Is being 'nice' defined as how you feel about things or how you act?

I think I have a very nasty personality (confirmed by my mum) but on the other hand I don't want to have. For example theres a girl who is very attractive, good at socialising and good at sport. My best thing Id say is sport and whenever Ive felt inferior Ive always thought well at least Im slim, fit and good at sport. Compared to her though Im utter rubbish yet she says shes bad at sport. Anyway I guess Im jelous of her although I dont show it and I hate seeing her succeed in things the way she celebrates after too secretly annoys me. But then I tell myself that being jelous will get me no where apart from being bitter and that its not her fault shes so good, I tell myself to stop being so nasty I then make an effort to praise her and be nice. But deep down the bitter feeling is still there.

Another thing is that you will all hate me for is with my 9 year old cousin he is so annoying on holidays etc I actually sometimes wish he would injure himself badly or something so he wouldnt be so annoying and cocky. Yet if he did then Id feel really sorry for him.

Its weird because I feel sorry for people who are worse off/unluckier than me yet I feel very jelous of people who are better off.

I can be very childish sometimes but I don't want to be like this I want to be one of those nice people who gets along with everyone and enjoys seeing people happy but my feelings just won't let me! I secretly feel at my happiest when someone fails because it makes me feel better.

Is there anyway I can change these feelings I mean how much does controlling thoughts change your feelings?

Also is a niceness defined as how you feel and want to act, or is it how you force yourself to act due to knowing you are wrong?

Reply 1

Real Talk

7

You seem like a bitch.

Enjoy life yo

If you have to force yourself to be nice then suttin in your life ain't right you're instantly nice when you're happy these things go hand in hand you shouldn't force yourself to be nice because thats fake.

Reply 2

HearTheThunder

17

Oh, good at sport, that's one of the central ideal traits for a human. :/ Attractiveness too... yeah.. it's not like personality, empathy and generosity or any of those stupid things matter.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Real Talk

You seem like a bitch.

Enjoy life yo

If you have to force yourself to be nice then suttin in your life ain't right you're instantly nice when you're happy these things go hand in hand you shouldn't force yourself to be nice because thats fake.

but I dont act like a b**** surely its better to be fake than to bring others down when its you with the problem?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

HearTheThunder

Oh, good at sport, that's one of the central ideal traits for a human. :/ Attractiveness too... yeah.. it's not like personality, empathy and generosity or any of those stupid things matter.

whats with the sarcasm?

Reply 5

HearTheThunder

17

Anonymous

whats with the sarcasm?

It's the fact that you're a very shallow person.

Reply 6

Real Talk

7

Anonymous

but I dont act like a b**** surely its better to be fake than to bring others down when its you with the problem?

That is true.

However you're obviously not happy with your life atm or you would just be naturally happy, like I said happyness and niceness come hand in hand. You need to find something that makes you happy then niceness will follow.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

HearTheThunder

It's the fact that you're a very shallow person.

Thats very judgemental, its not a fact. I think that most young people are shallow and place lots of importance on looks but Im not saying its true.

Reply 8

puddlejumper

2

It seems to me that you're just normal. As you get older you will develop the ability to smile even when you hate someone or appear happy to see someone succeed even if you wish they'd fallen over and broken both legs!

It's a veneer that people develop to help them smooze along in life. They feel the same things that you feel but they don't display it. The fact that you are aware of it shows that you are ready to learn to put a smile on your face even when you feel more like screaming.

Reply 9

_Ravi_

10

Anonymous

I can be very childish sometimes but I don't want to be like this I want to be one of those nice people who gets along with everyone and enjoys seeing people happy but my feelings just won't let me! I secretly feel at my happiest when someone fails because it makes me feel better.

I think that you're still a bit insecure about yourself... which is normal for a young person. Once you're really comfortable in your own skin and you set out your ambitions and goals and get motivated to do something with your life then you will probably find yourself happier, more secure and also acting nicer to other people and less jealous of them.

Most psychologists say that feelings follow actions and not actions follow feelings...

And one more useful thing is to surround yourself with people who are good friends and are the type of people who will always be there for you... and if you are surrounded by people who you love and they love you back then you won't feel how you feel.

I dunno why that just came into my head... who do I think I am Freud or something? lol

Is being 'nice' defined as how you feel about things or how you act?

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