My sister is ruining our family...

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
Okay, I don't even really know where to begin with this... Sorry, it may be long but please read if you have time and can advise me..

I know this might sound like an awful thing to say, but my sister is ruining my family and the situation at home is making me depressed. I now enjoy work more than home because it is always so stressful and my sister argues with everyone, everyday. And I don't mean a small argument, I mean screaming, eastenders-style arguments. She looks down on everyone else and is incredibly self-centered, takes advantage of both my parents and is very disrespectful and nasty to them. This then makes me fight with her often as I can't stand seeing her being so rude to my mum and dad, who do so much for her. What's worse is that whenever anyone tries to confront her about her behaviour, she makes out that my mum (or whoever it is) is being nasty to her or is "bored" of her or something. Whenever anyone picks her up on something bad she has done, she starts WAILING and crying and even literally screaming sometimes.

She clearly has a serious issue but she is so insensitive, manipulative and spiteful that I am finding it incredibley hard to be sympathetic with her as I have put up with this situation for so many years and am tired. She was a bully to me as a child and has been jealous and hateful towards me more and more over the years and it's effecting my life as well as the rest of my family. Even when I was diagnosed with a mental issue of my own (BDD) two years ago, she used it against me, calling me ugly and deliberately bringing it up to make me feel ashamed and I feel like she keeps being forgiven for everything and that it is just getting worse and worse! She is very sharp-tongued and has barely any empathy for others (when my grandad died all she did was make nasty comments about him since she didn't like him.) and yet my parents are allowing it to carry on since they are worried about upsetting her further.

She over-reacts to everything and one time even punched the screen of our famly laptop, breaking the screen which cost £180. She then refused to pay for it meaning my parents had to. We don't have much money but she seems not to care about my parents at all, as long as she can do what she wants.

I personally think she has multiple issues. She is VERY jealous of me (and my brother, but less so) and hates it when I achieve anything, but goes out of her way to talk about her own talents, and is very pretentious and deliberately talks in an elaborate way, and acts like everyone else is stupid. She is attention-seeking, jealous, heart-less and aggressive but at the same time seems to think she is a victim of everybody else (and I can assure you that is not the case.) making it difficult to pull her up on her behaviour.

We are both students so neither of us can move out as we have no money, but I honestly feel like I would rather never be home that put up with it. But it devastates me that all my family have to live in such a miserable and stressful environment (especially my younger brother who is still a child) and it makes me frustrated and angry to the point of tears.

What should I do? Or what do you think my mum should do? I know she should see someone for help but I don't know if she would go, and I don't think my mum is strong enough to make her go or to speak up if they were to go together.

Any advise is welcome and I hope this post hasn't sounded mean but she really is the cause of so many issues in my family and it is ruining our relationships and our time together. Nothing is fun or relaxing at home any more and it is like we are all under her control. I want to move out but even that would not help anything as I know my family would still be stuck in the same situation. I also doubt she will ever leave home as she is so dependant on my parents and is also bad at holding down jobs (too many days off etc) and snobby about taking "ordinary" jobs so I can't see how she will get a job at all, since she won't just walk into an amazing one.

I just want her to grow up and stop having tantrums and being jealous, and I want her to realise all the things my parents do for her rather than just pointing out the "bad" things, which are VERY often extremely exaggerated.

Any advice would be amazing. Or even if someone has a similar problem. Thanks.
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beccafairy
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#2
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i'm in a very similar situation. my sister literally never has a normal conversation with me or my mum - it's always in a demanding, argumentative or derogatory tone, usually shouting instead of speaking. if either of us say anything back she will have a tantrum, usually involving screaming and slamming things about so much in her room that the walls crack (we have them re-plastered regularly). what i feel needs to be done about this (and your situation) is more discipline - my parents are afraid that if they take her privileges away from her she'll go crazy, but them not doing anything means she sees nothing wrong with treating us this way. i'm assuming your parents are in the same situation? but it's better confronted than left as the situation won't change if it's ignored. plus she'll then realise all the things your parents do for her when they stop.

i also think it would be a good idea if, at any point, your sister is calm enough to have a chat, to sit her down with your mum and yourself so you can all talk in a calm manner about any issues you have, maybe go for a coffee for this so you won't be as inclined to raise voices - i know this wouldn't be possible with my sister though! counselling would also be an obvious option, if she would go.

good luck getting through this, i hope your sister comes around!
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jedi-master
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, I don't even really know where to begin with this... Sorry, it may be long but please read if you have time and can advise me..

