I don't know where exactly we are taught that jealousy, control etc are signs of care and love. They're really not. Sometimes we might like our partner to show a little jealousy but usually that's because maybe we're feeling insecure or the relationship is on a tepid phase and needs some love/passion reinjecting (which you can do without the involvement of others)
There's also a very large margin between showing others you're in a relationship when a stranger is being flirty vs shaming and blaming your partner for ether the behaviour of others or merely talking to someone else. When I see women being flirty with my partner, it makes me fancy him even more. So I go over and give him a kiss. Then maybe I tell him later how much I like that others want him. That's the extend of the discussion. I don't blame him because a woman came up to him to try her luck. Not even when she is brazen and aware of me. I also don't tell him to make himself less attractive, less noticeable to others in order to stop women coming on to him. Nor do I accuse him of liking their attention, cheating or wanting to leave me. Or tell him that if he loved me he would do x, y, z. - because that's not healthy behaviour. Doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, that behaviour is not healthy and not how you display love and respect in a relationship.