Muslim and telling parents I want to marry boyfriend

OP

Original post by ANM775

I wouldn't like to be in your shoes lol

When telling them make sure you have a clear route to the nearest exit [just in case]

Lol I plan on only telling mum first

Reply 4

just don't tell them. its not gonna work.

Reply 5

OP

Original post by rasputshealthbar

Oh my god you’re freshly 18 and trying to cuff a 23 year old. That’s sus.

And sure, it’s your life. I don’t, for the life of me, understand why, even though you’re living in a country with countless opportunities for HE and other pursuits/work for women, you choose to throw it all away for marriage at an age where your brain hasn’t even fully developed. Maybe your parents might be able to set you straight or maybe they’re the type who want you off their backs and pushing out children by 20. Honestly don’t know, but wishing you the best.

I get what you're saying, but if things go well I still plan on going Uni next year. I'm not compromising anything by being with him or marrying him x P.s I'm 19 in March :smile:

Reply 6

OP

Original post by Rainfall

just don't tell them. its not gonna work.

Why do you say that ? I haven't done anything like sexual with him. And he's a good guy. I was hoping to make it seem more casual than rather say we are actually in a relationship

Reply 7

Zasty

19

sex him on the doormat

Reply 8

Original post by Rina31

Why do you say that ? I haven't done anything like sexual with him. And he's a good guy. I was hoping to make it seem more casual than rather say we are actually in a relationship

is he muslim? well you both were in a haram relatonship so he isnt rlly good influence is he

Reply 9

rasputshealthbar

14

Original post by Rina31

I get what you're saying, but if things go well I still plan on going Uni next year. I'm not compromising anything by being with him or marrying him x P.s I'm 19 in March :smile:

That’s a relief. Sorry if I came off a bit too harsh but I know way too many girls who’ve thrown away their lives for a deadbeat guy (got a Muslim parent and that side of the community/whatever accepts extremely young marriage) so I get pretty sus when it comes to these kinda things. Yas get that degree

Reply 10

ANM775

20

Original post by Rainfall

is he muslim? well you both were in a haram relatonship so he isnt rlly good influence is he

She should film coming clean to them on a hidden camera, and put it on youtube .. then monitize the vid

it will get into the 6 figures in terms of views. Trust....

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

my friends is in a very similar situation to you. But hey it worked in her case and they are getting engaged soon.
For it to work he must propose to the family or you must introduce him to them. at least that what happens in most cultures
It obvs depends on the guy and what your parents will think but if you can get your mum/father/sibling on your side first it will help aruging your case

Reply 12

Original post by ANM775

She should film coming clean to them on a hidden camera, and put it on youtube .. then monitize the vid

it will get into the 6 figures in terms of views. Trust....

pls stop quoting me.

Reply 13

OP

Original post by rasputshealthbar

That’s a relief. Sorry if I came off a bit too harsh but I know way too many girls who’ve thrown away their lives for a deadbeat guy (got a Muslim parent and that side of the community/whatever accepts extremely young marriage) so I get pretty sus when it comes to these kinda things. Yas get that degree

I get what you mean. I've messed about before with guys and got caught, which obviously didn't go well with parents. So I feel like my mum would be relieved if I say I want to get married. Because I always joke about getting married at 25.

I want to tell my mum and hopefully my bf's mum comes to our house to speak and then tell my dad. It's just really hard because I didn't go uni this year so I'm at home all the time so it's extremely hard to see my bf. He says whenever I'm ready for marriage then we can tell our parents x

Reply 14

OP

Original post by Anonymous

my friends is in a very similar situation to you. But hey it worked in her case and they are getting engaged soon.
For it to work he must propose to the family or you must introduce him to them. at least that what happens in most cultures
It obvs depends on the guy and what your parents will think but if you can get your mum/father/sibling on your side first it will help aruging your case

I'm glad to hear that :smile:

I hope it works out for me too. As I've taken a gap year so I hardly see him, it's really hard. I think my mum will be okay with it, I'm just scared about my dad, as most of the time people in my family have had an arranged marriage :/

Reply 15

JustOneMoreThing

Spilling is unstoppable, like a hole in river dam.

Something tells me she may want to stop the spilling at some point.

Reply 16

waxdoll19

5

Original post by Rina31

I'm 18, I want to get married to my boyfriend but need advice on how to tell my parents.

I'm Muslim, dating isn't allowed. So I don't know how to tell them I have been dating him and I am ready to get married. He's 23, has a job and is a really nice guy!

Not sure what other details to add, but any advice or suggestions please?

Feels like you're the kind of 18 year old to want to rush into something with the first older guy with a job you see. I mean, most 18 year olds don't even know what they want to do with their lives, and you're talking about marriage?

And since he's 23, he could well be a non-committal f-boy exploiting you for his own benefits, and he might give it up even if you do manage to convince your parents. The thing is, because you're much younger, you're likely to have been easily led and you'll believe anything. The knowledge of who you can really trust only comes with life experience.

Also, your parents won't take it well, and I don't blame them. Hiding things from family isn't a good first step when it comes to laying the foundations for a new relationship, and things like that could form trust issues between you and the guy as well as you and your family.

If I were you I'd do three things:

1) Cut off the relationship and wait for a time where you're more mature, educated and your thoughts aren't affected by the process of puberty. Yes, he might be nice and might have a job, but so do many other guys - and you're at an age where you don't know what's good for you.

2) Consider where you want to go in terms of your ambitions in life.

3) In a few years, once you've got more life experience and are well on your way to your goals, find a like-minded guy who you can settle down with.

Remember: marriage is about equals - and in this case you two are anything but equals.

All the best :smile:

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 17

OP

Original post by Rainfall

is he muslim? well you both were in a haram relatonship so he isnt rlly good influence is he

Yeah, he's Muslim. He's wanted to do stuff but has respected that I don't agree with it just yet and he's waiting on me for marriage I wouldn't say he's a bad influence

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rina31

I'm glad to hear that :smile:

I hope it works out for me too. As I've taken a gap year so I hardly see him, it's really hard. I think my mum will be okay with it, I'm just scared about my dad, as most of the time people in my family have had an arranged marriage :/

Arranged marriages are due to cultural influence. You can argue your case Islamically and say that Islam encourages love marriages

Reply 19