Let him down nicely...

Original post by Bham369

Last night a guy that I like asked me out. Thing is although I really like him I don't feel I know him enough to date him. I told him I would think about it as at the time I wasn't sure as to whether or not I should say yes. I've decided to say no but an unsure as to how to say it without hurting him..
He is a nice guy but I can't date him. I know that when I say no he is going to be hurt and I don't want that! Please help!

He should respect your decision. Make sure you say it nicely and explain why etc... Explain that you do not mean to hurt him but this is the best decision for you. :smile:

Reply 2

UWS

21

If you can't date him, you can't date him. There's no need for an ambiguous response that will lead to him asking a third time. Just say you're not looking to date anyone right now. Rejection hurts but that's part of life, he'll get over it.

Reply 3

Original post by UWS

If you can't date him, you can't date him. There's no need for an ambiguous response that will lead to him asking a third time. Just say you're not looking to date anyone right now. Rejection hurts but that's part of life, he'll get over it.

Exemplary advice. :smile:

Reply 4

StriderHort

21

Obv your choice but I don't see why you can't date him if you like him? If you don't feel you know him well enough, well why do you like him at all if you don't want to know him better?

Reply 5

Tiger Rag

22

I'm confused - surely, if you like him, get to know him better?

Reply 6

OP

Original post by StriderHort

Obv your choice but I don't see why you can't date him if you like him? If you don't feel you know him well enough, well why do you like him at all if you don't want to know him better?

I want to get to know him more before I date him. I fancy him because he is a nice, genuine guy and he really knows how to make me smile. But I haven't known him for too long and I just feel that I should get to know him a bit more before I can call him my bf.

Spoiler

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 7

OP

Original post by Tiger Rag

I'm confused - surely, if you like him, get to know him better?

That is the plan. But I don't want to date him yet...

Reply 8

Original post by Bham369

I want to get to know him more before I date him. I fancy him because he is a nice, genuine guy and he really knows how to make me smile. But I haven't known him for too long and I just feel that I should get to know him a bit more before I can call him my bf.

Spoiler

Awwwww

I am sorry to hear that, maybe you should give this guy who clearly wants to go out with you a chance? See how things go?

Reply 9

OP

Original post by adorable16

Awwwww

I am sorry to hear that, maybe you should give this guy who clearly wants to go out with you a chance? See how things go?

Thing is he isn't the only person I have feelings for. If I did date him I would be lying to him and myself...

Reply 10

Original post by Bham369

Thing is he isn't the only person I have feelings for. If I did date him I would be lying to him and myself...

I see your point.
You having feelings for a few people is normal, but you need to at least give him a chance. :smile:

I think anyway :smile:

Reply 11

Tubbz

20

Original post by Tiger Rag

I'm confused - surely, if you like him, get to know him better?

You can like someone in a strictly platonic way. There's nothing wrong with telling someone you have no more feelings for them than as friends.

Reply 12

Philip-flop

Original post by Bham369

Thing is although I really like him I don't feel I know him enough to date him.

That's just silly, surely if you like someone enough then you do everything you can to get to know them better. So, obviously you don't like him :tongue:

As for the hurt? There's no need to feel guilty, he's a guy so he'll have to learn to cope with rejection at some point in his life.

Reply 13

OP

Original post by adorable16

I see your point.
You having feelings for a few people is normal, but you need to at least give him a chance. :smile:

I think anyway :smile:

But would I not be lying to him? I don't want to do that!

Reply 14

Danny Dorito

20

Original post by Bham369

I want to get to know him more before I date him. I fancy him because he is a nice, genuine guy and he really knows how to make me smile. But I haven't known him for too long and I just feel that I should get to know him a bit more before I can call him my bf.

Spoiler

If you like him but you're not ready yet, tell him that. Say you want to go on a couple dates to get to know him a bit better before you commit, it's always worth a try. But if you honestly don't see yourself ever wanting to get in a relationship with him, that is completely fine and you don't have to. Just be honest with him. The fact that you're worrying about this shows that you're a good person so probably feel a bit bad about hurting his feelings, but ultimately, you have to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. Good luck :smile:

Reply 15

Original post by Bham369

But would I not be lying to him? I don't want to do that!

Maybe you should tell him the situation you are in?
So he understands and maybe it can be more of a hangout then a date?
And when you are satisfied you can discus further relationship aspects?

Reply 16

OP

Original post by Philip-flop

That's just silly, surely if you like someone enough then you do everything you can to get to know them better. So, obviously you don't like him :tongue:

As for the hurt? There's no need to feel guilty, he's a guy so he'll have to learn to cope with rejection at some point in his life.

I am trying to get to know him better. Like I have said before I fear it may just be a crush and nothing serious.

As for rejecting him. I know that he will have to get used to it but I'm not sure what to tell him...

Reply 17

Nunchuck-master-2334

20

Original post by Bham369

Last night a guy that I like asked me out. Thing is although I really like him I don't feel I know him enough to date him. I told him I would think about it as at the time I wasn't sure as to whether or not I should say yes. I've decided to say no but an unsure as to how to say it without hurting him..
He is a nice guy but I can't date him. I know that when I say no he is going to be hurt and I don't want that! Please help!

You can't go out with him, but you love him in a sisterly way?

Reply 18

OP