I know this might sound like an awful thing to say, but my sister is ruining my family and the situation at home is making me depressed. I now enjoy work more than home because it is always so stressful and my sister argues with everyone, everyday. And I don't mean a small argument, I mean screaming, eastenders-style arguments. She looks down on everyone else and is incredibly self-centered, takes advantage of both my parents and is very disrespectful and nasty to them. This then makes me fight with her often as I can't stand seeing her being so rude to my mum and dad, who do so much for her. What's worse is that whenever anyone tries to confront her about her behaviour, she makes out that my mum (or whoever it is) is being nasty to her or is "bored" of her or something. Whenever anyone picks her up on something bad she has done, she starts WAILING and crying and even literally screaming sometimes.

She clearly has a serious issue but she is so insensitive, manipulative and spiteful that I am finding it incredibley hard to be sympathetic with her as I have put up with this situation for so many years and am tired. She was a bully to me as a child and has been jealous and hateful towards me more and more over the years and it's effecting my life as well as the rest of my family. Even when I was diagnosed with a mental issue of my own (BDD) two years ago, she used it against me, calling me ugly and deliberately bringing it up to make me feel ashamed and I feel like she keeps being forgiven for everything and that it is just getting worse and worse! She is very sharp-tongued and has barely any empathy for others (when my grandad died all she did was make nasty comments about him since she didn't like him.) and yet my parents are allowing it to carry on since they are worried about upsetting her further.

She over-reacts to everything and one time even punched the screen of our famly laptop, breaking the screen which cost £180. She then refused to pay for it meaning my parents had to. We don't have much money but she seems not to care about my parents at all, as long as she can do what she wants.

I personally think she has multiple issues. She is VERY jealous of me (and my brother, but less so) and hates it when I achieve anything, but goes out of her way to talk about her own talents, and is very pretentious and deliberately talks in an elaborate way, and acts like everyone else is stupid. She is attention-seeking, jealous, heart-less and aggressive but at the same time seems to think she is a victim of everybody else (and I can assure you that is not the case.) making it difficult to pull her up on her behaviour.

We are both students so neither of us can move out as we have no money, but I honestly feel like I would rather never be home that put up with it. But it devastates me that all my family have to live in such a miserable and stressful environment (especially my younger brother who is still a child) and it makes me frustrated and angry to the point of tears.

What should I do? Or what do you think my mum should do? I know she should see someone for help but I don't know if she would go, and I don't think my mum is strong enough to make her go or to speak up if they were to go together.

Any advise is welcome and I hope this post hasn't sounded mean but she really is the cause of so many issues in my family and it is ruining our relationships and our time together. Nothing is fun or relaxing at home any more and it is like we are all under her control. I want to move out but even that would not help anything as I know my family would still be stuck in the same situation. I also doubt she will ever leave home as she is so dependant on my parents and is also bad at holding down jobs (too many days off etc) and snobby about taking "ordinary" jobs so I can't see how she will get a job at all, since she won't just walk into an amazing one.

I just want her to grow up and stop having tantrums and being jealous, and I want her to realise all the things my parents do for her rather than just pointing out the "bad" things, which are VERY often extremely exaggerated.

Any advice would be amazing. Or even if someone has a similar problem. Thanks.
Tell your parents to kick her out, simples
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MacDaddi
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#4
Report 9 years ago
#4
What a b****. Can't believe that - she is completely out of order.

Get yourself outta there as quickly as possible.

Sit down with your parents, as it seems you are the only one able of approaching them maturely. Talk it through, write down a code of conduct (It may sounds a bit silly, I did it a couple of years ago and it did work) showing rules and punishments of those rules and follow it like a religion. Work with your parents for tough love - it will pay off and tell this devil child to grow up.
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takeariskkiss
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#5
Report 9 years ago
#5
sisters get like that. She'll grow out of it. I happen to know several girls that have annoying younger sisters. Also I remember being a ***** lol
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Luxray
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#6
Report 9 years ago
#6
How old is she?
You need to be more verbally aggressive and shout at her. Telling her what a crazy person is and has she no consideration for her parents. If she is in school, threaten to notify her teachers so they make her life hell. It may be an empty threat but you need to shake some sense into her.
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Origami Bullets
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#7
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How old is she, and has she always been this way? If not, did it come on suddenly, or was it a gradual thing?
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meowmeowmew
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#8
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#8
(Original post by beccafairy)
i'm in a very similar situation. my sister literally never has a normal conversation with me or my mum - it's always in a demanding, argumentative or derogatory tone, usually shouting instead of speaking. if either of us say anything back she will have a tantrum, usually involving screaming and slamming things about so much in her room that the walls crack (we have them re-plastered regularly). what i feel needs to be done about this (and your situation) is more discipline - my parents are afraid that if tey take her privileges away from her she'll go crazy, but them not dosn anythig means she sees notwrong with treating us this way.'m jassuming your parents are in the same situation? but it's better confronted than left as the situation won't change if it's ignored. plus she'll then realise all the things your parents do for her when they stop.

i also think it would be a good idea if, at any point, your sister is calm enough to have a chat, to sit her down with your mum and yourself so you can all talk in a calm manner about any issues you have, maybe go for a coffee for this so you won't be as inclined to raise voices - i know this wouldn't be possible with my sister though! counselling would also be an obvious option, if she would go.






good luck getting through this, i hope your sister comes around!
yesss this sounds soooo similar! wow, I sympathize with you. it sucks doesn't it?

