Parents and far away uni's

Hi

Basically, my parents arent happy with my uni choice as its roughly 4 hours away (3 hours on the train) and they keep discouraging me from going there when in all honesty, it just makes me want to go to the uni even more.

Me and my parents get on very well, they hardly ever punish me and my sisters always get jelous at the amount of attention i got when i was a kid as I am the youngest. I think my parents still see me as a kid as I dont really go out.

Also I dont think they see me as independent as my parents got my sisters to do most of the chores as I'm "the boy". Tbh i find that quite annoying as I feel I should have done at least some housework and its kinda sexist that they think only girls should do housework but I digress.

I think there fine with idea of me moving away but they want me to go to a university which is closer but the thing is, the universities that are closer to me are good but there not as good as the uni that's far away. Also I've been there and I liked the university and I thought it was a nice place. However they just completely disregard it and say "we'll see when the time comes" or "what if you do better, you could go to a closer university". I have given them a list of reasons and they still wont accept that I want to go to this university.

Its not like I'll completely cut them out, I'll probably still ring my Mom fairly often and I've got unlimited minutes to Virgin mobiles so I wont have a problem with not having enough minutes etc.

Sorry if this seems a bit disjointed but I tried to include everything to give an idea of what the situation is. Oh I almost forgot one crucial thing that will explain a lot; I'm Indian <dramatic Indian serial music>dura drua durra </>.

Reply 1

thetopnotch

16

Anonymous

Hi

Basically, my parents arent happy with my uni choice as its roughly 4 hours away (3 hours on the train) and they keep discouraging me from going there when in all honesty, it just makes me want to go to the uni even more.

Me and my parents get on very well, they hardly ever punish me and my sisters always get jelous at the amount of attention i got when i was a kid as I am the youngest. I think my parents still see me as a kid as I dont really go out.

Also I dont think they see me as independent as my parents got my sisters to do most of the chores as I'm "the boy". Tbh i find that quite annoying as I feel I should have done at least some housework and its kinda sexist that they think only girls should do housework but I digress.

I think there fine with idea of me moving away but they want me to go to a university which is closer but the thing is, the universities that are closer to me are good but there not as good as the uni that's far away. Also I've been there and I liked the university and I thought it was a nice place. However they just completely disregard it and say "we'll see when the time comes" or "what if you do better, you could go to a closer university". I have given them a list of reasons and they still wont accept that I want to go to this university.

Its not like I'll completely cut them out, I'll probably still ring my Mom fairly often and I've got unlimited minutes to Virgin mobiles so I wont have a problem with not having enough minutes etc.

Sorry if this seems a bit disjointed but I tried to include everything to give an idea of what the situation is. Oh I almost forgot one crucial thing that will explain a lot; I'm Indian <dramatic Indian serial music>dura drua durra </>.

You've said that you're the youngest and that you did not do many chores. It seems like because you're the youngest out of your siblings maybe your parents are more being more protective. It could also be the case they don't want to see their youngest child leave home. This may change as you get closer to going to uni. I'm going to a uni that's quite far away from home. My parents wanted me to go to a closer uni but they did come round to the idea eventually.

Reply 2

laeof

14

Anonymous

Hi

Basically, my parents arent happy with my uni choice as its roughly 4 hours away (3 hours on the train) and they keep discouraging me from going there when in all honesty, it just makes me want to go to the uni even more.

Me and my parents get on very well, they hardly ever punish me and my sisters always get jelous at the amount of attention i got when i was a kid as I am the youngest. I think my parents still see me as a kid as I dont really go out.

Also I dont think they see me as independent as my parents got my sisters to do most of the chores as I'm "the boy". Tbh i find that quite annoying as I feel I should have done at least some housework and its kinda sexist that they think only girls should do housework but I digress.

I think there fine with idea of me moving away but they want me to go to a university which is closer but the thing is, the universities that are closer to me are good but there not as good as the uni that's far away. Also I've been there and I liked the university and I thought it was a nice place. However they just completely disregard it and say "we'll see when the time comes" or "what if you do better, you could go to a closer university". I have given them a list of reasons and they still wont accept that I want to go to this university.

Its not like I'll completely cut them out, I'll probably still ring my Mom fairly often and I've got unlimited minutes to Virgin mobiles so I wont have a problem with not having enough minutes etc.

Sorry if this seems a bit disjointed but I tried to include everything to give an idea of what the situation is. Oh I almost forgot one crucial thing that will explain a lot; I'm Indian <dramatic Indian serial music>dura drua durra </>.

