Marriage

my boyfriend of 5 months spontaneously proposed to me. i'm thrilled to bits by this, it wasn't anything official, but of course i said yes. we haven't slept together yet, but i'd still call it a serious relationship.

the thing that i'm worried about is other people's views, i couldn't tell any of my friends / family as they'd feel i'm only rushing into this as he's my first proper boyfriend. i wouldn't be happier with anyone else though, although i am only 18. and it's not like we're getting married tomorrow, we're talking a few years at least. what are your thoughts on this? :s-smilie:

Reply 1

Talya

16

Well at 18 I'd say it was a bit early. Now I am 19 as is my bf but we were together 3 years before he proposed (a few weeks ago), so I'd say 5 months AND before you've even slept together is a bit early.

How are you going to tell your parents? As that is the problem I am having atm, his parents were fine with it but I think my mum will disown me.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

i don't think i'd tell my parents until he asked me really properly.. they may disown and think i'm being stupid and infatuated at the moment!

Reply 3

Nix!

11

I have no intention to get married until I'm in my late 20s, onwards.

Cynicism is a bitter existence but it adds a 'realistic' perception into situations.

The chances are you are not meant for each other. Relationships this early very rarely stay the distance as the people involved often have a lot to learn about how to address the other sex. Five months is far too soon to be considering marriage. If you're still blissfully together in five years time, then consider it but until then - do not.

Too many marriages break down in this day and age because people do not realise what their vows actually mean.

Reply 4

Nix!

11

Anonymous

i don't think i'd tell my parents until he asked me really properly.. they may disown and think i'm being stupid and infatuated at the moment!

Welcome to the honeymoon period.

Heed my advice.

Reply 5

TrentEnd

2

Anonymous

my boyfriend of 5 months spontaneously proposed to me. i'm thrilled to bits by this, it wasn't anything official, but of course i said yes. we haven't slept together yet, but i'd still call it a serious relationship.

the thing that i'm worried about is other people's views, i couldn't tell any of my friends / family as they'd feel i'm only rushing into this as he's my first proper boyfriend. i wouldn't be happier with anyone else though, although i am only 18. and it's not like we're getting married tomorrow, we're talking a few years at least. what are your thoughts on this? :s-smilie:

oh dear...think it over for a second. I know what it's like to be young and 'in love'. You think that it's forever and that he/she's the one, but it doesn't happen like that. You're only 18, and people grow up and grow apart. He's also your first bf, so how do you know you wouldn't be happier with anyone else, as you've nothing to compare it to.

I'mnot sure what's worse, him for proposing,or you for accepting. Sorry if it sounds like I'mbeing harsh,but you have your whole life ahead to find someone, so while you are happy, just have fun, but nothing more!

Reply 6

Llamaaa

15

I am 19 and got engaged at 18. My fiance's parents know, but I haven't officially told mine yet. My fiance is hopefully coming at easter to formally ask my hand in marriage to my parents. A lot of parents like/expect that. I think 5 months is waaaay to soon though. You must still be in the getting to know each other stage. I wouldn't say that the fact that you haven't slept together is an issue since many people don't do that until they are actually married. You shouldn't see engagement as nothing particularly serious since you aren't getting married for a couple of years. It is a significant thing and you should only accept if you are certain that it will lead to marriage and that you won't break up. And I doubt that after 5 months you are actually in a position to say that.

Reply 7

tinkerbellejess

13

If it's not official then are you really engaged? Or has he just said "one day, I think I'll marry you"?

I think 5 months is a bit soon, I've been with my bf nearly 2years and I'm still learning new stuff about him that annoys me or surprises me or whatever, and I'm sure I'll discover more when we move in together!

Reply 8

Talya

16

helenkr

I wouldn't say that the fact that you haven't slept together is an issue since many people don't do that until they are actually married.

What century are you living in!?

Reply 9

Llamaaa

15

this one, but it is true that many people wait. There are whole clubs for them. Just saying, they do exist, so it's not so strange not to have sex before you get engaged.