May I ask how old your sister is and can n ask how you usually deal with her? I never know what to do. I can't win either way with her so I never know whether to argue back/defend myself oe whoever she is having a go at. or to just block it all out! :/

And yeh, I would love to sit down and sort it but everytime a "calm" chat will quickly get angry as far as my sister is concerned. It's so frustrating!!


It's sad because I'm close with the rest of my family but they know I can't wait to leave home and it's because my sister is driving me out with her behaviour.
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meowmeowmew
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#9
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And she is 20. My mum always thought she would grow out of her bad behaviour but she's only got worse over the years.

My dad has said to my mum about kicking her out but my mum won't since she'd have nowhere to go and no money. I understand why they don't want to do it but I've also wanted them to do it.

It doesn't help that both my parents are so beaten down that they can't even be bothered to.be forceful with her half the time. But when I am, she screams and shouts and turns it back on me, then starts hysterically crying.

I can't believe she can honestly see herself as a victim when she's so nasty to everyone! But I don't think she'd react well to being told to get help! :/
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brunettegirl92
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tell her that she's acting like a whiny little 8 year old and she should darn well grow up.
shout and argue with her back, and try to make her see it from your perspective, but tbh, it sounds like she needs professional help.
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beccafairy
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(Original post by meowmeowmew)
yesss this sounds soooo similar! wow, I sympathize with you. it sucks doesn't it?

May I ask how old your sister is and can n ask how you usually deal with her? I never know what to do. I can't win either way with her so I never know whether to argue back/defend myself oe whoever she is having a go at. or to just block it all out! :/

And yeh, I would love to sit down and sort it but everytime a "calm" chat will quickly get angry as far as my sister is concerned. It's so frustrating!!


It's sad because I'm close with the rest of my family but they know I can't wait to leave home and it's because my sister is driving me out with her behaviour.
she's turning sixteen, as she gets older it gets worse! it's the same thing here - you don't want to say anything back unless it causes a huge row, but it just makes it worse by her thinking she can get away with talking to people like that. if i was in control of things i'd just knuckle down on the discipline and only give her privileges when she behaves, but it's not my place. i think the main problem with both cases is that they think they have power over everyone in their families and can therefore treat them like dirt. though i guess it's a bit more difficult to discipline someone your sister's age..i can't help but feeling mine will still be like this at twenty too. :/
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Basshunter
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#12
How old is she?

If she's earning well enough for herself, tell her to look for a place of her own. There she can scream all she wants. Your parents don't have to take all this bullcrap after they've looked after her for so long. Neither do you. Be assertive.
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hvh
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I have the same problem with my OLDER sister. The worst thing is that I am 21 and she is 23. It's basically turned into my parents humouring her. Constantly. I feel like the bad egg of the family now, and she's treated like gods gift.
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SkyS0h1
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20 years old? it sounds like your parents arent taking it seriously enough or that you guys are constantly brushing over the issue if its still carrying on to this extent :/ You need to let your parents know how you feel i.e. youre so blimmin stressed and fed up you want to move out. Get them to have a serious talk with her- none of this screaming/wailing business; an ultimatum between sorting out her attitude or getting the hell out. I know how you feel and your anger at her being rude to your parents. If my sister ever spoke to my mum or dad like that I dont care how old she is id slap her one :/
Good Luck! x
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ads22uk
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Parents should never be afraid of 'upsetting their child' if the child is in the wrong. No offense but its your parents weakness that has let her exceed her limits as she probably feels she can get away with more and more and this aids her self centered attitude. Your parents shouldn't tolerate it in the slightest and they should teach her some discipline. If she doesn't learn it from them where else is she going to learn it from?
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meowmeowmew
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(Original post by ads22uk)
Parents should never be afraid of 'upsetting their child' if the child is in the wrong. No offense but its your parents weakness that has let her exceed her limits as she probably feels she can get away with more and more and this aids her self centered attitude. Your parents shouldn't tolerate it in the slightest and they should teach her some discipline. If she doesn't learn it from them where else is she going to learn it from?
I agree with this... I think I will try to talk to my parents about it again (although it's hard as my sister is ALWAYS around) and hopefully they will try to take it a bit more seriously.

