Coming out

Okay, my best friend found out I was bisexual.. Basically we were at a friend's house and she was going through my friend's Tumblr likes and came across a post I submitted saying I was bi. She just blurts out "C why didn't you tell me you were bisexual? OMG" and this was in front of a few of my other friends who I haven't came out too yet. Luckily, they were kinda drunk so I don't think any of them paid much attention. Anyway, ever since my "best friend" found out I was bi she's been very distant.. She barely talks to me anymore and it makes me feel like ****.. I was wondering if I should talk to a teacher about this? I have a teacher who I am quite close with.. Close as in she regularly asks how I am, if I've self harmed recently, she just listens and is there for support. Do you think I should come out to my teacher? I trust her a lot and I need some support rn in school.

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Reply 1

perflous

11

Yeah I'd tell your teacher if I were you. It's good to have someone to talk to and I think you'll probably benefit from not feeling like you have to keep it a secret - you're lucky to have a teacher you trust. Hope it works out :smile:

Reply 2

Iggy Azalea

14

Original post by ohnanailikenanas

Okay, my best friend found out I was bisexual.. Basically we were at a friend's house and she was going through my friend's Tumblr likes and came across a post I submitted saying I was bi. She just blurts out "C why didn't you tell me you were bisexual? OMG" and this was in front of a few of my other friends who I haven't came out too yet. Luckily, they were kinda drunk so I don't think any of them paid much attention. Anyway, ever since my "best friend" found out I was bi she's been very distant.. She barely talks to me anymore and it makes me feel like ****.. I was wondering if I should talk to a teacher about this? I have a teacher who I am quite close with.. Close as in she regularly asks how I am, if I've self harmed recently, she just listens and is there for support. Do you think I should come out to my teacher? I trust her a lot and I need some support rn in school.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Just relax. Being bisexual isn't a big issue as it seems, trust me I've been there.

You are best off coming out at your own pace. You don't have to announce it. I recommend you do what I did and simply make subtle hints until someone directly asks you. If you come across like you're cool with it, you will be better at coming out to your friends. If I were you, take each person individually in order of closeness and work your way through, at any pace comfortable to you.

Perhaps re-come out to your friend, she might understand better if you open up to her, and then you can be friends again.

So yeah, talk to your teacher if you want the support, it's fine. But simply remember that coming out is an anti-climatic thing, it's not as dramatic nor life changing as people make it out to be (which is good!).

Reply 3

Catty257

It's much better that she knows but maybe talk to your friend about it? Ask her to try to understand that you're friends, and although your bisexual you don't have sexual feeling towards her

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Reply 4

1501

9

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

Reply 5

ohnanailikenanas

OP

2

@1501 I'm 17.

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Reply 6

Wheezy

12

Hi there, sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I myself know what you're talking about, having come out a couple of years ago and seen the way people can react to this. I myself had a few friends who were a bit 'off' with me when they first found out, and to be honest, those are the friends I have nothing to do with now. It might just take your friend some time to understand and adjust to the idea, but if she continues to act the way she is acting with you after some time, I would say she isn't a friend you need in your life. In terms of talking to a teacher, definitely. There were a couple of teachers I could talk to about my sexuality when I was at school, and that was always helpful. Approaching the subject may be difficult, but your teacher will be someone you can talk to that isn't prejudice, hopefully, and will offer you unbiased opinions. Have you told anyone else aside from your friends? Parents?

Reply 7

1501

9

Original post by ohnanailikenanas

@1501 I'm 17.

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Oh, I see. From your first post I assumed you were younger. If your friend is distancing herself from you because of fear or being weirded out or what-not, you need to talk to her.

Happened to me when I was younger, people who I thought were my best friends reacted very badly and our friendship group eventually ended up falling apart. 6 years later I look back at it and laugh though, because as someone stated earlier, it really isn't that much of a big deal.

Reply 8

ohnanailikenanas

OP

2

You see my "best friend" is totally fine with one of our close friends being lesbian so I'm not sure why she's distancing herself from me..

Parents? My parents are separated, I live with my mum and 3 siblings. I choose not to have much contact with my dad and his family. Even if I did they'd disown me anyway as they've already got a gay cousin who they no longer have contact with. I'd be a disappointment. My mum's family on the other hand would probably end up reciting the Bible to me (not joking). My mum's side are very religious.. I was brought up to be Christian.

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Reply 9

ohnanailikenanas

OP

2

Also thanks to everyone for your comments (:

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Reply 10

Wheezy

12

That's a difficult one. I mean, you may be shocked at people's reactions if they were to find out. There were a number of people I was terrified of telling, and it turned out the people I didn't want to know more than anyone were actually the people who reacted the best. Are you looking to going to university or moving out? I used to see going to university as the time I would come out and start to live my life for me, so that was what I was holding on for, before I was able to come out. Honestly, I know it's awful, but coming out was the best thing I have ever done. I am so much happier and have had two long term relationships as a result of coming out. Finding someone you can talk to about it or fixing on a time where you are planning to come out - aka - when you leave home, could be helpful

Reply 11

ohnanailikenanas

OP

2

Well, I am planning to come out to a couple more close friends and I'm planning to come out to some family when I'm at university (Sept next year or year after that as I have not decided whether or not to have a gap year). It sucks living in a homophobic town as well.

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Reply 12

ohnanailikenanas

OP

2

On a brighter note, I came out to another friend yesterday. It couldn't have gone better. Her reaction was "Okay. (: You're still C!"

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Reply 13

Wheezy

12

Tell those that you think won't care, cause chances are, they won't. I've been out for almost three years and have never had any homophobic abuse or issues at all, whether that's just lucky I'm not sure, but I am proud of who I am and am not ashamed for people to know. It takes time for sure, but you'll get there. In your situation, the thing to keep you going might be to focus on going to university of your gap year when you can have a fresh start and be who you are

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