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How can I become more comfortable around men?

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I'm not laughing off the advice..I'm trying to use everyone's advice but it's still hard for me to feel better about it. I feel intense shyness and awkwardness around any male, no matter what they look like or anything. I just can't even explain it. I'm just trying to make sure that guys are really aren't as scary as I make them out to be..because you guys do seem scary to me lol. I wish I could be more confident. I know I should just go up to a guy and talk to him but It's soooo hard

So in your 12-13 years of studying ...you do not have a close guy friend?

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Reply 61

sparklenshine

Original post by realunited

So in your 12-13 years of studying ...you do not have a close guy friend?

Posted from TSR Mobile

No never.

Reply 62

Josb

Original post by sparklenshine

No never.

Go in the pub with your colleagues/mates when they hang out after work. Drink a few pints and it's done. I don't see why you can't do that, it's so easy - especially for a girl in a male environment like you.

Reply 63

Decorpi12

Most guys are very simple creatures. They're way easier to be friends with than girls. Do not over-analyze or over-think. Nobody is judging you. Just get out of the confines of your thoughts and put yourself in the "moment", especially that your thoughts are being prejudiced against you. This will take some practice, so I suggest meeting some more boys, interacting with them, just being friendly, and you'd realize they're much simpler than girls (I know this is a huge generalization). (Personally, all my friends are boys).

Reply 64

Tamara165

I haven't been on tsr in a while, and I must say there's a lot of interesting post so far. I guess nothing much as change since the last we spoke which is unfortunate, I would suggest that you need to master the art of flirting then guys will start to approach you.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 65

sparklenshine

Original post by Another

I know a good handful of funny, smart and chilled girls. Are you sure you're not letting confirmation bias alter your views on the two genders?

Wait so... you prefer being around men, you feel comfortable in their company, you pretty much study in a male dominated environment, and you still have no friends of the opposite gender?

Let's assume that you really are a special snowflake. Are you absolutely sure you're not being snobby, stuck up, princess-like, have a false sense of entitlement, or any other sort of crippling social issues? I don't think social anxiety alone could cause your situation, but I could be wrong.

But guys are still funnier, they have better jokes. Yeah I have no friends of the opposite gender still lol..I don't know I don't think so, I may be quiet but I'm not stuck up or snobby..I have really bad social anxiety though.

Reply 66

shawn_o1

Original post by sparklenshine

In a typical day who do you talk to?

Reply 67

sparklenshine

Original post by Tamara165

Have things changed for you? How do I master the art of flirting??

Reply 68

Tamara165

Original post by sparklenshine

Have things changed for you? How do I master the art of flirting??

Yes and no 😊, my flirting technique isn't perfect yet I didn't even that I could flirt. Well one day I was on a bus (I usually drive) and my mother calls me telling about her crazy friends and this guy and makes eye contact with me he thought I was flirting him when I laughing while I was on the phone I was playing with my hair and maybe he thought all that was for him. Anyway I finish talking to my mother on the phone and this guy was getting off the bus and he promise that he would speak to me next time. I perposely took the bus the time same again and I saw him and I could tell that he wanted to speak to but a fat lady ruin the moment and it was his stop. Anyway I didn't see him again, however I have experimented 😈 by going the same thing with random guys and they gave me their numbers. Now I'm trying to do this with guys I know and my coworker now thinks I like him because he was my next case study!. Guys like girls who are confident, use your eyes,hair and body (just don't act like a slut). For example,pretend like you don't understand something and rub hand slowly on his shoulder (I did this once but I wasnt trying to flirt with this guy) and if he likes I'm sure he will let you know. This guy did!

