Muslim girls: Would you prefer your husband to come out?

That's what I'm worried about. I fought through so much to be with her. And my dream came true that I am engaged to her. One BIG barrier I had to fight was the ethnicity difference. I am a Gujarati Indian and she is an North African Arab. I left Islam around a year ago and haven't mentioned anything. I am unsure if she will still marry me if I came out so I just feel its safer not to. I kind of can't imagine not being with her now.

Omg im an Arab, and I'm telling you this, if you mess with them, you'll be in hospital! I'm serious let her go, find someone who is in your league.

Reply 41

hennnaaa

2

It is incredibly selfish, from the description you've given of her she sounds really nice and doesn't deserve to be lied to. She also sounds incredibly religious and intelligent so regardless whether you tell her before or after marriage she'll probably dump you either way. You've already lied to her for a year, don't waste her time or your own.

Reply 42

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by RosyPearl

Omg im an Arab, and I'm telling you this, if you mess with them, you'll be in hospital! I'm serious let her go, find someone who is in your league.

Well I'm not really messing with anyone. And she is in my league.

Reply 43

RosyPearl

12

The marriage will be invalid anyway, she'll go find another religious man whilst still married to you because technically the Nikah is void

Reply 44

FranktheYank

1

She's actually out of your league if you need to lie to be with her.

Original post by Anonymous

Well I'd never leave her for anything like that. I mean her religion doesn't define her individuality. She's modest, intelligent, beautiful etc. I'm sure she will have these characteristics despite which religion she follows.

Obsviously it's part of her... BUT, if it's essential to her that she marrys a Muslim (and believes you are one) and then finds out you arent one and have essentially lied to her , that won't end well.

That's my opinion - take from it what you want, but I'm not going to tell you if I think you should still marry her or not. Not my place.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 46

aishaishbaby123

4

If this is a troll, get a life.

If not.. You need to leave the poor girl alone!!! and find another person who shares your beliefs ( non-muslim) or someone who wouldn't mind being married to someone of a different faith. Don't lie to her.

Reply 47

Angry Bird

18

the girl will divorce u if u tell her later, don't even get married..

Reply 48

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by FranktheYank

She's actually out of your league if you need to lie to be with her.

I honestly don't feel I need to lie. It's hard for you to understand because I'm just so worried about her reaction after telling. I actually describe myself as a 'cultural Muslim'. Meaning that I don't believe in the doctrine, but I follow some aspects of the culture like celebrating festivals, I only eat meat that is Halal but I admit that I drink alcohol too. I don't really want her finding out about the alcohol.

Reply 49

LauraMayden1

10

Original post by Anonymous

It's not selfish, and if you're not an ex-Muslim you won't understand how difficult it is for us guys. And I can't tell you what she's studying as people I know might see this as there are very few Muslim girls studying this degree. Most of them I know tend to study medicine, dentistry, pharmacy or optometry.

That's still selfish; you won't tell her because it's so hard for you? What about how hard it is for her? You can bathe in your excuses if you want, but nothing justifies your deceiving her. I'm gonna assume you're a troll.

Reply 50

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

I honestly don't feel I need to lie. It's hard for you to understand because I'm just so worried about her reaction after telling. I actually describe myself as a 'cultural Muslim'. Meaning that I don't believe in the doctrine, but I follow some aspects of the culture like celebrating festivals, I only eat meat that is Halal but I admit that I drink alcohol too. I don't really want her finding out about the alcohol.

So you're scared? So selfish

Reply 51

Rakas21

21

Original post by Anonymous

That's what I'm worried about. I fought through so much to be with her. And my dream came true that I am engaged to her. One BIG barrier I had to fight was the ethnicity difference. I am a Gujarati Indian and she is an North African Arab. I left Islam around a year ago and haven't mentioned anything. I am unsure if she will still marry me if I came out so I just feel its safer not to. I kind of can't imagine not being with her now.

If she does not wish to be with you then she was never worthy of being the mother of your future children.

Reply 52

A321

20

How selfish. I don't understand, surely the Nikkah would be invalid if a muslim and non muslim get married.

Be open and honest.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 53

Ribbit1234

15

Original post by Anonymous

Well I'd never leave her for anything like that. I mean her religion doesn't define her individuality. She's modest, intelligent, beautiful etc. I'm sure she will have these characteristics despite which religion she follows.

LOOOOLL her religion does define her considering she lives her life according to Islamic beliefs and rules. She is the way She is because of Islamic influence duh. I think you're in denial and think she might choose to remain with u once ur married. She won't. I'm not as practicing as she sounds and would never ever consider marrying a non Muslim or an ex Muslim. Only veryyyyy liberal Muslim girls who are basically Muslims by name and drink, go partying etc would consider it. You know you're going to lose her if u tell her so ur avoiding it, but when u do tell her it's gna Be worse cuz you're going to break her heart.

