted. It's killing me that it took me to cheat to get to this point and have more clarity.

However, I'm still in two minds what to do (up to her, she doesn't want me to leave but she can't barely to look at me, I'm just doing my best), could I stay with her and hope she loves me enough to get past this but then I do think what if these thoughts happen again (id never cheat again) and I can't stressed and feel trapped but then I imagine being without her and I'm not sure how this would feel or weather or not I'd be happy.

I'm a headcase, I know, but just in case anybody has idea what this feels like and if they can understand then say so.

You should have sat down with her when it wasn't working and discussed whether you both want to call it a day and say it doesn't work or if you want to work hard and try to get back on track. Now you have cheated it just makes things a million times worse. It's going to be down to her and whether she can forgive you, or if she wants to leave. You know you were a dick for cheating so I won't lecture you about it. You guys need to make a decision either way, you can't just keep sticking your heads in the sand and hoping it will magically get better whilst being miserable.

That's why you get tested and tell them 'if' you really need to for practical reasons.

Some of the most common advice, even from relationship guru's is to either break up or not inform your partner. The main reason being it won't do anything in the slightest bit positive for the relationship, cause heartbreak & pain and generally speaking is all about the guilty party making themselves feel better by being honest (which is kinda selfish).

Hell, then you have the french model where if you find out you're being cheated on that you should really turn the other cheek because statistically speaking affairs don't really last.

Fyi, I'm not saying cheating is okay, just why generally speaking you shouldn't come clean regarding it if it does happen.

However, I'm still in two minds what to do (up to her, she doesn't want me to leave but she can't barely to look at me, I'm just doing my best), could I stay with her and hope she loves me enough to get past this but then I do think what if these thoughts happen again (id never cheat again) and I can't stressed and feel trapped but then I imagine being without her and I'm not sure how this would feel or weather or not I'd be happy.

I'm a headcase, I know, but just in case anybody has idea what this feels like and if they can understand then say so.

Did not read.

But why admit it ? It's not admirable to do so. You should have just moved on and forgot about it.

shows a much bigger strength of chachter to admit to a mistake than forget it was ever made