why can't I get a meaningful relationship? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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So basically I have very bad luck at attracting members of the opposite sex. In my teenage years and during first year of uni I was very shy and slow to approach the girls I liked, so that accounted for a lot of problems I had then, but as uni progressed I became much more confident, approached women at events / bars / clubs and got numbers and secured dates. Done the whole one night stand stuff and I've only had a couple of short relationships in the past but they have never lasted.

Problem is the people I have ever genuinely really liked have always rejected me (and we're talking 6 or more times now). Some of the dates I've been on have only remained the one date even though I felt like we were getting on really well - more often than not they don't text back afterwards or just plain reject me. I'm pretty sure it's my looks because I've fixed the confidence issue. I'm not the best looking by admission - I'm short for a guy, 5'6 and still prone to acne. Have addressed this in some respect over the last couple of years by hitting the gym and I have bulked up quite a bit which has given me more confidence, but I still always draw a blank when it comes to relationships, and it's not like I haven't been trying. I'm 23 and before I know it I'll be past the 'young' years.

Is it likely to be looks related, confidence, or just bad luck? Any advice would be appreciated
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unprinted
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#2
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Have you asked them?

It's really interesting to me that I know a number of men who've done the 'hitting the gym' thing to 'get more confidence' in their attempt to get a relationship. But for the sort of women they were hoping to attract, the size of their muscles would be irrelevant, and in most cases it was their attitude that was the issue.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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(Original post by unprinted)
Have you asked them?

It's really interesting to me that I know a number of men who've done the 'hitting the gym' thing to 'get more confidence' in their attempt to get a relationship. But for the sort of women they were hoping to attract, the size of their muscles would be irrelevant, and in most cases it was their attitude that was the issue.
Not everyone that goes to the gym is a jerk, by the way. And most people don't go to attract the type of person you are implying! There's nothing with doing something that gives you more confidence (which has always been an issue for me) and promotes a healthy lifestyle. I have never been told I have an attitude problem, I have always treated women with respect, and if anything, I am 'too nice' for my own good. I'm always told 'you weren't right for me' or something along those lines which is fair enough, I just think most people are too kind to say certain things.
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Calpurnia
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(Original post by unprinted)
Have you asked them?

It's really interesting to me that I know a number of men who've done the 'hitting the gym' thing to 'get more confidence' in their attempt to get a relationship. But for the sort of women they were hoping to attract, the size of their muscles would be irrelevant, and in most cases it was their attitude that was the issue.
It's a nice thought! But even girls for whom muscles are "irrelevant" will put some sort of onus on aesthetics, unfortunately - and muscles can help with certain ratios that are typically more appealing. You can have the best attitude in the world and never get a shout with some people ("but they aren't worth dating!", I know, but sometimes they are if you can get over the first hurdle).

OP, I think you best bet is just to keep doing what you're doing. You've done the hardest part which is approaching people you're interested in. So really you could probably do a lot worse than just kitting yourself out with some flattering clothes/outfits/haircut etc and get back to it.
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unprinted
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Not everyone that goes to the gym is a jerk, by the way. And most people don't go to attract the type of person you are implying! There's nothing with doing something that gives you more confidence (which has always been an issue for me) and promotes a healthy lifestyle. I have never been told I have an attitude problem, I have always treated women with respect, and if anything, I am 'too nice' for my own good.
Yep, I didn't think that every gym bunny is. However if you think you're being told you're "too nice", it's really a sign that you're not. That doesn't mean you're a *******, but something's putting women off. You may be coming across as creepy or..
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