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Had an abortion - boyfriend found out!

Rucklo

I'm fine with that opinion providing you agree men should not have to pay when they get no say over someone having there kid if they do not wish too.

i totally agree with that, im all for blokes not having to pay if he doesnt want the kid and the woman does and tbh i think its disgusting the bloke has to pay

Reply 441

Bslforever

15

Pink Bullets

...Because she was the only person whose physical safety was at risk. :rolleyes:

There was no risk of him being harmed by not knowing about her abortion.
There was a risk of her being harmed.

Got that?

Love the way you are ignoring the harm to the worthless bundle of cells sitting in her womb.

Reply 442

Sophistress

Rucklo

If she wants the kid, she should pay, by not aborting it she should accept she has the financial capability to not have it.

If it's not a man's decision to have it and isn't part of him then what the **** is he paying for it for?

Because somebody has to pay for it. If it isn't the father, it's going to be the taxpayer.

Reply 443

Pink Bullets

15

Bslforever

Love the way you are ignoring the harm to the worthless bundle of cells sitting in her womb.

If we're going to bring the cells into the picture, then they would have likely suffered far more if she had had the baby and given it away to her abusive ex-boyfriend. People with abusive tendencies usually don't make good parents, unsurprisingly.

Reply 444

tinktinktinkerbell

16

Sophistress

No I don't agree. Who should pay for the child then, for the sake of fairness? The taxpayer? That's even less "fair" since the taxpayer is in no way responsible for the conception of the child.

So where does "fairness" leave the child? Starving in the gutter?

Unfortunately, biology isn't fair.

the mother should have to pay

Reply 445

Sophistress

Bslforever

No. She selfishly chose the option that was least likely to cause HER harm. Not someone. Her.

Well, of course. I don't find that remotely shocking.

Reply 446

Sophistress

tinktinktinkerbell

the mother should have to pay

Which is never the case. The taxpayer always picks up the bill. Welcome to Britain.

Reply 447

Rucklo

14

Sophistress

Because somebody has to pay for it. If it isn't the father, it's going to be the taxpayer.

Ah so it's ok to dump someone to pay for something they have not had the choice over?

No thats stupid.

Abort it if you can't afford it.

Reply 448

tinktinktinkerbell

16

Sophistress

Which is never the case. The taxpayer always picks up the bill. Welcome to Britain.

i know, also in britain the father has to pay whether he wants it or not, doesnt make it right though

Reply 449

Sophistress

Rucklo

Ah so it's ok to dump someone to pay for something they have not had the choice over?

No thats stupid.

Abort it if you can't afford it.

It's not about whether it's "ok" or whether it's "fair". Somebody has to pay for the child. Did I, the taxpayer, have any choice over the child's conception and birth? I had less choice than the father, who chose to have sex. If I'm going to pay some of my taxes towards supporting children (which I don't mind doing), then he can certainly be expected to do the same.

Reply 450

Rucklo

14

Sophistress

It's not about whether it's "ok" or whether it's "fair". Somebody has to pay for the child. Did I, the taxpayer, have any choice over the child's conception and birth? I had less choice than the father, who chose to have sex. If I'm going to pay some of my taxes towards supporting children (which I don't mind doing), then he can certainly be expected to do the same.

Yeah the mother who decided to have it should pay.

If she can't it should be taken into care and given to someone who can.

Or ideally not have it.

Reply 451

Caffienated Muse

What's with all the anti abortion stuff? You've all been watching way too much Hollywood.

Having a baby whether she gets it adopted at the end, would be hell. I mean, she's what? How old? Studying to do and she'll end up with lumps, bumps and third degree tearing. You know if we could magically get the guy to carry the sack of cells (That's all it is, sounds like she had the abortion pretty early) then fine, yeah, bad choice. But you know what, she's the one who'll have to carry the sack-of-cells for 9 months, go through pain pain pain and a lot of misery.

And if she did tell teh guy? What then? He'd tie her up again for 9 months to stop her getting an abortion? Lock her in and go ape **** even more? That's not a good situation and she did the best she could. Give her a break, it's not your sack-of-cells.

Anyhow, OP, ignore the abuse you're getting on here. You had a **** situation and you did what you could with it. I'd say tell a close friend what's going on, especially if he's likely to go more ape than he has already. Change the locks, how do you feel about telling the police?