Reply 10

Talya

16

helenkr

this one, but it is true that many people wait. There are whole clubs for them. Just saying, they do exist, so it's not so strange not to have sex before you get engaged.

To me, 'many' would imply a majority. A more appropriate word would have been 'some'.

Reply 11

Llamaaa

15

in that case I apologise for being misleading :smile:

Reply 12

hippieglitter

19

Anonymous

my boyfriend of 5 months spontaneously proposed to me. i'm thrilled to bits by this, it wasn't anything official, but of course i said yes. we haven't slept together yet, but i'd still call it a serious relationship.

the thing that i'm worried about is other people's views, i couldn't tell any of my friends / family as they'd feel i'm only rushing into this as he's my first proper boyfriend. i wouldn't be happier with anyone else though, although i am only 18. and it's not like we're getting married tomorrow, we're talking a few years at least. what are your thoughts on this? :s-smilie:

5 months? Isn't that a bit soon? I'm dying for my boyfriend to propose we've been together for just over a year. I wouldn't have said yes after 5 months.

Reply 13

foxiroxi

10

I've been with my boyfriend over a year and don't want to get engaged yet....

Just think it over carefully but if you think it's the right thing then congratulations and good luck. :smile:

Reply 14

pinkfairybeth

Talya

To me, 'many' would imply a majority. A more appropriate word would have been 'some'.

since when did 'many' ever mean a majority? It just means 'a number of'.

Reply 15

Trigger

18

why ruin your life with marriage?b

Reply 16

Trousers

11

Anonymous

my boyfriend of 5 months spontaneously proposed to me. i'm thrilled to bits by this, it wasn't anything official, but of course i said yes. we haven't slept together yet, but i'd still call it a serious relationship.

the thing that i'm worried about is other people's views, i couldn't tell any of my friends / family as they'd feel i'm only rushing into this as he's my first proper boyfriend. i wouldn't be happier with anyone else though, although i am only 18. and it's not like we're getting married tomorrow, we're talking a few years at least. what are your thoughts on this? :s-smilie:

Just look at some of the things you've said about this: 'I'm only rushing into this as he's my first proper boyfriend'; 'I am only 18' 'it wasn't anything official' - it doesn't sound like you're convinced! Are you worried about what your family and friends will say because you know they'd be right?

If you don't intend to get married for a few years anyway, why get engaged now? If you know you love each other, isn't that enough?

I know you probably got caught up in the moment, and it must be very hard to say no, but perhaps you should think about taking it a bit more slowly.

Engagement is a commitment to get married and spend the rest of your life with someone - not just a 'next step' in a relationship. As far as I'm concerned, if you get engaged to someone you should be ready to marry that person tomorrow, in theory. Don't just get engaged and then hope you'll get to know them better over the next few years.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

hmm thanks for the responses guys :-) i can see the points in the negative ones.. i wouldn't call us properly engaged no - he hasn't asked my parents yet (probably not for a long while) and no ring. i think it is because it's a long distance thing (university) and he wanted to show his commitment to me. we are still getting to know each other yes, but i did know him quite well for a few months before we got together

Reply 18

silverbolt

19

Trigger

why ruin your life with marriage?b

can i go out with you?

those are my feelings exactly, my tgf wants marriage and kids and everything but me no chance i like my indapendance too much to ever give it up.

Anyway OP engagement means abosolutely nothing its just as easy to end an engagement as to end any relationship, theres no paperwork no dividing the stereo and who gets the dog stuff when you end an engagement. The cynic in me says go for it engagement doesnt mean anything its not written in stone.

But other than that 5 months and havent even had sex yet, seems far too early

Reply 19

natsing

2

I got engaged after 4 months of being with my bf, we're getting married next year. I'm 26, but he' just 21, so nearer the OPs age, we are both 100% sure that this is it, and are committed to each other, but we didn't tell anyone until we started living together at 6 months, so that we would be taken more seriously. To the OP, I say if it feels right then go for it, but have caution too, you are young, its an LDR and you never know how you'll feel in a few months, maybe consider living together first before you take such a big step.

Marriage

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you