Vietnamese girlfriend wants to move to England to live with me...
A bit of a strange one. I went backpacking around SE Asia for 6 months, ended up spending 3 months (December 2013 - March 2014) of that in Vietnam. Met a local girl, we became really close. We met up almost every day for the 3 months I was there. When I went back to England, we talked everyday on Facebook and Skype. On the weekend, sometimes we would chat up to 8 hours without even realising it. Eventually, after 6 months of being best friends, we admitted out feelings for each other. She hinted about a relationship. Now I should say, I'm very cautious, it's just my personality. I like to take relationships SLOW. I hate to rush things. I liked this girl so so much but it would be a LDR so I needed time to let it sink in. Anyway a month later I asker her out, 7 months after first meeting her.
I came back to Vietnam in November 2014 to stay here for 5 months. After the first 2 months I lived in a rented apartment, in the third and forth month (It's the forth month now, I will leave in 1 month) I lived at her house.
The problem I have, she wants to come to England and live with me and start university in September 2015. I told her it's too soon, I just want to take things slowly. Her parents are going to give her money to study abroad, but it's just enough to pay for the university fees, not pay for rent, that's why she wants to stay at my house.
Although we've talked everyday for 1 year and 3 months and I love her very much, I feel like her coming to England is too big of a step, too soon. It's obviously a massive commitment for me and I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm not even sure she's ready. She isn't very independent and has been brought up very sheltered and I know she will miss her parents like crazy, but am I just being selfish?
Just want opinions from 'the outside' really.
I came back to Vietnam in November 2014 to stay here for 5 months. After the first 2 months I lived in a rented apartment, in the third and forth month (It's the forth month now, I will leave in 1 month) I lived at her house.
The problem I have, she wants to come to England and live with me and start university in September 2015. I told her it's too soon, I just want to take things slowly. Her parents are going to give her money to study abroad, but it's just enough to pay for the university fees, not pay for rent, that's why she wants to stay at my house.
Although we've talked everyday for 1 year and 3 months and I love her very much, I feel like her coming to England is too big of a step, too soon. It's obviously a massive commitment for me and I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm not even sure she's ready. She isn't very independent and has been brought up very sheltered and I know she will miss her parents like crazy, but am I just being selfish?
Just want opinions from 'the outside' really.
(edited 9 years ago)
She played you for a fool cuzzz. All she want is that passport
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by juicy booty
haha funny, however most probably true.
Thread didn't post properly, came up with and error when I posted it and then only half of it posted. Here's what I was supposed to write:
A bit of a strange one. I went backpacking around SE Asia for 6 months, ended up spending 3 months (December 2013 - March 2014) of that in Vietnam. Met a local girl, we became really close. We met up almost every day for the 3 months I was there. When I went back to England, we talked everyday on Facebook and Skype. On the weekend, sometimes we would chat up to 8 hours without even realising it. Eventually, after 6 months of being best friends, we admitted out feelings for each other. She hinted about a relationship. Now I should say, I'm very cautious, it's just my personality. I like to take relationships SLOW. I hate to rush things. I liked this girl so so much but it would be a LDR so I needed time to let it sink in. Anyway a month later I asker her out, 7 months after first meeting her.
I came back to Vietnam in November 2014 to stay here for 5 months. After the first 2 months I lived in a rented apartment, in the third and forth month (It's the forth month now, I will leave in 1 month) I lived at her house.
The problem I have, she wants to come to England and live with me and start university in September 2015. I told her it's too soon, I just want to take things slowly. Her parents are going to give her money to study abroad, but it's just enough to pay for the university fees, not pay for rent, that's why she wants to stay at my house.
Although we've talked everyday for 1 year and 3 months and I love her very much, I feel like her coming to England is too big of a step, too soon. It's obviously a massive commitment for me and I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm not even sure she's ready. She isn't very independent and has been brought up very sheltered and I know she will miss her parents like crazy, but am I just being selfish?
Just want opinions from 'the outside' really.
