Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by WBZ144)
    Girl, I know what it's like to be annoyed and followed around by a guy who can't take a hint and it does make me a bit paranoid when stopped by a random guy in a public area but I think that you are overreacting. I hate to say it because a lot of times girls have been told that they are overreacting in situations where they really aren't, but you can't be sure what his intentions were. Yes, it's annoying to have someone bother you when you're trying to read in peace, but he did go away after you were short with him. The desperate, creepy ones demand that you talk to them, then call you arrogant when you refuse.

    But you certainly don't deserve the sexist insults coming from other users here.
    I think any girl would be slightly paranoid when approached by a stranger in a public area (unless they are actually on the pull) and it's not my fault or the fault of any other women that society is built in that way. I don't think I overreacted in my initial post, its the other people on here that have blown int out of proportion.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    that's BS and you know it. Men on here themselves admit it. If a man is desperate enough and frustrated enough, he will approach anyone regardless of looks. I've seen guys on here constantly moaning about how easy it is for girls to get approached, how women always have the upper hand. So what you've said contradicts many, many posts.

    why do you hate me so much though? what have I done to you personally that makes you want to hurt me by criticizing the way I look?
    There are always exceptions to a rule. A small number of men have such low standards that they would bang anything with a pulse. Most men have standards though, and would find a lot more pleasure in choking the chicken, instead of banging a fatty.

    I don't hate you, I don't know who you are (thankfully), but I had to call you out on your delusions.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    This actually happens quite commonly, no idea why men think libraries are a place to pick up women lol
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Allie4)
    This actually happens quite commonly, no idea why men think libraries are a place to pick up women lol
    yeah i don't know either, it's quite strange.
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by Trinculo)
    Let's get real, there was only one issue here, and it wasn't anything to do with the library.

    You didn't fancy the dude; ergo he's creepy and desperate.

    If it had been Benedict coming up to you in the library, presumably it would be a whirlwind of romance, and just the thing you'd expect from a sensitive, intellectual man- rather than the tacky experience of a horrid club or bar.
    uhh doesn't the same apply to men too though?

    when its a fat/ugly woman its harassment
    when its a hot woman, its welcomed
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    uhh doesn't the same apply to men too though?

    when its a fat/ugly woman its harassment
    when its a hot woman, its welcomed
    No.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    uhh doesn't the same apply to men too though?

    when its a fat/ugly woman its harassment
    when its a hot woman, its welcomed
    yes it does.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    I wonder if we can move this thread back onto a constructive topic?

    I am wondering, were you looking for some advice on how to manage a similar situation in future? Or were you simply seeking some thoughts on why such incidents occur?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _Sinnie_)
    I wonder if we can move this thread back onto a constructive topic?

    I am wondering, were you looking for some advice on how to manage a similar situation in future? Or were you simply seeking some thoughts on why such incidents occur?
    Constructive answers was all I was looking for, not torrents of abuse.
    Both really. I don't expect it to happen again but it hasn't been the first time and I just wonder why it happens and what I can do about it.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    yes it does.
    You are not a man.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    Constructive answers was all I was looking for, not torrents of abuse.
    Both really. I don't expect it to happen again but it hasn't been the first time and I just wonder why it happens and what I can do about it.
    My first thought is that I'm quite curious about why you feel it wouldn't happen again, your post and subsequent responses have shown that you view yourself as someone who people wouldn't want to talk to. I can understand that people may hold that view of themselves, but surely you appreciate that on the whole, people do chat to one another? These threads are always very tricky as we start to delve into some of the psychological workings of our behaviours and airing those in a public place is rarely a good idea (certainly in such an uncontained manner as this). I would genuinely consider discussing your overarching concerns about this with someone.

    As to why these things occur. I think you are potentially conflating someone being nice to you, or making an enquiry with someone hitting on you, or being after sex. Sure, often these are not mutually exclusive, but it also doesn't have to be creepy.

    If they were just being friendly, or asking a question. Then perhaps you were the closest person? Or you looked approachable? Or even you look a little awkward, but they also feel awkward and sensed a kindred spirit?

    There is a good chance they were talking to you to chat you up (I don't think may people overtly seek a hook up in libraries). I can appreciate that you may not be interested in that, and that is fine; you may also be very busy and not wish to be disturbed, and that is also fine. But they don't know that. I might ask someone if their book/series was good, especially if I had heard about it or it was in a genre I was looking at.

