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perfectionism seriously ruining my life
Hey this is problem that has been really doing my head in for the last few years. Well as the title says, whenever something isin't perfect it really does my head in. Whenever I make a mistake in work (today I made a minor mistake) and I just couldn't stop thinking about it and I felt a lot of guilt for messing up, even though my boss said it was fine as it was like my first mistake in like 3 months. Today I crossed a road in central London when trying to get to work and I kinda daydreamed and walked in front of a moving car which braked in time. Even though I was fine I felt so much guilt for what I had done and its been on my head all day. A big problem with me constantly thinking about my mistakes means I get really little sleep
as I think about it in bed. I even remembered once when I was writing for my PS for Oxford last year, even though i finished it I didn't sleep for 2 days as I was rewriting it non stop to try to make it better (teacher said initial PS was already good enough). But its not just major things though. If say I remebered my lounge curtain was slightly out of place I can't sleep until I make it right.
This might sound very stupid but it is seriously getting to me. I really don't know what to do and I just can't stop thinking about these supposedly pointless things. I tried relaxing and taking long vacations away from any responsibilities but they are pretty pointless because they don't work and If I made a mistake in the vacations I can't stop thinking about it.
as I think about it in bed. I even remembered once when I was writing for my PS for Oxford last year, even though i finished it I didn't sleep for 2 days as I was rewriting it non stop to try to make it better (teacher said initial PS was already good enough). But its not just major things though. If say I remebered my lounge curtain was slightly out of place I can't sleep until I make it right.This might sound very stupid but it is seriously getting to me. I really don't know what to do and I just can't stop thinking about these supposedly pointless things. I tried relaxing and taking long vacations away from any responsibilities but they are pretty pointless because they don't work and If I made a mistake in the vacations I can't stop thinking about it.
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You just have to learn not to be so hard on yourself, no one is perfect.
I think the problem lies in the fact that you think you're a perfectionist. You aren't and therefore you're trying too hard to make sure that you don't make any mistakes.
Dude you need to chill out, step out of your character and take a look around your environment. Soak up the sights because life is too short and you never know what good things you might miss!
p.s... Use a spell check or something
Dude you need to chill out, step out of your character and take a look around your environment. Soak up the sights because life is too short and you never know what good things you might miss!
p.s... Use a spell check or something
Have you tried taking up a hobby? Or a more productive past time? Something that you can use your focus on to accomplish your goals other than applying it to everything you do?
You know, build a model boat from scratch etc.
I think you should take up a martial art too. They'll teach you how to focus your skills in different areas so that you can control them easier.
You know, build a model boat from scratch etc.
I think you should take up a martial art too. They'll teach you how to focus your skills in different areas so that you can control them easier.
I suffer mildly from what you're experiencing but im slowly getting over it by making myself not making things symmetrical, equidistant from eachother and generally looking neat. Perfecitionism doesn't affect my active life its more concerned with object placement, its really quite annoying because like you said about curtains if i know a cup is out of place on the floor below ill get up out of bed and put it back in the right place 
i don't know why lol. But yeah just try and make yourself look at and deal with imperfect things. If a curtain is out of place, lie there and think about it, but really try and force yourself not to sort it out. Hopefully eventually you will learn how unimportant it is x
i don't know why lol. But yeah just try and make yourself look at and deal with imperfect things. If a curtain is out of place, lie there and think about it, but really try and force yourself not to sort it out. Hopefully eventually you will learn how unimportant it is x
The Guru
You're not both Taureans are you?
What an unusual question to ask...?
i know this conversation is a little dead, but have you considered the possibility that it might be OCD.. obsessive compulsive disorder? It gets its reputation from the stereotype of someone washing their hands a million times a day but it can be any kind of compulsive behaviors (fixing curtains) or obsessive thoughts (thinking about your mistakes).
Some people need behavioural therapy and medication...I seriously doubt that you do. But there are somet things you should probably think about...
You mentioned that it's been going on for a few years... sometimes obsessive/compulsive behavior is triggered by stress, or even feeling like you don't have control over a particular situtation or circumstance in your life. Can you remember anything significant that happened around when you started acting like this? Does it get worse when you're stressed out or under pressure?
I don't mean to go on with the psyco-babble stuff.. but you should consider if your behaviours are a way of a)avoiding something difficult or stressful or b) a way to exercise control.
Like, yea it's easy to say..well just stop trying to be perfect. But it's likely that that is not the entire issue if it's part of an anxiety problem. Depression is thrown around left and right in these topics, but saying like, 'stop being so sad' isn't a viable option.
So think about what might have caused it. If you find however, that you bite your nails, pick your skin, or pull your hair a lot or if you're finding that your 'perfectionism' is interfering with your life.. then you might want to talk to a doctor. xx
Some people need behavioural therapy and medication...I seriously doubt that you do. But there are somet things you should probably think about...
You mentioned that it's been going on for a few years... sometimes obsessive/compulsive behavior is triggered by stress, or even feeling like you don't have control over a particular situtation or circumstance in your life. Can you remember anything significant that happened around when you started acting like this? Does it get worse when you're stressed out or under pressure?
I don't mean to go on with the psyco-babble stuff.. but you should consider if your behaviours are a way of a)avoiding something difficult or stressful or b) a way to exercise control.
Like, yea it's easy to say..well just stop trying to be perfect. But it's likely that that is not the entire issue if it's part of an anxiety problem. Depression is thrown around left and right in these topics, but saying like, 'stop being so sad' isn't a viable option.
So think about what might have caused it. If you find however, that you bite your nails, pick your skin, or pull your hair a lot or if you're finding that your 'perfectionism' is interfering with your life.. then you might want to talk to a doctor. xx
i think this would sum me up the most,
http://www.ocduk.org/1/pureo.htm
http://www.ocduk.org/1/pureo.htm
Carl1982
You just have to learn not to be so hard on yourself, no one is perfect.
I think you're forgetting about me.
im no doctor, but this really sounds like a similar problem to my boyfriend... it sounds like a form of OCD, simply because you are getting so stressed about it. there are loads of websites and things where you can self diagnose, but i really think that you should talk to some1 (friend, councellor, doctor) who can give you advice on how to ease the stress.
As i said, i am not a doctor, so please talk to someone!
Good luck x0x
As i said, i am not a doctor, so please talk to someone!
Good luck x0x
yeah, maybe you have a touch of OCD? it could be worth talking to a doctor about it as they may be able to help you with the obsessivesness - don't be hard on yourself about it, from other things i have read on this forum you seem very academic, intelligent etc!
There is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist. If you never settle for anything less than the best thats exactly what you end up with - the best.
If you settle for faults, thats what your life will be
If you settle for faults, thats what your life will be
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