Bf is giving me the silent treatment? bit long!
my boyfriend and I had a supposedly great relationship for a while. We got into an argument the last time we saw each other (over 2 weeks ago), he acted like he was fine, I thought we resolved everything, said goodbye and kissed etc. Anyway, since then he's dodged all my calls and texts, every attempt I've made to reach out to him.
I think it's disgusting behaviour and not what I'd expect from a 24 year old. I've been going out of my mind wondering if he's met someone else, if he's angry with me, if he just needs space etc. I can't tell if he wants me to move on and he's done, or if he plans to return and pick up from where he left off?
I text him saying 'look I'm a big girl, I can handle whatever you need to say, if you're done, fine, but be mature and at least offer me an explanation, I think I deserve that at least?' He's READ it and still won't explain. He's still keeping my number, and hasn't removed me on FB, Instagram anywhere? Is he done or is this him torturing me as he can see how upset I am?
I think it's disgusting behaviour and not what I'd expect from a 24 year old. I've been going out of my mind wondering if he's met someone else, if he's angry with me, if he just needs space etc. I can't tell if he wants me to move on and he's done, or if he plans to return and pick up from where he left off?
I text him saying 'look I'm a big girl, I can handle whatever you need to say, if you're done, fine, but be mature and at least offer me an explanation, I think I deserve that at least?' He's READ it and still won't explain. He's still keeping my number, and hasn't removed me on FB, Instagram anywhere? Is he done or is this him torturing me as he can see how upset I am?
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How big was the argument, and how upset was he at the time? Do you have a mutual friend who can talk to him?
Assume that your relationship with him is over and that he will never speak to you again. Proceed on that basis for now.
If he does get back in touch with you, treat it as a bonus and take things from there.
Of course, you are not obliged to carry on your relationship even if he does give you a big apology for his sulky behaviour.
If he does get back in touch with you, treat it as a bonus and take things from there.
Of course, you are not obliged to carry on your relationship even if he does give you a big apology for his sulky behaviour.
Original post by cheesecakelove
How big was the argument, and how upset was he at the time? Do you have a mutual friend who can talk to him?
It wasn't really a big argument, it was diffused very quickly but it about something that could be interpreted as very serious. It was something he did which reduced me to tears.
He seemed fine afterwards, he lay on my lap for an hour after whilst I stroked his hair, kissed me etc. Only to not hear from him again. This was only our first ever argument. Our relationship is usually very smooth sailing, he usually called me everyday etc. He's just fallen off the face of the earth. Seems like a bit of an overreaction, I should be the one angry.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Assume that your relationship with him is over and that he will never speak to you again. Proceed on that basis for now.
If he does get back in touch with you, treat it as a bonus and take things from there.
Of course, you are not obliged to carry on your relationship even if he does give you a big apology for his sulky behaviour.
If he does get back in touch with you, treat it as a bonus and take things from there.
Of course, you are not obliged to carry on your relationship even if he does give you a big apology for his sulky behaviour.
I'm just confused as he's just halted all of our future plans too. We had plans to see a specific film he's been dying to see for ages, that's gone now. We had discussed plans for my birthday next month. He was working on a project that'd take 3 months to finish and couldn't wait to show me the end result etc. He was constantly discussing the future so it's just odd behaviour for him to destroy our relationship halfway. Especially because imo we had it really good, I was head over heels in love with him at this point.
I want him to come back to simply explain why he left. Although, I'm not prepared to take him back, he's obviously unstable and unpredictable. He's mentally tortured me by purposely ignoring me for weeks whilst I can see him active on social media etc. Blatant disrespect for your 'girlfriend'.
I cba with the silent treatment. The guy and silent treatment can go do one for all I care.
Wait for him to make the first move, not you. You have clearly tried and what else can you do? The guy is acting like a complete sh*thead
Hmmm. If someone did that to me, I would think they were looking for a reaction. See it as him pressing your buttons and you falling right into his hands.
Be cautious though, if this is your first argument and he's acting like this, imagine what a lifetime of arguments will feel like...
I would think the worst tbh, he doesn't want to know, hence he's not contacting you right now.
I would just delete this person from my social media and be done with it. I haven't got the time to be messing around with this childish behaviour.
He's being a coward and gaining the upper hand because you are allowing him to control you by wanting closure or an answer. You may never get it, learn to let go more readily honey.....
Be cautious though, if this is your first argument and he's acting like this, imagine what a lifetime of arguments will feel like...
I would think the worst tbh, he doesn't want to know, hence he's not contacting you right now.
I would just delete this person from my social media and be done with it. I haven't got the time to be messing around with this childish behaviour.
He's being a coward and gaining the upper hand because you are allowing him to control you by wanting closure or an answer. You may never get it, learn to let go more readily honey.....
Original post by Anonymous
my boyfriend and I had a supposedly great relationship for a while. We got into an argument the last time we saw each other (over 2 weeks ago), he acted like he was fine, I thought we resolved everything, said goodbye and kissed etc. Anyway, since then he's dodged all my calls and texts, every attempt I've made to reach out to him.