One of the reasons she is marrying you is because she's been under the impression that you two are compatible religiously, and that is a lie. She'll break up with u after marriage once She finds out and will end up with someone else. You simply don't fit her criteria and can't stand the thought of that, so ur going to deceive her instead. It will be worse when u come out later, idk how you can ruin someone else's life like that, ur being selfish and deceitful, and u know it. Stop trying to justify it by saying 'I love her' , and let her move on. Plenty of good non Muslim girls around

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 54

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ribbit1234

LOOOOLL her religion does define her considering she lives her life according to Islamic beliefs and rules. She is the way She is because of Islamic influence duh. I think you're in denial and think she might choose to remain with u once ur married. She won't. I'm not as practicing as she sounds and would never ever consider marrying a non Muslim or an ex Muslim. Only veryyyyy liberal Muslim girls who are basically Muslims by name and drink, go partying etc would consider it. You know you're going to lose her if u tell her so ur avoiding it, but when u do tell her it's gna Be worse cuz you're going to break her heart.

One of the reasons she is marrying you is because she's been under the impression that you two are compatible religiously, and that is a lie. She'll break up with u after marriage once She finds out and will end up with someone else. You simply don't fit her criteria and can't stand the thought of that, so ur going to deceive her instead. It will be worse when u come out later, idk how you can ruin someone else's life like that, ur being selfish and deceitful, and u know it. Stop trying to justify it by saying 'I love her' , and let her move on. Plenty of good non Muslim girls around

I think it's only only her religion that defines her and she has amazing qualities otherwise. And that's exactly what I'm saying, I really don't want a divorce nor do I want to never marry her. so it's best kept under the sheets. And I wouldn't consider one of the liberal Muslims that drink or go clubbing even though I do myself, it's kind of different for girls that do it. And she'll never be with someone else, I honestly can't imagine it. And I do fit her criteria.

Original post by Anonymous

I do fit her criteria

You don't though? You're not a Muslim. If it wasn't important to her, you wouldnt be asking this and wouldn't have created the thread.

Reply 56

FranktheYank

1

Expert troll or selfish 20 year old man about to make a major mistake.

You decide.

Reply 57

Ribbit1234

15

Original post by Anonymous

I think it's only only her religion that defines her and she has amazing qualities otherwise. And that's exactly what I'm saying, I really don't want a divorce nor do I want to never marry her. so it's best kept under the sheets. And I wouldn't consider one of the liberal Muslims that drink or go clubbing even though I do myself, it's kind of different for girls that do it. And she'll never be with someone else, I honestly can't imagine it. And I do fit her criteria.

You fit her criteria?? Her most important criteria is she wants a Muslim guy which you are not. Therefore, all your other qualities as good as they may be are irrelevant. If u fit her criteria, you wouldn't hesitate in telling her that ur no longer a Muslim. You know she wouldn't want u after that, that's why you're avoiding it. Even If u both love each other, u don't fit her most important criteria at all which is why shes gna leave u, now or later. Listen, all the replies that you've got are telling you to tell her and stop being selfish and hiding something like ur faith/beliefs which is so important. You're basically lieing to her about who you are. And yes being of a certain faith or being atheist does help define who you are and whether you'd fit someone's criteria and be compatible to them. Hence why most Muslims get with Muslims, Jews with Jews, Hindus with Hindus etc

Reply 58

Anonymous #6

Original post by Anonymous

I was shocked at the responses from the other thread. I'm an ex-Muslim guy going to marry a Muslim girl in the summer. She doesn't know yet and I don't plan to tell her until years after the marriage. It's just that she is very religious and all, she always prays five times a day, fasts, wears hijab and abaya.

Would you prefer your husband to come out after marriage or before?

ONLY FOOLS GET married.

I don't see any good reason why two people would bind themselves to this promise of marriage. First of all, obvious point - 50% of marriages end in divorce, so you know there's a good chance it won't work out, since there's always more attractive, better looking and people with more money or better personality. So most end in divorce. But even if you do make it work - at what cost, to your and your partner's happiness? I think that if you really do love each other, you can stay boyfriend or girlfriend forever.

More generally, I believe that this romantic ideal of two people faithfully monogamous to each other for the rest of their lives is just pure Disney, and it's causing more harm than good. So a lot of my criticism of marriage applies to monogamous relationships in general. We will continue to suffer from relationships - either staying in unhappy ones, or being devastated when a partner leaves or cheats on us - until we accept that both partners are free and independent human beings, and getting bored or desiring other people is normal.

Muslim girls: Would you prefer your husband to come out?

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