So for various reasons my first year, at a uni consistently ranked in the top 10, went terribly and I transferred directly into the second year to a university that's ranked in the top 20.
My first term here was also horrible, I managed to stop myself from making any real friends due to anxieties over league tables and feeling like I'm in the wrong place whenever I heard dumb conversations both in the labs and elsewhere. Instead of just being able to move on and speak to different people instead, I obsess over what I just heard. My parents met at cambridge so it's kind of ingrained into me that I should be speaking to 'intellectual' people - they don't even care about my transfer and they're not worried at all, but I can't seem to get rid of the anxieties.
e.g. At one point I made a friend, but then I saw their CV and seeing their ABB vs my A*A*A literally made me anxious like I wanted to get away from them, haven't really spoke since. I don't even think of myself as a snob (but my dad is pretty snobby). To clarify, if I could stop caring, I would.
I saw various health professionals about this, explaining what was going through my mind, and two of them separately suggested that I may have traits of ASD. Previously I had already taken the test and scored 25 on the test (it's out of 50, and the threshold is 26). The other day, I scored 28, so if I do have it then it's a mild form, but present enough to cause chronic stress.
To try and put it into words: I am constantly worried about how my A-level results are out-of-place with my university choice.
I've managed to get a really good software engineering internship at a fantastic company, but this hasn't stopped the anxieties: I have some kind of underlying belief that, as I won't be graduating from a top 10 university, my career prospects are somewhat bottlenecked; there's only a certain level of job that I'm able to find; that there is some magnitude of incompetence associated with ppl who go to this uni; I hope that this isn't true and that it's the case that I do have traits of ASD, or GAD, or something.
I wasn't even doing particularly well at the previous university, my average was 2:1 and, as the doctor who I saw said, a 1st from this one might even serve me better.
Yet the anxieties persist
Anyone have thoughts? This is computer science btw - pls don't say yes based on this alone.
Many thanks