After reading people's replies I really do think my mum in particular is very weak with my sister. I mean, despite her behaviour my mum still drives her around, buys her things if she pushes for them, lets her off etc. I just hope she will listen to me. :/
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M4LLY
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Just kick her out
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meowmeowmew
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#18
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(Original post by beccafairy)
she's turning sixteen, as she gets older it gets worse! it's the same thing here - you don't want to say anything back unless it causes a huge row, but it just makes it worse by her thinking she can get away with talking to people like that. if i was in control of things i'd just knuckle down on the discipline and only give her privileges when she behaves, but it's not my place. i think the main problem with both cases is that they think they have power over everyone in their families and can therefore treat them like dirt. though i guess it's a bit more difficult to discipline someone your sister's age..i can't help but feeling mine will still be like this at twenty too. :/
Yes!! This is exactly my situation! And I hate to say it but it doesn't sound too good.. my sister was the same when she was younger and has only got worse! It's so frustrating to watch isn't it? Especially if your parents are weak with your sister like mine are with my sister.. In away I am relieved to know I'm not the only one in this situation but I'm sorry that you also have to put up with this kind of thing. Ugh, it sucks.

Have you ever spoken to your parents about it? I have but I never seem to get anywhere. having read responses on here I want to try again. (thanks guys!)
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meowmeowmew
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#19
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(Original post by hvh)
I have the same problem with my OLDER sister. The worst thing is that I am 21 and she is 23. It's basically turned into my parents humouring her. Constantly. I feel like the bad egg of the family now, and she's treated like gods gift.
Oh my god, that must be awful! My sister is a nightmare but my parents are very aware of the fact that she is causing problems and behaving badly. I'm sorry to hear you have to put up with that
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es.c
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, I don't even really know where to begin with this... Sorry, it may be long but please read if you have time and can advise me..

I know this might sound like an awful thing to say, but my sister is ruining my family and the situation at home is making me depressed. I now enjoy work more than home because it is always so stressful and my sister argues with everyone, everyday. And I don't mean a small argument, I mean screaming, eastenders-style arguments. She looks down on everyone else and is incredibly self-centered, takes advantage of both my parents and is very disrespectful and nasty to them. This then makes me fight with her often as I can't stand seeing her being so rude to my mum and dad, who do so much for her. What's worse is that whenever anyone tries to confront her about her behaviour, she makes out that my mum (or whoever it is) is being nasty to her or is "bored" of her or something. Whenever anyone picks her up on something bad she has done, she starts WAILING and crying and even literally screaming sometimes.

She clearly has a serious issue but she is so insensitive, manipulative and spiteful that I am finding it incredibley hard to be sympathetic with her as I have put up with this situation for so many years and am tired. She was a bully to me as a child and has been jealous and hateful towards me more and more over the years and it's effecting my life as well as the rest of my family. Even when I was diagnosed with a mental issue of my own (BDD) two years ago, she used it against me, calling me ugly and deliberately bringing it up to make me feel ashamed and I feel like she keeps being forgiven for everything and that it is just getting worse and worse! She is very sharp-tongued and has barely any empathy for others (when my grandad died all she did was make nasty comments about him since she didn't like him.) and yet my parents are allowing it to carry on since they are worried about upsetting her further.

She over-reacts to everything and one time even punched the screen of our famly laptop, breaking the screen which cost £180. She then refused to pay for it meaning my parents had to. We don't have much money but she seems not to care about my parents at all, as long as she can do what she wants.

I personally think she has multiple issues. She is VERY jealous of me (and my brother, but less so) and hates it when I achieve anything, but goes out of her way to talk about her own talents, and is very pretentious and deliberately talks in an elaborate way, and acts like everyone else is stupid. She is attention-seeking, jealous, heart-less and aggressive but at the same time seems to think she is a victim of everybody else (and I can assure you that is not the case.) making it difficult to pull her up on her behaviour.

We are both students so neither of us can move out as we have no money, but I honestly feel like I would rather never be home that put up with it. But it devastates me that all my family have to live in such a miserable and stressful environment (especially my younger brother who is still a child) and it makes me frustrated and angry to the point of tears.

What should I do? Or what do you think my mum should do? I know she should see someone for help but I don't know if she would go, and I don't think my mum is strong enough to make her go or to speak up if they were to go together.

Any advise is welcome and I hope this post hasn't sounded mean but she really is the cause of so many issues in my family and it is ruining our relationships and our time together. Nothing is fun or relaxing at home any more and it is like we are all under her control. I want to move out but even that would not help anything as I know my family would still be stuck in the same situation. I also doubt she will ever leave home as she is so dependant on my parents and is also bad at holding down jobs (too many days off etc) and snobby about taking "ordinary" jobs so I can't see how she will get a job at all, since she won't just walk into an amazing one.

I just want her to grow up and stop having tantrums and being jealous, and I want her to realise all the things my parents do for her rather than just pointing out the "bad" things, which are VERY often extremely exaggerated.

Any advice would be amazing. Or even if someone has a similar problem. Thanks.
I think everyone has one person in there family who goes off the rails and rebel. I have a brother who's a bit mental, but ey, what can you do in the end?
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