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How many of you in relationships have kissed someone else?

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I'm not actually sure how old this post is but I'm gonna say it anyway.

I was recently in the same situation. We were having a few problems and I went out with my friends. I ended up kissing one of my closest friends. I guess I was just seeking the affection and closeness that I wasn't getting at home.

Not that that is any excuse.

I told him straight away as lying would have made the situation worse. It took him a bit of time but he forgave me and chose to carry on with our relationship.

That being said however I still punish myself for it today, and probably will for a long time.

The moral of my ramblings are if it was a genuine mistake and you're genuinely sorry you should find a way to figure it out. However don't let your new paranoia (because who could blame them for doing the same) ruin the very relationship that it would have taken a lot of guts for them to carry on with.

Reply 61

Rum Ham

Been with my bf for 6 years and haven't kissed anyone else since. I've had a few male friends try to kiss me while we have been together but managed to stop it before they touched me.

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Reply 62

Dheorl

I did. Told her, although a while after the fact. She forgave me and we moved on.

The fact that I went back to my girlfriends that night and whilst I slept apparently hugged her so tight she could barely breath I think helped.

Reply 63

Sam3081

This happened to me. My friend told me thought and I confronted him. He said they just kissed.( I knew the girl, had to work with her, although not when I found out. I remember her even telling me she had kissed someone, found out it was my boufriend. What a *****). i felt like my heart had been shattered. I then got back with him and we have been married for a 14 years and have 2 children. It still goes round in my mind, what exactly happened that night. I hate it and most of the time I feel like I shouldn't have got back together with him. It still makes me cry and keeps me up some nights.

Reply 64

Bethstocking

If you loved her you wouldn't cheat on her simple as you guys know the outcome of drinking so can't use that as an excuse! If your going to mound yourself in such bad habits then expect to be ****ed over, you ain't worth keeping her she's meant for someone better who doesn't lie to her or kiss someone else behind her back whatever the reason I really hope she finds out because what goes round comes round today you kissed someone else waiting for the day when she herself cheats back on you and your clueless yourself then you'll realise how it feels you can't save a broken relationship once boundaries have been crossed

Reply 65

Anonymous #6

I wasn't in this situation but I know someone who this has happened to. The girlfriend and the boyfriend are both close friends of my boyfriend, and what happened was really *****y. The (now ex) boyfriend is still obviously negatively affected by this - he's become a much more irrational person now.

The girlfriend and my boyfriend were at a friend's party, to which the girlfriend apparently got drunk (and presumably high as well), resulting in her kissing another guy (her ex-boyfriend) at the party. Now, I don't know if this was a quick peck on the lips, or a full-blown make-out, but it was a *****y action regardless; the alcohol doesn't excuse it. Even the guy she kissed had a girlfriend at the time, and I'm pretty sure they've expressed interest in getting back together before, which makes the action seem less of an "oops I was drunk" and more of a subconscious process.

My boyfriend was there when it happened, and you can clearly tell he immediately didn't know what to do. The girlfriend pleaded for him not to tell her boyfriend, insisting that it was a drunken mistake. My boyfriend decides to not tell her boyfriend despite being somewhat close with him, but instead decides to drop hints as he is concerned about the possible mental health of the boyfriend if he were to tell him what happened. This of course makes me upset as I felt it was unfair to hide this from the boyfriend, and he deserved to know the truth, but I somewhat understood that my boyfriend didn't want the guy's mental health to be on the line.

One week goes by and the girlfriend breaks up with her boyfriend, giving no explanation other than "We want different things in life." The boyfriend spirals down to depression, thinking that her lack of explanation meant that something was wrong with him, or that he wasn't enough for her. Dude was devastated. He just didn't understand why their split was so abrupt, and the whole time he was blaming himself and thinking he was worthless. While I do think that at times he said things and acted irrationally, you could tell the vague split got to him and his mind trailed to all places.

Another week passes and the ex-boyfriend finds out - not through his ex-girlfriend, but through a mutual friend who wasn't at the party - that his ex-girlfriend cheated on him at the party. He was absolutely distraught and outraged, he couldn't even piece together his thoughts properly. All this time, she had cheated on him, given a vague explanation for their separation, leading him to believe that he was inadequate and that he lacked a certain element in the relationship.

She didn't even apologise to him. She merely told him that they weren't in a relationship anymore, it didn't matter because she was drunk, and that she didn't regret her choice. Essentially, she called him irrational for his reaction to her cheating.

It doesn't matter if you're drunk or not. It is cheating either way. If you get so drunk that you make questionable decisions when under the influence and are aware of this, then the solution is to drink less or eventually stop drinking altogether. It's easier said than done, but it's not like she's an alcoholic - as far as I know, she only drinks at parties.

That being said, I think it's extremely important to tell your partner when something like this happens. Their reactions may vary depending on their individual differences; some may be willing to continue the relationship knowing it was a drunken mistake and see that you are genuinely remorseful, or some may not want to continue the relationship on the basis that you are responsible for your own actions. Either way, I think a person owes it to their partner to tell them if they have cheated whilst drunk. If they do hide the truth, eventually it will catch up with them, and could be more damaging than telling them upfront. A lot more people would be willing to forgive an honest person than someone who hides the truth.

Reply 66

ANM775

The right thing to do would be to tell them what you did and fess up, cheating from a moral standpoint is wrong.

I guess though the strategic thing to do would be to estimate the likelihood of her dumping you if you fess up, and the likelihood of her somehow finding out about it one day... and go with the option which gives you the least chance of being dumped.

or it might be best to "sorta" do the right thing ....but voluntarily tell her 6-12 months later during a time where the relationship is going great. You will gain some authenticity from telling her, and if you haven't strayed during the 6-12 month and relay that fact this will show that there is indeed a possibility this was a one off incident and you can be trusted again.

edit: or wait and tell her when she's 6 months pregnant with your kid, tell her and express remorse.

will she actually single mother herself during the most important part of her life?

-now that is a chess Maneuver and a half. Talk about moving your pieces into play ....That's some Kasparov sh*t right there...........

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 67

myrapickton

"I would never, ever kiss someone else. Even when you're drunk, you should still be able to determine whether it's a right or wrong thing to do. I hate the "But I was drunk!" excuse. Eurgh.
And I'd want to know. I agree with xmarilynx"

I really don't think you've been drunk enough. Things like that happen and you can't think clearly enough to be like "No, this is wrong!"

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 68

sidorov

Original post by Anonymous

Just a curiousity question, after recently a friend was going through problems with his long term girlfriend and got very very drunk and ended up kissing someone else.

He's not told his girlfriend and doesn't intend to. as they've sorted out their problems and are apparently very much in love again. I agree with him really that this is probably the right course of action, you can tell when speaking to him that he feels awful and regrets it very much, and he thinks telling her would only cause unnecessary upset, considering the whole circumstances going on.

I tend to agree with him, but another of our friends thinks he should definitely tell her, which prompted quite some discussion between us.

Just wondering what people on TSRs opinions were of the situation and if anyone here has done the same thing or been in a similiar situation?