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 69

username47781

Ok if there is anymore fighting and arguing then this thread will be locked, please keep it sensible and on topic, thanks

Reply 70

shawn_o1

Original post by Rock Fan

Ok if there is anymore fighting and arguing then this thread will be locked, please keep it sensible and on topic, thanks

Apparently OP posts these kinds of thread when she's frustrated

Reply 71

shawn_o1

Original post by GillSmith

The best thing a girl can do is not to try and master anything just be YOURSELF and approachable. I guess this being fun and telling funny jokes is a big thing for you but it really doesn't matter in 8/10 guys.
And don't say anymore nobody asked you out, because I already did :wink:

Fancy popping down to the Physics department at Imperial College and enquiring about a certain Nina?

Reply 72

sparklenshine

Original post by GillSmith

Guys are scared of attractive girls and are more careful in making steps thinking attractive girl=has a boyfriend and by your social anxiety I think you are sending wrong/not available signals that scares them off... and the most attractive thing in girl is making me want to chase her :wink:

Haha well how do I make a guy chase me then? Yeah, I think I am..in my body language even though what I say doesn't seem awkward. I really want to improve though but omg it is hard!!

Reply 73

sparklenshine

Original post by GillSmith

So guys don't care if a girl is funny or not? Then what does she need to be to get guys? I wish all guys loved me lol. and When did you ask me out? :wink:

Reply 74

sparklenshine

Original post by Tamara165

Yes and no ��, my flirting technique isn't perfect yet I didn't even that I could flirt. Well one day I was on a bus (I usually drive) and my mother calls me telling about her crazy friends and this guy and makes eye contact with me he thought I was flirting him when I laughing while I was on the phone I was playing with my hair and maybe he thought all that was for him. Anyway I finish talking to my mother on the phone and this guy was getting off the bus and he promise that he would speak to me next time. I perposely took the bus the time same again and I saw him and I could tell that he wanted to speak to but a fat lady ruin the moment and it was his stop. Anyway I didn't see him again, however I have experimented �� by going the same thing with random guys and they gave me their numbers. Now I'm trying to do this with guys I know and my coworker now thinks I like him because he was my next case study!. Guys like girls who are confident, use your eyes,hair and body (just don't act like a slut). For example,pretend like you don't understand something and rub hand slowly on his shoulder (I did this once but I wasnt trying to flirt with this guy) and if he likes I'm sure he will let you know. This guy did!

That's interesting. How was your coworker your case study? What did you do?? Yeah, I know it's just soo hard!! I feel awkward when I try to flirt so I just try to be funny but still nothing happens!! Even if I just want to be his friend he doesn't invite me with other guys..and by rub his shoulder do you mean actually put your hand on his shoulder and rub it? Isn't that weird?? Or do you mean just touch it? Still, I doubt I could do this lol it seems hard :frown:

Reply 75

lotusbloom

Original post by sparklenshine

How can I become friends with guys? I'm 23 and have never had a relationship or been asked out. I'm quite attractive and have been approached to model...but guys have never complimented me except old guys..I only get complimented by girls..I really want to get to know guys better and become more comfortable with them.

I'm not only uncomfortable with attractive/smart guys but also guys who aren't as smart as me and not attractive..basically any guy!! I always feel sooo self conscious and awkward when I talk to men. If a female friend is sitting near a guy and she looks to me to ask or say something, I always get so awkward and uncomfortable because i know the guy is also listening to the conversation and I fear he will compare my personality to hers or his girlfriends or something..and another problem is when I know a guy has a girlfriend, I always fear he's going to compare my personality and humor with hers.

I feel like they're judging everything I say and my face and my body and my hair and my clothes..I see other girls who aren't as attractive, or funny, or smart look so comfortable with these same men. I wonder why I can't have their confidence!? I really need help..I hate feeling like this. If I hear someone near me saying something, I always know something funny to say but I'm so shy so I never do. People who are around me at uni probably think I'm so weird because I don't talk to anyone. I know they think I'm just unfriendly but I am not. I'm just shy and socially awkward...

Do guys judge girls who try to befriend them? I don't want them to think they like me..but I just don't know how to appear calm, confident, and friendly, without getting nervous and making them think I like them..I just don't understand why guys don't like me.