I think it's disgusting behaviour and not what I'd expect from a 24 year old. I've been going out of my mind wondering if he's met someone else, if he's angry with me, if he just needs space etc. I can't tell if he wants me to move on and he's done, or if he plans to return and pick up from where he left off?
I text him saying 'look I'm a big girl, I can handle whatever you need to say, if you're done, fine, but be mature and at least offer me an explanation, I think I deserve that at least?' He's READ it and still won't explain. He's still keeping my number, and hasn't removed me on FB, Instagram anywhere? Is he done or is this him torturing me as he can see how upset I am?
I think it's disgusting behaviour and not what I'd expect from a 24 year old. I've been going out of my mind wondering if he's met someone else, if he's angry with me, if he just needs space etc. I can't tell if he wants me to move on and he's done, or if he plans to return and pick up from where he left off?
I text him saying 'look I'm a big girl, I can handle whatever you need to say, if you're done, fine, but be mature and at least offer me an explanation, I think I deserve that at least?' He's READ it and still won't explain. He's still keeping my number, and hasn't removed me on FB, Instagram anywhere? Is he done or is this him torturing me as he can see how upset I am?
(edited 6 years ago)
If I was in your place I would seek confrontation and visit him. He might not be worth it, but I'd do it to find inner peace and get an explanation.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm just confused as he's just halted all of our future plans too. We had plans to see a specific film he's been dying to see for ages, that's gone now. We had discussed plans for my birthday next month. He was working on a project that'd take 3 months to finish and couldn't wait to show me the end result etc. He was constantly discussing the future so it's just odd behaviour for him to destroy our relationship halfway. Especially because imo we had it really good, I was head over heels in love with him at this point.
I want him to come back to simply explain why he left. Although, I'm not prepared to take him back, he's obviously unstable and unpredictable. He's mentally tortured me by purposely ignoring me for weeks whilst I can see him active on social media etc. Blatant disrespect for your 'girlfriend'.
I want him to come back to simply explain why he left. Although, I'm not prepared to take him back, he's obviously unstable and unpredictable. He's mentally tortured me by purposely ignoring me for weeks whilst I can see him active on social media etc. Blatant disrespect for your 'girlfriend'.
His behaviour is like that of a spoilt 3 year old. He's acting like a big baby.
With people, you'll find out a bit about them when they're getting what they want. You then find out a lot more about them when they don't get what they want. Some people respond well to stress or pressure. Some don't. And some react as badly as your ex has done in this example. Your argument with him made him reveal his true colours.
In the next 5 years he might grow up and improve. Or he might always stay sulky after arguments. In which case we can only feel sorry for his future wife - unless she likes living like a monk and enjoys non-speaking regimes.
Things definitely don't seem right here. Stop trying to contact him and get about with your normal life. I think he wants you to worry and think about him all of the time. Don't give him what he wants. When he does finally get back into contact with you, it is up to you to decide what you want to do about your relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
It wasn't really a big argument, it was diffused very quickly but it about something that could be interpreted as very serious. It was something he did which reduced me to tears.
He seemed fine afterwards, he lay on my lap for an hour after whilst I stroked his hair, kissed me etc. Only to not hear from him again. This was only our first ever argument. Our relationship is usually very smooth sailing, he usually called me everyday etc. He's just fallen off the face of the earth. Seems like a bit of an overreaction, I should be the one angry.
He seemed fine afterwards, he lay on my lap for an hour after whilst I stroked his hair, kissed me etc. Only to not hear from him again. This was only our first ever argument. Our relationship is usually very smooth sailing, he usually called me everyday etc. He's just fallen off the face of the earth. Seems like a bit of an overreaction, I should be the one angry.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
I agree 100%.
His behaviour is like that of a spoilt 3 year old. He's acting like a big baby.
With people, you'll find out a bit about them when they're getting what they want. You then find out a lot more about them when they don't get what they want. Some people respond well to stress or pressure. Some don't. And some react as badly as your ex has done in this example. Your argument with him made him reveal his true colours.
In the next 5 years he might grow up and improve. Or he might always stay sulky after arguments. In which case we can only feel sorry for his future wife - unless she likes living like a monk and enjoys non-speaking regimes.
His behaviour is like that of a spoilt 3 year old. He's acting like a big baby.
With people, you'll find out a bit about them when they're getting what they want. You then find out a lot more about them when they don't get what they want. Some people respond well to stress or pressure. Some don't. And some react as badly as your ex has done in this example. Your argument with him made him reveal his true colours.
In the next 5 years he might grow up and improve. Or he might always stay sulky after arguments. In which case we can only feel sorry for his future wife - unless she likes living like a monk and enjoys non-speaking regimes.
I just feel very hurt and distraught at this point. The end of our relationship is taking longer to get over than I thought it would. I didn't realize how invested in him or who I thought he was, until he was gone. It's just sad because I loved him to pieces and always tried to be on my best behaviour around him because I didn't want to lose him, which happened anyway.
