The Student Room Group

overbearing older sister

I am 16 and my sister is 21. She is the type of person to lecture me for not being clean because my desk is a bit cluttered or i left something on the floor. She calls me dirty and what not, but she does it as well.

Just now I dropped my water bottle and it spilt down the side of her bed so I cleaned it, then she kept saying "are you sure you cleaned it properly" because I'm very "dirty". Then she started giving me in depth lectures about the ever so slight clutter on my desk and floor which was about 4 separate parts of the room. After telling her to stop I wanted to lie in bed and she commented "your laying in bed again?"

I won't lie I absolutely lost it at this point and screamed at her but she just kept droning on about how dirty I am like an actual robot. I'm not sure but I think she has some sort of illness because my dad is the same way. Also I swear I am not being dramatic it feels like I'm being tortured. She doesn't stop.

Before, I was also harmlessly annoying her as sisters do but she was being so serious. What do I do because she is actually ruining our relationship and my sanity.
Reply 1
Maybe speak to your parents about it.

She sounds a bit unreasonable. There's also a difference between "dirty" and "untidy", maybe you're just a bit untidy. I certainly am!

If you're sharing a living space then I suggest you reach a compromise, maybe with a parent or family member present and commit to both of you having a tidy up every so often, or polishing the furniture or cleaning the windowsill etc.

Acknowledge she likes it her way, and you like it your way, and you both cannot please the other 100% = compromise!
Reply 2
Your situation is so understandable. As a 16 yr old with an older sister the same age as urs it gets very overwhelming. its shocking how similar your relationship sounds to mine. Even the whole being 'dirty' thing, i mean my older sister does the exact same thing. Soemtimes siblings just dont get along as simple as it sounds, its true. Like it or not, ur siblings r put into ur life and u dont have a choice whether to be friends with them or not. U kinda just have to be. In my eyes, i've given up and just tell myself and remind myself that i just have to wait until we dont live together and i only have to see her when or if i choose to. Unless you truly want a better relationship with her, i suggest u just have the same mentality and wait until shes not there evryday making u go insane.
It sounds like from what you said, she's learned/got that from her dad. If someone is bothering you, it is probably for the best to not to respond at all, at least while they are acting like that. Picking on people is only interesting to someone if they get a response (I have had to learn this the hard way). If someone's statement or complaint doesn't make sense, or is very mean, returning or arguing, in the moment at least, goes nowhere and can make it worse. Plus, as humans we have an innate mechanism to feel

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