Why do guys just hate me soo much!? :confused:

Awww sweetie please don't think that men hate you! I know it is frustrating that men are not currently befriending you or approaching you but I honestly think it has nothing to do with your looks or personality everything to do with your anxiety. I know all too well that anxiety can be absolutely crippling and can affect every single. I'm working through it myself and I don't have the all the answers yet but I promised myself that will beat it! You should too!

It seems the pinnacle of your anxiety is men. They are very unfamiliar to you as you have yet to experience a friendship with them and so they intimidate you. Also people don't talk about it much but it is difficult being a woman when it comes to a starting a relationship as you can feel at the mercy of men as you feel they have all the power and options and are the ones that approach and pursue and all you can do it sit there are try to look pretty but it's so hard with anxiety even if they do approach you will probably unintentionally blow them off or be so bewildered that you don't even realise they are approaching you.

My advice to you is that you just really have to go for it and swallow every fear. Yes at times it will feel awful and like you just can't do it and can't go on but if you do a little something every day to push past your fears I promise you that your life will completely transform for the better! Male friends/a boyfriend is not going to climb through your bedroom window you will have to meet them at least halfway.

I would start off very small and work your way up... Start by sitting next to or across from a guy (the library is a great place to do this!) you don't even have to say anything! Next simply smile at a male cashier. Next ask a male store clerk where 'X' is in the store (for example the jazz music section in HMV, laundry baskets in John Lewis... Any old thing!) and say thank you. Even call a call centre to get a quote for some insurance or something to practise talking to men. I'm sure imperial has lots of science lectures on in the evenings pop to those and get chatting to some guys. I'm at King's College London myself and I love those sorts of events there always a casual informal chat at the end with nibbles there will be guys there and it's usually quite relaxed. London is full of places to go and people to meet I'm planning going to some meditation classes and 'weekend fillers' that I found on google to tackle my anxiety. What I am talking about is basically called exposure therapy. The more you interact with guys the more you will come to see that they are just like you are not judging you anywhere near as much as you judge yourself, if at all!

Remember that you are lucky you have been approached to model I bet you are truly beautiful! Please don't ever doubt yourself as looking at some of the posts here it seems you are really hard on yourself. Also you have the best of both worlds are you are doing a PhD at a top uni please remember to count your blessings too. I want you to affirm them every day you are beautiful and blessed! There is some guy (or probably several!) that is absolutely pining to be with a woman like you the question is are you going to put the work into make sure your paths cross?

I think what you also really need is a supportive friend. Feel free to PM me whenever with any issue no matter how crazy it sounds! Believe me I have some crazy anxiety stories and things I've overcome. For example at one point my anxiety was so bad I could not even go to shop in fear that people would laugh at me and judge me if I could not open a plastic bag after a while or if I could find my purse/money quickly. Today I am much better but struggle with eating in public. Remember to set little goals for yourself if you need help or someone to check in with your goals let me know.

You can do this!!!!

Best wishes hun

Reply 76

Tamara165

Original post by sparklenshine

Yes my coworker was my case study 😋 however I wasn't necessary interest in him (he attracts too many gay guys) when I was leaving that day he hugged me and it almost felt sexual, I want to keep everything professional. Anyway I just have a habit of touching people, I was thinking that you can applied the same technique. I honestly do think your pretty, I didn't talk to a lot of people on my course and recently a guy on my course told me I never smile and i laugh by saying that you can get wrinkles and he said that I have great teeth so I should smiled more (maybe you should as well). In that moment I remember a random guy on street saw me fixing my shoe and he said he might slap my bum I gave him a dirty look, and he said he joking and I should have a sense of humor (although that's not something to joke about), but it made me think to myself that maybe people assume that I act a certain way (the b word) when in reality I'm not. Smile a lot more even when if your on the train and for once do something different, when I first started I was nervous as **** but I wanted changed and i have learned so much about myself.