Plus, in our argument, HE was at fault, yet I was the one who reached out and attempted to resolve things the next day. I apologized to him too (over text) because I thought well maybe it doesn't matter whose right or wrong, lets just forgive and forget. I don't know why he felt the need to 'punish' me so severely. I just want to move on and hope I get treated better in future.
Original post by cheesecakelove
Things definitely don't seem right here. Stop trying to contact him and get about with your normal life. I think he wants you to worry and think about him all of the time. Don't give him what he wants. When he does finally get back into contact with you, it is up to you to decide what you want to do about your relationship.
Thank you for your support. I haven't contacted him in 6 days now and I don't really plan to again unless he reaches out to clarify things. It's left me in pieces over the past few weeks and I'm usually a really happy person. He left me feeling so vulnerable and I'll probably end up having trust issues in future relationships thinking if I ever have an argument again, he'll just vanish to never appear again and that isn't fair.
At this point, it'd be better if he didn't get into contact even though deep down I want him to. I don't trust him anymore, any respect I had for him is gone. He's not the person I thought he was if he could just throw away everything just like that. He wouldn't even give me a chance to communicate with him, he hasn't really heard me out at all. He's simply reading my messages.
Original post by cheesecakelove
Things definitely don't seem right here. Stop trying to contact him and get about with your normal life. I think he wants you to worry and think about him all of the time. Don't give him what he wants. When he does finally get back into contact with you, it is up to you to decide what you want to do about your relationship.
He is really weird like that. I remember before he'd give me random love bites without asking me, and if I asked why he'd do it, he'd say 'I want you to think about me all day'. I've given up though, it'll be nearly 3 weeks since he spoke to me, and tomorrow marks a week since I've contacted him.
Original post by Chris22
What exactly was the argument about? What was said?
I wasn't ready to have sex yet. He proceeded to pull down my clothes anyway and attempt to have sex with me anyway whilst I profusely told him to stop about five times until I nearly started crying thinking he was going to actually rape me. Then he backed off and almost sneered at me for almost crying and told me I was pissing him off.
I did calm down after he hugged me, and then he lay on my lap and we talked a little. The situation was diffused, or he would've just gone home. So I'm not sure. That's what I mean, this was done to ME, I was crying, he was the perpetrator here yet he's sulking?
Original post by Chris22
What exactly was the argument about? What was said?
Oh and I asked him why he'd just do that when I tell him every time I'm not ready yet. He told me I wanted it? I'm sure I wouldn't be telling him repeatedly to stop and being in tears if I wanted it. His behaviour was disgusting that night, and more fool me for trying to pretend it never happened. I've probably dodged a bullet. I wish I could just get my brain to process he isn't good for me. I didn't see that side to him before until that night, he usually stops as soon as I say.
Original post by Anonymous
I wasn't ready to have sex yet. He proceeded to pull down my clothes anyway and attempt to have sex with me anyway whilst I profusely told him to stop about five times until I nearly started crying thinking he was going to actually rape me. Then he backed off and almost sneered at me for almost crying and told me I was pissing him off.
I did calm down after he hugged me, and then he lay on my lap and we talked a little. The situation was diffused, or he would've just gone home. So I'm not sure. That's what I mean, this was done to ME, I was crying, he was the perpetrator here yet he's sulking?
I did calm down after he hugged me, and then he lay on my lap and we talked a little. The situation was diffused, or he would've just gone home. So I'm not sure. That's what I mean, this was done to ME, I was crying, he was the perpetrator here yet he's sulking?
First off, I’m sorry to hear this has happened to you and that you are upset. You do not deserve to be treated like that, no one deserves that.
Please don’t contact him or get back together with him. This is ringing abusive alarm bells in my head. He is sulking because he wants you to give in even though you’re not ready. He pulled your clothes! I can’t believe this guy. He’s acting horribly, please never speak to him again. I’m never one to label assault on much but surely that’s sexual assault? Wait, it is sexual assault.
Get away from him, block his number or something because he will do it again. Guarantee that.
Original post by Jenniferann232
First off, I’m sorry to hear this has happened to you and that you are upset. You do not deserve to be treated like that, no one deserves that.
Please don’t contact him or get back together with him. This is ringing abusive alarm bells in my head. He is sulking because he wants you to give in even though you’re not ready. He pulled your clothes! I can’t believe this guy. He’s acting horribly, please never speak to him again. I’m never one to label assault on much but surely that’s sexual assault? Wait, it is sexual assault.
Get away from him, block his number or something because he will do it again. Guarantee that.
Please don’t contact him or get back together with him. This is ringing abusive alarm bells in my head. He is sulking because he wants you to give in even though you’re not ready. He pulled your clothes! I can’t believe this guy. He’s acting horribly, please never speak to him again. I’m never one to label assault on much but surely that’s sexual assault? Wait, it is sexual assault.
Get away from him, block his number or something because he will do it again. Guarantee that.
Yes it's sexual assault and even when I was demanding he stop, he just kept talking about how good it felt? At that point I was mortified. I had to act calm right afterwards and pretended I was over it as he was my only way of getting home, hence I didn't want to cause a scene. I know he's not good for me, and I know the feelings will eventually fade away, or at least I hope so.
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