Do what you want to do :smile:

. You're the one who has to go to the university after all...and you dont want to come out bitter if you've gone somewhere you didn't want to and had a bad time :frown:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

hmm, i know its my decision, its just I want my parents to understand that its my decision and that I will be ok on my own at university. I think because my sister used to get quite homesick they think that the same thing will happen to me.

Reply 4

WhySoLimey

12

go to the uni thats best for you, not best for your parents.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

WhySoLimey

go to the uni thats best for you, not best for your parents.

I understand that and I will go to the university I want but its more a question of how do I get my parents to accept it. I dont want them to try and stop me from going to university or upset them or anything although i guess its inevitable that they will miss me.

Reply 6

Draculara

4

i have a friend whos in her third year of uni now and when we were at school her parents really wanted her to go to uni in london where they lived. she wanted to go to nottingham. Now her and her family are muslim pakistanis and she is the only girl so they were always more protective/strict with her with regards to staying at peoples houses etc than her brothers (even though one was younger). So its kind of similar to you as in she is singled out coz shes the only girl and you're singled out coz you're the only boy and the youngest.

so anyway, she just applied for the unis she wanted and like your parents they kept on saying 'we'll see when the time comes' and she got in to nottingham and accepted her place there. her dad kept saying 'when you start you can just transfer to london' (not that it really works like that :tongue:

) and she just kept sort of humouring them but at the same time saying she really wanted to go to nottingham and stay there. So she went to nottingham and her parents got used to it and accepted it in the end.

so what im kind of saying is if you keep on putting your parents off saying we'lll see etc then once you're there they will get used to the idea. and if you can put it off long enough there will come a point where its too late to do anything about it and they'll just have to accept it!

which uni is it you want to go to? also you should bring them up there with you so they can see where you're going to live and all that so they feel more involved :smile:

Reply 7

d123

17

Stand your ground. I'm lucky in that my parents understand and accept that it's my decision, but in your position, I would just make it very clear that you want to go where you've chosen, and don't let them guilt trip you. Being firm and focussed is probably the best way for them to accept it.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Draculara

--snip--
so what im kind of saying is if you keep on putting your parents off saying we'lll see etc then once you're there they will get used to the idea. and if you can put it off long enough there will come a point where its too late to do anything about it and they'll just have to accept it!

which uni is it you want to go to? also you should bring them up there with you so they can see where you're going to live and all that so they feel more involved :smile:

thats a pretty good idea, although I know that they'll keep trying to convince me not to go. I'm actually from the West Midlands and I want to go to the university of Newcastle. I've already been to the admissions day and when I asked them to go, they weren't too keen on travelling all the way to Newcastle on a Saturday and they were going somewhere on that day anyway.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

btw Thanks for all the support everyone!

d123

Stand your ground. I'm lucky in that my parents understand and accept that it's my decision, but in your position, I would just make it very clear that you want to go where you've chosen, and don't let them guilt trip you. Being firm and focussed is probably the best way for them to accept it.

Thats what I'm trying to do atm but they still seem a bit unsure about it. I just hope they learn to accept that it's the best place for me to go.

Reply 10

d123

17

Anonymous

btw Thanks for all the support everyone!

Thats what I'm trying to do atm but they still seem a bit unsure about it. I just hope they learn to accept that it's the best place for me to go.

Eventually I'm sure they will. To be honest, whether you are one hour away, three hours away, or seven hours away, you will still be living away from home and being independent. I guess because you're the youngest they probably just don't want to be left on their own, but they'll get used to it. Good luck and I hope you get to go to the uni you want :smile:

Reply 11

strawberry fields

13

mmm I've got a friend whose parents are like that, she's the youngest and I think they're a bit reluctant to see their little girl leave home. She's only 1 hour away from home and goes back to visit every few weeks. I think she's trying to visit less every term.
As someone who's 8 hours away from home at uni, I can't visit my parents all the time, but I'm fortunate in that they understand that part of the uni experience is getting away from home (usually) for the first time and learning to be independent.
You've gotta move away at some point.

Reply 12

RachaelS

9

Anonymous

Hi

Basically, my parents arent happy with my uni choice as its roughly 4 hours away (3 hours on the train) and they keep discouraging me from going there when in all honesty, it just makes me want to go to the uni even more.

Me and my parents get on very well, they hardly ever punish me and my sisters always get jelous at the amount of attention i got when i was a kid as I am the youngest. I think my parents still see me as a kid as I dont really go out.

