Question: how financially dependent on your parents will you be at uni? If you can live on just your loans plus a job if needed then don't let your mum stop you from going to whichever uni you want. If you will rely on them then it will be harder but don't give up and just accept what she wants if you won't be happy at a nearby uni. Its your life, its worth fighting for what you want to do with it.
If you do end up trapped at home it isn't that hard to make friends, join societies and talk to the people in lectures or the library. Be prepared to say yes to everything for the first few weeks and go out with people. You have to make more of an effort but it is perfectly possible. Good luck!
If you do end up trapped at home it isn't that hard to make friends, join societies and talk to the people in lectures or the library. Be prepared to say yes to everything for the first few weeks and go out with people. You have to make more of an effort but it is perfectly possible. Good luck!
Why aren't you allowed to go away to uni?
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Posted from TSR Mobile
It depends on the person. I live at home, but I'm only 20 mins away from Uni and I've had absolutely no problem in making friends and going out. Damn, I spend more time in my mates' halls in the evenings than at home. So if you're someone willing to make the effort, then it shouldn't phase you.
You're 18 now, or will be soon. You're an adult, and you need to remind your mother of that. You should stand up to her, and tell her you're leaving to go to uni. If you want to leave, that's your decision to make, not hers. You're old enough to decide which religion (if any) to follow, and it's unfair for her to force her beliefs on you.
It may be slightly harder for you financially if she doesn't contribute, but you should be able to manage. Your loan will cover all your fees, and your loans/any grants you receive will help towards your living costs, although you may have to get a part-time job.
This is supposed to be the best time of your life, and you're supposed to learn how to live independently. This won't happen if you stay at home. Your mother is being really unfair, and you should let her know how you feel.
It may be slightly harder for you financially if she doesn't contribute, but you should be able to manage. Your loan will cover all your fees, and your loans/any grants you receive will help towards your living costs, although you may have to get a part-time job.
This is supposed to be the best time of your life, and you're supposed to learn how to live independently. This won't happen if you stay at home. Your mother is being really unfair, and you should let her know how you feel.
Original post by bambamx
i'm glad you're having fun. did you just talk to people on the first day in your lectures & stuff like how did you make your first friend there? what uni do you go to and what course do you study if you don't mind me asking?
Well yes, I talked to people in lectures and whatnot, but that applies to everyone willing to make friends, not just people living at home. my closest group of friends are those in my course as I spend more time with them obviously.
I've asked my friends who live in halls what their experiences were like and it was a mixed bag really. One didnt speak much with them because they were all so different personalities etc and others were really good mates with them. The one thing they all had in common though was that they were closer to people on their course than floor mates.
I go to UCL and study chemistry
What are you thinking of studying?Original post by bambamx
do you still go out partying from time to time with your friends that live in halls or are you not a very party person? I'm planning on studying marketing. i think reading seems nice so i'm going to their open day next Saturday. might apply there i'll see how it goes
Yeah I go out with my friends all the time, but more to pubs and halls, rather than clubs because the latter are too loud and we cant really talk.
Ahh that's great, good luck with that
Original post by bambamx
i only live with my mum and i don't usually ask for her money but i'm not sure how much uni (minus the course) costs as a whole. but i'm not a big spender so i think i would survive perfectly. i really wish i could just tell my mum to piss off but i can't just go and leave without her consent but then i just feel like i'm wasting my youth but thank you for your response i'm hoping for a miracle
Yes, you can
Just apply wherever you want. You will be 18, right?Edit: never mind just seen that it's religious stuff.
(edited 10 years ago)
Are you a Pakistani/Bangladeshi Muslim by any chance? I'm a male of a similar background and I know how you feel, to some extent, about the whole 'over-protective' mindset of a lot of Asian parents. My parents weren't too bothered with me moving out to university though. I know it's a bit different seeing as you're female... my parents don't particularly want my younger sister moving out, but have said as long as she gets into a good university, she can. I think you're going to have to talk to your parents about all of this. Tell them it's for the best for your education.
I personally hate this sort of 'traditional' culture... not allowing your daughters independence and freedom and only expecting your sons to be the bread winners.
I personally hate this sort of 'traditional' culture... not allowing your daughters independence and freedom and only expecting your sons to be the bread winners.
If you aren't religious yourself then I'm sorry, but you have to just tell your mum that. You're an adult and can choose your own path. Her beliefs shouldn't be stopping you from living the way you feel is best for you. Parents pushing religion on their children is something I absolutely cannot stand.
As for living at home, if you decide you can't stand up to your mum, you'll be fine. I live at home and have a better social life than most of my friends that live in halls. They're often arguing about household stuff and then end up not talking for however long, whereas I have nothing to argue with my friends about and can just have a good time. Uni will be totally what you make of it though, friends included, but you have to do what is right for you, not what your mum/religion wants.
As for living at home, if you decide you can't stand up to your mum, you'll be fine. I live at home and have a better social life than most of my friends that live in halls. They're often arguing about household stuff and then end up not talking for however long, whereas I have nothing to argue with my friends about and can just have a good time. Uni will be totally what you make of it though, friends included, but you have to do what is right for you, not what your mum/religion wants.