    The real measure of the inappropriateness is how persistent they were. Unfortunately, there are unpleasant people wherever we go. Fortunately, most people really aren't like that.

    How to deal with it? You can't really ignore them and at first, it is just innocent questions (would you be annoyed if someone on the street asked you for the time?) The reality is, for the first 2/3 questions, you just grin and bear it, at the end of the day you are in public and people can and will talk to you. Once it gets to a point that overstays its welcome, smile and apologise, "I'm sorry, I'm really into the book right now, do you mind?"
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    Thank you for informing me, I wouldn't have guessed.
    The same does not apply to men. Men would just laugh about it with their mates after if a fat woman 'harassed' them. It's nothing. That's if we even thought there was anything more to it than asking about a book in the first place, which I doubt.

    Men are full of hypocrisy and double standards.
    OK. Well enjoy the company of your six cats, Ben & Jerry's & Adele CDs.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DonaldTrump12)
    Guy talks to girl about books.

    In a library.

    Call the ****ing police


    This made my day
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    uhh doesn't the same apply to men too though?

    when its a fat/ugly woman its harassment
    when its a hot woman, its welcomed
    No.

    If a man gets harassed by a tubby/ug, he'll probably still welcome it unless she's obviously homicidal.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Trinculo)
    Let's get real, there was only one issue here, and it wasn't anything to do with the library.

    You didn't fancy the dude; ergo he's creepy and desperate.

    If it had been Benedict coming up to you in the library, presumably it would be a whirlwind of romance, and just the thing you'd expect from a sensitive, intellectual man- rather than the tacky experience of a horrid club or bar.
    Oh if only dreams came true.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Lol everyone is so rude for no reason xD Good old tsr.

    I had a creepy old examiner rub my arm and call me a "good girl" and I'm not remotely attractive either.

    Creepy will always be creepy no matter what you look like or where you are.
    • Political Ambassador
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Ah yes, the library. Where men frequent to get the ladies. Harry Potter is a babe magnet.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Lol everyone is so rude for no reason xD Good old tsr.

    I had a creepy old examiner rub my arm and call me a "good girl" and I'm not remotely attractive either.

    Creepy will always be creepy no matter what you look like or where you are.
    Nah but there's a difference, there was no need for that and there was some dodgy af physical contact.

    A person talking to you about a BOOK in a LIBRARY and being called creepy is stupid
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    So I went to the library today just to pass the time and I was sitting there reading, minding my own business when this dodgy looking man comes up to me and asks if i know what time the library closes. I thought he genuinely wanted to know so I told him it closes at eight. But then he asks me if the book im reading is any good (Harry potter and the cursed child). Not wishing to engage in further conversation, i tell him yes and return to by book. Then he asks if the other harry potter books are good, and I say yes they are, trying to make myself quite clear that I wish to be alone, at which point he goes away.
    I'm just surprised and slightly disturbed at the desperate measures guys will resort to with complete strangers just to get the attention of someone from the opposite sex. I'm not even remotely attractive, and if this happens again I intend to make myself quite clear and say that I just wish to read my book in peace.
    It was just a bit pathetic and creepy really and it ruined my inner peace just a little bit. Not a lot, just a bit. I shouldnt have to endure that. And in a library too, of all places.
    Why are you offended because somebody dared to ask you a question? Get a grip.

    But it sounds like you just want an echo chamber of people agreeing with you that he was being creepily trying to have sex with you, in which case you're right, people shouldn't talk to you.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PhilipG1)
    Nah but there's a difference, there was no need for that and there was some dodgy af physical contact.

    A person talking to you about a BOOK in a LIBRARY and being called creepy is stupid
    Yes but maybe it's because of the setting? I know it really freaked me out because I was alone in the exam room and it was so quiet. I'm guessing it could be similar for her because it's so quiet and generally not a place where people talk.

    Okay but the arm rubbing and everything was a bit extreme and I agree it's not the same.

    Omg I can still smell his awful breath in my face.
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
    Useful resources
    Bizarre things students have spent their loans onThings you should budget for at uni

    Sponsored features:

    Making money from your own website

    Need some cash?

    How to make money running your own website.

    Bianca Miller, runner-up on The Apprentice

    Handle your digital footprint

    What would an employer find out about you on Google? Find out how to take control.

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.