A bit of a strange one. I went backpacking around SE Asia for 6 months, ended up spending 3 months (December 2013 - March 2014) of that in Vietnam. Met a local girl, we became really close. We met up almost every day for the 3 months I was there. When I went back to England, we talked everyday on Facebook and Skype. On the weekend, sometimes we would chat up to 8 hours without even realising it. Eventually, after 6 months of being best friends, we admitted out feelings for each other. She hinted about a relationship. Now I should say, I'm very cautious, it's just my personality. I like to take relationships SLOW. I hate to rush things. I liked this girl so so much but it would be a LDR so I needed time to let it sink in. Anyway a month later I asker her out, 7 months after first meeting her.
I came back to Vietnam in November 2014 to stay here for 5 months. After the first 2 months I lived in a rented apartment, in the third and forth month (It's the forth month now, I will leave in 1 month) I lived at her house.
The problem I have, she wants to come to England and live with me and start university in September 2015. I told her it's too soon, I just want to take things slowly. Her parents are going to give her money to study abroad, but it's just enough to pay for the university fees, not pay for rent, that's why she wants to stay at my house.
Although we've talked everyday for 1 year and 3 months and I love her very much, I feel like her coming to England is too big of a step, too soon. It's obviously a massive commitment for me and I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm not even sure she's ready. She isn't very independent and has been brought up very sheltered and I know she will miss her parents like crazy, but am I just being selfish?
Just want opinions from 'the outside' really.
I mean I guess you could say you're being selfish in that she needs a place to stay during university and you've already been together for a while. However, I think I'd prefer to be considered as selfish than risk things going horribly wrong. If something happens in your relationship and you don't feel you can live together anymore... what are you going to do? Kick her out? Put up with it and both of you be miserable? I don't know about international prices, but try to encourage her to look into a cheaper university in the UK, you can travel much easier to a different city than a different country so you'd still see each other more. Maybe help her look for bursaries/scholarships that will help with the costs. My thinking is, the lower the fees are for her the more she has for accommodation.
If you aren't ready to live with her on a more permanent basis then don't, no matter how long you have already been together.
It COULD turn out fine, and you'll think you worried for nothing, especially as you have lived together before. But it is a big risk.
If you aren't ready to live with her on a more permanent basis then don't, no matter how long you have already been together.
It COULD turn out fine, and you'll think you worried for nothing, especially as you have lived together before. But it is a big risk.
Yes. As someone who has spent long periods in South East Asia, including 2 years in Malaysia and several months in Vietnam and having a close family member living in Vietnam also, I would be very cautious. A large number of girls there will jump at the chance for a foreign boyfriend. Now I do alright with girls over here in the UK, but in Vietnam girls are all over me, it is ridiculous! Not that I don't like the attention. But I don't suddenly get better looking and more charismatic when I visit, the only variable that has changed is that I am an exotic 'wealthy' foreigner over there, whereas here I am just a normal guy. The big difference is that from the point of view of the girls, obvious material gains for being in a relationship with me are huge there, compared to what they are over here.
But that's not to say she definitely isn't genuine. I have met so many great people in Vietnam of both genders who would never try to take advantage of me in such a way. There is no other culture I enjoy more and I would like to live there at some point for a few years. However, I have also met some girls who only wanted to be friends (or more) with me for ulterior motives. One of those girls I dated for a while and remained in regular contact with her a almost a year after I came home, but it took some outside perspective for me to come to the realisation that she wasn't genuine. I was very disappointed to have misjudged someone so completely, as it wasn't the first time. My point is that there is a high likelihood she is doing this with material gain (passport, money etc) as her primary aim and her relationship with you, a distant second.
If she can pay for her own flight and wants to stay with you for a relatively brief period or something, then there's nothing wrong with that. But I personally wouldn't invest the money into buying her a flight.
But that's not to say she definitely isn't genuine. I have met so many great people in Vietnam of both genders who would never try to take advantage of me in such a way. There is no other culture I enjoy more and I would like to live there at some point for a few years. However, I have also met some girls who only wanted to be friends (or more) with me for ulterior motives. One of those girls I dated for a while and remained in regular contact with her a almost a year after I came home, but it took some outside perspective for me to come to the realisation that she wasn't genuine. I was very disappointed to have misjudged someone so completely, as it wasn't the first time. My point is that there is a high likelihood she is doing this with material gain (passport, money etc) as her primary aim and her relationship with you, a distant second.
If she can pay for her own flight and wants to stay with you for a relatively brief period or something, then there's nothing wrong with that. But I personally wouldn't invest the money into buying her a flight.
(edited 9 years ago)
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