TBH you will be 18 when you go to uni and an Adult if i were you (there was another girl on here that did this) Apply for wherever you want even if it is at the other end of the country. Try to enplane to your mum why you need to move away if she turns on the waterworks do no0t be put of you may need to be hard on her or even a little mean. If that firm your preferd uni and ever so quietly pack a bag and move a few things out of your house to a mates or storing locker and arrange train ticket. when move in day come around say to Mum or dad Oh I am going out for a bit. go collect your bag(s).Get on the train and go to uni now this plan has a few problems but they are easy to over come the first problem is to find a mate that you can trust. if you really can't find one then go for the storage locker or hide it in your garage boot of your car something like that. the next problem to overcome is the guilt I can't help you with that but just grow a pair. Now here is the hard bit call you mum and dad you are officially missing if you disperser for more then 24 hours they may try and guilt trip you DON@T let them they may thertan you is suicide
they will not go through with it. those people on here that stay at home have probably never lived away form home but it really is worth it for me it was a Rights of passage I really needed to do it have fun
they will not go through with it. those people on here that stay at home have probably never lived away form home but it really is worth it for me it was a Rights of passage I really needed to do it have fun
Uni is a once in a lifetime opportunity, as well as the chance to gain a higher qualification
You're also 18, you can't let your mother dictate on what you do regarding in staying in halls or not, I mean what if you wanted to go to a prestigious university like Cambridge and you live somewhere in the NE? that would seriously be selfish of your mother.
TL;DR you're 18, your choice.
You're also 18, you can't let your mother dictate on what you do regarding in staying in halls or not, I mean what if you wanted to go to a prestigious university like Cambridge and you live somewhere in the NE? that would seriously be selfish of your mother.
TL;DR you're 18, your choice.
Original post by bambamx
thank you for the reply! i'm trying to grow some balls hopefully i will have the courage to stand up for myself. it's difficult because i don't want to cause damage in my family if you understand where i'm coming from. and as for the religion stuff, my mum knows deep down that religion is not in my heart that's why she shoves it down my throat. she literally cries sometimes because i'm not devout and it makes me feel so guilty when i hear her complaining about me but at the same it pisses me off because she is so dramatic. all i do is sleep and go on the internet but i still ended up getting AAB for AS. she doesn't care about education half as much as religion. when i told her my results she just said ''oh that's good'' and it really hurt my feelings because she never tells me to revise or asks about my education whereas other parents care so much about their children's education and are always at parents evening and such. i guess it's because she never really went to school when she was young she got married at 16. sorry i'm just venting
what uni do u go to?
what uni do u go to?
No need to apologise, vent away!
I got to the university of aberdeen.
I totally understand about not wanting to cause issues in your family, but sometimes it's better to get it off of your chest now than to bottle it up and end up completely resenting your family in years to come. I'm not from a religious family myself, but I'd like to believe that although your mum is very religious, she'd still want you to be happy whether it went along with her beliefs or not?
I also get the whole lack of support with education thing. Neither of my parents seem to understand how much my educations means to me and neither of them really ask about it. It's only recently that my mum seems to have taken a deeper interest, but my dad is still the same old dad that is always working elsewhere haha. It used to get me down a bit, but now I just use that to push me too. At the end of the day, my education is going to shape my future (not necessarily true for everyone, but for my career path it is) so I have to be selfish for a while and do my thing
. If you fancy venting again, then I've usually got tsr open in a tab somewhere so my ears/eyes are open for you haha.
Original post by bambamx
do you know what the username of the girl that did this is?
I can't I am afraid she got up to Edinburgh and her Mum and dad threatened to kill themselves so she wen't back home tried to go to London and her Mum and dad tried to block her agane (locked her in the house infact) so she called the police and got a restring order on them I think your mum and dad will be a bit more reasonable if you just go it should show them how much you want this and then when you come back for the winter holidays they will see how much more mature you have become they will probably come round to your way of thinking
Original post by bambamx
i personally think religion is total bull**** but i come from a devout family so they have really old views and values. in my culture it's like a really bad thing to let a girl leave home without her being married. My mum wouldn't admit but it's probably because she thinks i can't be trusted without the supervision of a relative and i'm the youngest in my family so i'm treated like a ****ing 2 year old
Could you not like meet her halfway and arrange to stay in a girls-only house? They do exist, and you'd meet boys in classes and things but you would anyway even if you lived at home?
You might be interested in the Council of Ex-Muslims, which supports & represents people who were brought up Muslim but who no longer believe in a God.
I can't remember the username of the girl who ran away last year, but she came back on TSR a couple of weeks ago and said that following the police involvement her parents had allowed her to go to Glasgow this year, which was still a long way from home.
I can't remember her user name either but it should be possible to find the thread with a bit of searching. She's an amazingly strong person and if you pm her I'm sure she will be willing to talk things over with you.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I can't remember the username of the girl who ran away last year, but she came back on TSR a couple of weeks ago and said that following the police involvement her parents had allowed her to go to Glasgow this year, which was still a long way from home.
I can't remember her user name either but it should be possible to find the thread with a bit of searching. She's an amazingly strong person and if you pm her I'm sure she will be willing to talk things over with you.
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Original post by bambamx
even if she did let me move, i'd always have to share a room with a girl and i'd be more comfortable with girls anyway but that's not the problem. it's that my family have like a victorian times mindset. if my brother was to move away they wouldn't even question him but because i'm a girl there are restrictions on what i can do. but i'm not extremely wild or anything i don't want to move away so i can get pissed every night. in fact, i don't see myself ever drinking; just not my thing but i want to meet new people and it would probably be so much fun to live with people my own age without parents
I totally understand that have you tried to talk to your brother about this he may be a bit more understanding.
he may be able to convince your Mum and Dad?
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