Why do I wish I wasn't always working but then when i'm not working I feel guilty?

I'm a college student at the moment, but even in high school all I did is work work work (it paid off for my GCSEs). I have a lot of revision to do, coursework etc. so i'm generally always busy. When i'm working I often wish I had more free time, but tell myself the work will be worth it. However, I've just broken up for a two week Easter break and honestly trying to "have a break" is killing me. I slept in Saturday morning and watched a film with my family, but then in the afternoon I was bored stiff and so I did some Maths revision. I volunteer on Sundays so revision wasn't on my mind, but when I came home I still did a bit more! Then, on Sunday evening, I decided enough was enough and tomorrow I would get back to work. When i'm not working I feel unbelievably guilty, like not doing work is so wrong of me. Sometimes, I don't feel like I deserve to have fun. So, anyway, I packed a lunch and found myself at my local library at 9am in the morning working and didn't leave until 4pm. I've came home (trying to relax again) and i'm feeling guilty once more. Do any other students feel like this??? I rarely see my friends and have never once gone to a proper "party" despite being 17. People tell me that i'm missing out ALL THE TIME, but, honestly, I don't care. That would just make me feel more guilty and it's not worth the hastle. I'd rather stay up until 10pm on a Saturday night doing Maths instead. What do I do to take my mind off work and stop feeling so guilty?

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 1

jamiieh

hello! i can definitely relate! honestly, almost my entire friend group struggles with the same sort of issue: our workload is such a constant stream that taking any time off can make us feel really guilty about all the school-related stuff we're not doing... one thing we've somewhat worked out amongst ourselves is that its much easier to forget about schoolwork if you're doing things with other people. as a generally anxious person i know that when left to my own devices, my thoughts sorta snowball and my worries end up waaaay beyond anything reasonable. if you can plan to do things with friends or family, they serve as a handy distraction, keeping your mind busy. i also reckon spending time with people we like is just generally good for us: we are wired to be social!

one thing i've found particularly good as a break is exercise! again, its feel-good effect is biological! my friends and i do a drop-in hot yoga class on friday nights sometimes... we're often not the most elegant bunch, but its fun to do with a group, and your mind is much more occupied with keeping your balancing or working a specific muscle or "how on earth am i supposed to do that" than anything else. the other thing about exercise is it targets a different brand of guilt, and coming home worn out and ready to sleep makes it hard to jump right into math homework and a lot easier to be satisfied with yourself (i've personally found!)

when it comes to the kinda "teen things" that i've also been told i'm supposed to enjoy at my age (also 17!), i don't think you're missing out on all that much... i've been to a couple of parties, and my experience didn't exactly leave me wanting more. i think the most important thing is to find activities, outside of school, that you personally enjoy! whether that's grabbing coffee with a friend, taking up drawing, powering through a TV series in one sitting, or going for a walk in nature... i'm sure you can find some things that make you feel good!

i've noticed, for high achieving students, we all too often end up tying our schoolwork, our grades, to our sense of self-worth... but honestly, you're more than the hours you spend studying, or the marks on your report card! this might be a little bit dramatic, but its whats worked for me: everyone around me (including myself!) is going to live, then die, and it all happens unfortunately quickly! i owe it to myself to feel good, to the best of my ability, within this blip of time i've got! guilt isn't an easy feeling to deal with - it controls so much of my life and motivates a concerning amount of my decisions, but i definitely think you can find things you enjoy to do, that you want to do, that won't ruin the academic bits of your life (if anything, the variety has just made a more generally motivated person)! hope this can be of some help :smile: