Judged everyday for not wanting a family.

I get judged pretty much daily for being upfront about not seeing a wife and kids in my future, it’s just not who I am.

There seems to be some social stigma around this still.

What’s your opinion on it?

Reply 1

IQuitTSR

21

I don't want either so I can relate

just ignore those who judge because they cannot understand you

if you can't ignore then ask why it's such a big deal when it does not even concern them

geez they need to leave you alone it's your choice

Reply 2

random_matt

20

Same, hate children with a passion. Marriage? Don't get me started on that crap.

Reply 3

BTAnonymous

22

By who exactly? Older people? Because less people are getting married + having children now, so the expectation of having a family should be gone now. Just ignore them and carry on with your life...

Reply 4

Joleee

19

who's judging you and how is this happening daily? is it your parents?

unless you're one of those MGTOW dudes i don't see why anyone would care.

Reply 5

username3527766

15

I think most people go through a period where they just cant see anything other than their current life situation. I really disliked children and disapproved of the notion of marriage in my early 20's yet 25 years later here I am with 3 children and a husband. I was 30 before I had my first child. I just woke up 1 day and wondered what Im doing. If my partner died I would be left with absolutely nothing and no-one else in my life at all. I felt I didnt want to be left alone like that. Once I'd had my 1st it just clicked this was exactly what I'd wanted all along. However I do have a sibling who isnt married and doesnt have children through choice. And shes now thinking actually its something she has no experience of, that might have been nice and shes left it too late to do anything about it. Shes now turned into a crazy cat lady with a dozen cats. Its not easy being a parent, in fact its the most difficult thing I've ever done but I couldn't now imagine my life without my children or husband. Go out there and do your own thing, have lots of fun and in 10 years time you might sit down and say, I like being on my own and I dont want to have to share that with anyone else, or you might say, actually I'd like to add something to my life and maybe thats a child. Both are right, none are wrong.

Reply 6

-Eirlys-

Debate & Current Affairs Helper

21

Original post by DrRyanClarke

I get judged pretty much daily for being upfront about not seeing a wife and kids in my future, it’s just not who I am.

There seems to be some social stigma around this still.

What’s your opinion on it?

Hey! I've never wanted children either and I have written about issues I have with people and trying to get across the many reasons why someone doesn't want children and that it is a choice at the end of the day. I felt backed into a corner until I found online communities of like-minded people. They provide answers to the stupid ignorant remarks/questions people ask you and even studies about child-free people and parents which counteract what people tell us, including many people who regret having children. It gives me a place to vent and somewhere I can be accepted, so I'd recommend checking them out:

Private FB group
Reddit community

I don't think people realise just how often CF people are criticised about it or made to feel lesser because they don't have children.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 7

-Eirlys-

Debate & Current Affairs Helper

21

Original post by Joleee

who's judging you and how is this happening daily? is it your parents?

unless you're one of those MGTOW dudes i don't see why anyone would care.

You'd be surprised at how often we receive back handed comments or our decision isn't at all respected.

Original post by MadamePompadour

I think most people go through a period where they just cant see anything other than their current life situation. I really disliked children and disapproved of the notion of marriage in my early 20's yet 25 years later here I am with 3 children and a husband. I was 30 before I had my first child. I just woke up 1 day and wondered what Im doing. If my partner died I would be left with absolutely nothing and no-one else in my life at all. I felt I didnt want to be left alone like that. Once I'd had my 1st it just clicked this was exactly what I'd wanted all along. However I do have a sibling who isnt married and doesnt have children through choice. And shes now thinking actually its something she has no experience of, that might have been nice and shes left it too late to do anything about it. Shes now turned into a crazy cat lady with a dozen cats. Its not easy being a parent, in fact its the most difficult thing I've ever done but I couldn't now imagine my life without my children or husband. Go out there and do your own thing, have lots of fun and in 10 years time you might sit down and say, I like being on my own and I dont want to have to share that with anyone else, or you might say, actually I'd like to add something to my life and maybe thats a child. Both are right, none are wrong.

So you had children because you feared being alone? Genuine CF people do not have that fear as they don't want children at all, something many people really can't grasp, clearly. It is not about not thinking about children and deciding one day to have them, CF people have indeed thought about children in a lot more depth than many parents have, which is partly why they choose not to have them. One thing CF people don't like are parents trying to tell them that you changed your mind so they will too, but everyone is different and you were never a CF person if your mind could be changed over night. It's also pretty insulting to assume that because your sibling doesn't have children, it turned her into a crazy cat lady. Many CF people live exciting and fulfilling lives and their sanity stays in tact. :colonhash:

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 8

PhilanderingBum

15

Original post by DrRyanClarke

I get judged pretty much daily for being upfront about not seeing a wife and kids in my future, it’s just not who I am.

There seems to be some social stigma around this still.

What’s your opinion on it?

A lot of people, especially women, are triggered by my reservations on marriage. They try to suggest I'm sexist. I think it's perfectly rational given the numerous horror stories of men being screwed over by vengeful spouses.

If I did everything society expected of me, I'd be miserable.

I'm not completely opposed to marriage but it isn't on my list of priorities. It's entirely dependent on the women I encounter in the future.

Reply 9

alexschmalex

19

Daily? You're around the wrong people if it's literally every day they have something to say about it. I can't wait to have kids but I definitely don't give a flying firetruck if other people don't, it's none of my business/doesn't affect me life at all. Get new friends who can mind their own business

Reply 10

Claire461

21

There is nothing worse than unwanted children. My mother was married at 14 in rural Ireland. She came from a strict Roman Catholic background. She didn’t want so many children and couldn’t cope. She had 16 children and we all ended up in care and we paid the price for it.
I have 7 children and they were all planned and wanted. Not all of my children have children - some wanted them, some didn’t.
I never interfere.

Reply 11

dartagnankillian

19

Thing is, even if you change your mind in the end, the other person gains nothing by telling you ‘you’ll change your mind’ etc. Like nothing good comes of that. Nobody’s gonna hear that and say ‘huh, you’re right’. All they’re gonna do is get pissed because you’re acting like you know them better than themselves and that their opinion is invalid. So even if they change their mind, why say it? Idiots 🌝 not every wants the same things out of life, they’re probably just regretting their choices and are trynna feel better about themselves 🤷🏽*♀️

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 12

Little Popcorns

21

Original post by DrRyanClarke

I get judged pretty much daily for being upfront about not seeing a wife and kids in my future, it’s just not who I am.

There seems to be some social stigma around this still.

What’s your opinion on it?

Who is managing to judge you every day for this?

Reply 13

xEmilyxx

17

I've never related to a post more in my life. I'm not quite sure about marriage, but I definitely cannot see kids in my future and I knew I definitely wouldn't the moment when my ex confronted me and asked if I'm ever likely going to change my mind and I told him no. I don't get how having children makes people happy. The world is overpopulated as it is so there is no point in me having children that I don't really want.

I hate people who tell me I'll change my mind when I get older. I'd love to get permanently sterilized to prove a point but doctors aren't often willing to do that to 18 year olds for the same mindset that a previous poster has - that I'll change my mind when I get older.

Reply 14

Randyyy

15

Who asks you on a daily basis if you want kids and to settle down.

If it's anyone other than your partner just say 'i dont know yet', don't give them a reason to moan

Reply 15

DrRyanClarke

OP

12

Hey guys thanks for the responses.

Mostly colleagues at work, it seems to be the topic or conversation lately ( Small office), Parents and friends too etc.

I despise the little shits but obviously just say i’m not an aspiring father

Reply 16

username4180784

1

I feel like in this day and age, most of us are feeling the same. I honestly can’t even imagine having a family and everything but my mum would want me to thing about it more. It means a lot to her. For me, culturally and religiously it is a good thing. The more I think about having a family though, the more I feel like what life would be in the future. I don’t want my family line to end. It seems sad. I also want a family to care for me as I care for my mum. It’s important if you think about it. I don’t know. I just feel like when I’m older, I’ll miss out on something nice.

Reply 17

Tiger Rag

22

It says more about them than you.

Reply 18

Joleee

19

Original post by DrRyanClarke

Hey guys thanks for the responses.

Mostly colleagues at work, it seems to be the topic or conversation lately ( Small office), Parents and friends too etc.

I despise the little shits but obviously just say i’m not an aspiring father

it's bizarre that your colleagues and friends would ask you about this more than once. i mean if the cat is out of the bag, what's left to talk about. are you deliberately engaging in these conversations in the hopes of debating them? maybe that's the problem.

Reply 19

DrRyanClarke

OP

12

Original post by Joleee

it's bizarre that your colleagues and friends would ask you about this more than once. i mean if the cat is out of the bag, what's left to talk about. are you deliberately engaging in these conversations in the hopes of debating them? maybe that's the problem.

No nothing like that.

Like Wednesday morning for example I joined them for lunch and one literally said “Changed your mind about kids yet”

They literally seek it out.

Judged everyday for not wanting a family.

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