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Boyfriend doesn't care

Been with my bf for nearly a year now and it is really getting me down at the mo. It seems to be me who makes the effort all the time....calling him etc, I'm home from uni at the mo (he's from where im at uni so is still down there) and I have been on the train to see him for a weekend but he is finding all sorts of excuses as to why he cant come and see me. To me all the clues point to the relationship reaching the end of its course but then when i say anything about how he feel he gets really annoyed and says im whingeing and even accuses me of not caring and wanted to end it??! Im very confused...if he wants to end it why doesn't he just finish me?? and why is he so bothered about me not caring when he clearly doesnt? (i obviously do care btw) sooo confusing :confused:

Reply 1

Mr.Bean

play more hard to get, he'll soon change tune. Act like you're not too bothered and that u'r having fun at home but subtly do it.

Reply 2

hugatree

11

Mr.Bean

play more hard to get, he'll soon change tune. Act like you're not too bothered and that u'r having fun at home but subtly do it.

Totally. Then if he still doesn't care he's probably no longer interested..

I agree.

OP

hmmm....i can do playing hard to get when i dont care very much but ive been with him now for almost a year and i do obviously care a hell of a lot for him but I suppose if i want to try and improve things i'll try

Reply 5

khil

15

The play hard to get advice - I totally disagree. It's simply damage your relationship further. There's no purpose to the game and it'll only risk him moving further away.

Don't tolerate such behaviour from him. I tolerated it from a good friend of mine for 3 years and now I've finally snapped and I don't consider him my friend anymore. It HURT - and he was just a good friend. I don't wanna imagine the bitterness and anger and hurt you'd feel if you wait for yourself to snap. Talk to him - he refuses to talk? - Cut him off. I say - dump him. You deserve better.

Reply 6

saz_1989

2

Send him an email and tell him to read it. That way he can't interrupt or hang up.

Reply 7

giddychick

OP

The thing is the more he acts like he doesn't care its turning me into some1 i dont want to be...i find that i dont believe him when he says hes been places or when he says he doesnt get msgs i sent..it could b true that he cant get time off work to come and see me but it all just seems too convenient. I think the logical thing would b to end it but i just cant help thinking that it might change and go back to how it was.

Reply 8

SsEe

13

My gf (of almost 2 years) was exactly like that with me recently. I always went over to her house and she said "it's meant to be the lad that does all that stuff". She also said she didn't want to go to mine at all. Then she wouldn't tell me why. In fact she wouldn't talk to me about anything. She was just being mean :p:

.
I said another girl really liked me thinking it would get her thinking "ooh... maybe I should stop acting weird" but she didn't change at all.
I finished with her last Friday.

Reply 9

Kura1984

2

I disagree with the 'play hard to get' scheme. This is just a mind game and it's just so unnecessary. It could back fire and really hurt the both of you even further.
It sounds to me like this guy is totally taking you for granted and he obviously doesn't see this relationship as worthy of the work needed to make it work.

If this is a bad as you say it is, and I was in the same situation, I would make a clean break. No more lies and excuses.

I did this very recently with a friend who was being very evasive with me and, in alot of ways the situation was the same (except that we were friends) until I got fed up with it all. I waited until I was rational and sent her an email (email is sometimes the best way to go because it is uninterrupted) explaining that I was not going to wait around for her.

It was polite and fair and it worked.

Reply 10

lou p lou

2

talk to him... i've had this my bf sometimes and i know he's mad about me, but he just doesn't realise that he has to make an effort (he's quite happy letting me organise what we do, when we see each other etc.)... but whne i talk to him about he does really try (for like a week then he goes back to his normal laid back self)

if he doesn't seem bothered when you talk to him about then i think you have to think seriously about where your relationship is going

lou xxx

Reply 11

_poptart_

2

giddychick

hmmm....i can do playing hard to get when i dont care very much but ive been with him now for almost a year and i do obviously care a hell of a lot for him but I suppose if i want to try and improve things i'll try

Seriously, im no expert on men's minds but in my experience if you tend to make too much effort they get put off?! Weird i know but in order for him to realise what youre worth youre gonna have to be more distant with him (not geographically lol) -then he'll be like "oh have i done something wrong?"
it might be just a phase, but hopefully as long as you make him realise how much youre worth, he'll soon change tune and make an effort with you!
Good luck :p:

Reply 12

jenniferH

i agree dont play hard 2get insted of makin it better it will just make u feel worse and there will be an even bigger gap between u. Tell him that its annoyin u and tell him that things need to be different if the relationship is going to continue. It doesnt sound like he wants it to end but sounds like he jus takes all the time and that isnt good for a relationship if one person is incharge, it needs to be mutual.

Reply 13

xXMessedUpXx

15

Try talking to him, it could be there are just things he as on his mind taht he needs to work through, or yes, it could be a sign this are going downhill. The exact same happened between me and my ex around the one year mark. it dragged on for another 6 months (i don't think either of us wanted to be the one to finish things). then he got sent to the US for 3 years ( he was in the RAF), and in a way i think it was a welcome change. We'd had a good time together but it had run it's course. After all there's no point flogging a dead horse.

Keep trying to talk to him but if you have to spell it out, his behaviour is worrying you, and you have a right to know where you stand. If he does finish things yes it will hurt, but at least you will know how he feels and where you stand.
No longer will you be stuck in limbo but you'll both be free to move on. i hope things can work out for you one way or another. :smile:

Reply 14

dpali

1

Ok there's nothing new that I can say so I'm going to reiterate the point.

Email him.

Be honest and begin from where the problems started. Make sure you seem understanding but firm...Because you don't want him to chicken out of telling you the truth (if there is anything).

Tell him how things work for you and give him a deadline.

If it continues, you should break it off. It's hard, probably because there's so much both of you have shared over the past year.

Tbh, you'll get over him if he keeps acting like an ass.

Good luck.

Reply 15

F. Poste

irisng

The play hard to get advice - I totally disagree. It's simply damage your relationship further. There's no purpose to the game and it'll only risk him moving further away.

I agree! There's no place for games in a relationship almost a year old.. playing hard to get is pointless when you already have each other! :p:

Reply 16

Duck and Cover

15

Dont play hard to get, thats a stupid thing that tarty girls do and u dont seem like one of those and I hate that sorta girl. I had exactly the same prob but i was in ur position, and she was the guy :rolleyes:

, and we just talked about it and everything worked out :biggrin:

Boyfriend doesn't care

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