Reply 452

lp6978

1. Two people are responsible for creating a baby. If it's carried to term, it's both of their financial responsibilities.
2. ONE person carries it, with all the health implications attached. She has the right to decide whether or not her body is going to go through the physical demands of labour, but ONLY at a stage before viability when the fetus is entirely dependent on her for survival. It sucks for potential fathers, true, but we couldn't have it any other way. If it was the father's choice... what if a man forced his partner to carry an unwanted child to term and she died in childbirth? Murder? Could a rapist demand his victim gave birth to his child? Too many issues.
3. If 2 weren't the case and embryos were all grown to term in test tubes, both parents would have equal rights, with precedent going to the parent who does NOT want the embryo. See:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/5984536/Woman-cancer-survivor-told-she-cannot-keep-frozen-embryos.html

But it is. It's the woman's body and the woman's choice. Unfair, perhaps, but still the fairest option going.

Everything else is hypothetical.

Reply 453

Tw1x

21

tinktinktinkerbell

any any half decent bloke wouldnt tie up his gf to stop her from leaving, a decent man would let her go and be happy

It cant have traumatized her that much if she is/was still messing him about...
Sounds like she either likes the attention, or is just exaggerating.

Reply 454

tinktinktinkerbell

16

Tw1x

It cant have traumatized her that much if she is/was still messing him about...
Sounds like she either likes the attention, or is just exaggerating.

she wasnt messing him about, she cant help it if he feels for her more than she does for him

Reply 455

missygeorgia

18

Bslforever

Of course. In a state of extreem turmoil and stress he should have self control. However that state of stress was induced by her. He was put in that position by her. He should have reacted better, but the need for self control would not have existed without her. He takes most of the blame, but she is not blameless.

No, they were both responsible for the situation. Her getting pregnant was equally as much his fault as hers, and so his own anguish is his own fault. He knew that if she got pregnant she would be well within her rights to have an abortion, and if he couldn't handle that he should have been super careful with contraception, or broken up with her. He only has himself to blame for his distress.

Reply 456

Anonymous #1

OP

Hey

Reply 457

Anonymous #1

OP

Hey

I am absolutely flabbergasted there are over 400 posts – I didn’t expect such a reaction.

I would just like to firstly point out that those one or two posters who think I’m a ‘troll’ because I haven’t posted in a while are false. I haven’t posted in a while because I work 12 hour shifts and sometimes I’m too tired to check in after work. But today, however, I’ve made the effort to read ALL the posts and am now commenting.

I fully accepted this too turn in to an anti-abortion debate and would just like to thank those who defended me such as Sophistress, tinkertinkerbell, pinkbullet (no surprise they’re all girls lol much appreciated) against all those who are calling me a murderer, I killed a baby – I don’t give a **** about what you think. I made a decision what I felt was best for everyone – I can’t take care of a baby and I did what I felt best and I sure as hell don’t regret it.

Reading all the posts has been in some ways a wake up call and very therapeutic as it opened my eyes as to how toxic our relationship is particularly Meus’s post.
My ex and I have a very complicated history and it’s quite private and personal but all I will say the relationship is very “love/hate” like. We were each other’s first serious relationship – we met at college when we were 16/17 and immediately fell for each other. Over the years as we moulded into adults our relationship became very rocky – him being very possessive and our relationship for him become solely based on obsessive love me on the other hand I became as some people call me a ‘cold-hearted bitch’ and realised I didn’t want such a serious relationship and felt claustrophobic and suffocated. However every time we would break up he would promise things would change and I would take him back, sometimes out of sympathy sometimes out of love. But then a couple of months later we would break up and then we would be back at square one all over again – however this time I didn’t expect to get pregnant.

Anyway I don’t want to call the police as I think that would be stabbing him in the back while he is down and make things worse. I managed to clear up all the mess he created with the help of my best friend and he offered to stay with me for a few weeks. I haven’t heard anything of him since the incident and I’m worried he may do something stupid like harm himself (he has done so in the past). I’ve tried calling his parents and friends but they haven’t heard anything either.

I haven’t tried ringing him and I don’t know whether I should. My best friend thinks I should cut all contact and by ringing him I may start “it” all up again.

Reply 458

Bslforever

15

Pink Bullets

If we're going to bring the cells into the picture, then they would have likely suffered far more if she had had the baby and given it away to her abusive ex-boyfriend. People with abusive tendencies usually don't make good parents, unsurprisingly.

Oh you're so right! We should kill the potential baby so that it never suffers. Come to think of it, its a big bad world out there and im sure to experience my suffering. It would probably be best to kill myself right now then.

Reply 459

Bslforever

15

missygeorgia

No, they were both responsible for the situation. .....blah blah blah..... He only has himself to blame for his distress.

...Say what?

Had an abortion - boyfriend found out!

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