Also I dont think they see me as independent as my parents got my sisters to do most of the chores as I'm "the boy". Tbh i find that quite annoying as I feel I should have done at least some housework and its kinda sexist that they think only girls should do housework but I digress.

I think there fine with idea of me moving away but they want me to go to a university which is closer but the thing is, the universities that are closer to me are good but there not as good as the uni that's far away. Also I've been there and I liked the university and I thought it was a nice place. However they just completely disregard it and say "we'll see when the time comes" or "what if you do better, you could go to a closer university". I have given them a list of reasons and they still wont accept that I want to go to this university.

Its not like I'll completely cut them out, I'll probably still ring my Mom fairly often and I've got unlimited minutes to Virgin mobiles so I wont have a problem with not having enough minutes etc.

Sorry if this seems a bit disjointed but I tried to include everything to give an idea of what the situation is. Oh I almost forgot one crucial thing that will explain a lot; I'm Indian <dramatic Indian serial music>dura drua durra </>.

Its ultimately your decision, its your life, your future, you need to make your parents understand that
I moved to the furthest away uni in scotland from me, mostly because i love the uni and also because of the distance, though my family are now moving up here because of my dads new job <----- fail! It wasnt intentional though lol
But yeah pick the uni you want

Reply 13

moomin_love

15

Anonymous

I understand that and I will go to the university I want but its more a question of how do I get my parents to accept it. I dont want them to try and stop me from going to university or upset them or anything although i guess its inevitable that they will miss me.

Maybe write a list of pros and cons for each University (the one you want to go to and the one you parents want you to go to), making sure that there are a lot more pros on the list you want to go to and a lot more cons on the list you don't want to go to and show your parents?

Did you apply to the closer uni and get accepted? If not mention how they'd have to fund you for another year, as you'd be forced to take a gap year and reapply. Also, if you're going away with friends at any point or something make the effort to ring your parents a lot to make sure they know that you'll keep in touch. This might reassure them?

My parents were upset when I chose my insurance because it's 4-5 hours away from where I live, but they said it's my choice and they don't want me to change it because of them, which is quite shocking considering I'm their only child and we're like all really close! lol. Maybe you could compromise and put your insurance Uni as a Uni that is closer if you applied to one? Although you're going to have to work your ass off to make sure you don't end up there!

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

what city do u come from?

Reply 15

alexs2602

22

Ok, OP, quick and simple answer? Get out of the house more(travelling by bus preferably), make yourself look more independent, it'll change their perceptions change about you and chances are make it easier for you to move away

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

moomin_love

Maybe write a list of pros and cons for each University (the one you want to go to and the one you parents want you to go to), making sure that there are a lot more pros on the list you want to go to and a lot more cons on the list you don't want to go to and show your parents?

Did you apply to the closer uni and get accepted? If not mention how they'd have to fund you for another year, as you'd be forced to take a gap year and reapply. Also, if you're going away with friends at any point or something make the effort to ring your parents a lot to make sure they know that you'll keep in touch. This might reassure them?

My parents were upset when I chose my insurance because it's 4-5 hours away from where I live, but they said it's my choice and they don't want me to change it because of them, which is quite shocking considering I'm their only child and we're like all really close! lol. Maybe you could compromise and put your insurance Uni as a Uni that is closer if you applied to one? Although you're going to have to work your ass off to make sure you don't end up there!

I've kinda done verbally, the uni is 14th on the list, its a good city, relatively cheap accommodation etc.

I'll try and mention that to them and I'll probably picked Leicester as my insurance so hopefully that will calm them a bit.

alexs2602

Ok, OP, quick and simple answer? Get out of the house more(travelling by bus preferably), make yourself look more independent, it'll change their perceptions change about you and chances are make it easier for you to move away

I could try that, although my sister (who was the youngest out of my 3 sisters) was quite outgoing but she got really homesick even though she went out a lot so I dunno if that will help...

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

*btw i meant my sister got really homesick at university and my sisters came down every 1 or 2 weeks so that doesn't really help. I dont think i'll be as homesick as I understand that there a phone call away and that I'll have to move out eventually.

Reply 18

domino0806

12

Hah, that's so weird, my mother told me not to go to UCL as it's too close to home.

To be honest, there isn't much your parents can do about it. You're an adult and if you like that course and uni best, and wouldn't be happy anywhere else, go there. Even if you were closer you wouldn't necessarily be home very often anyway, so it probably won't make a huge difference.
Just keep telling them how much you like the uni, make sure they know it's nothing personal. They still have loads of time to get used to the idea - maybe take them to see it? It might reassure them that it is a nice place.

Parents and far away uni's

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