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my mum is refusing to go to the hospital

hi

my mums been experiencing really concerning symptoms but she's refusing to go to the hospital for them. she can barely move because she's in so much pain and there's blood when she uses the toilet (sorry TMI). im worried it's something to do with her kidneys (my grandad (her dad) died of kidney failure) because the pain is in her lower back.

please how can i convince her to go to the hospital? she doesn't want to go because she hates hospitals and doesn't want to wait around for ages

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Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
hi

my mums been experiencing really concerning symptoms but she's refusing to go to the hospital for them. she can barely move because she's in so much pain and there's blood when she uses the toilet (sorry TMI). im worried it's something to do with her kidneys (my grandad (her dad) died of kidney failure) because the pain is in her lower back.

please how can i convince her to go to the hospital? she doesn't want to go because she hates hospitals and doesn't want to wait around for ages


when did this start? Why don’t you call the doctors to begin with because then she can make an appointment that she doesn’t have to wait around ages for, she needs to be seen by somebody!
Well ultimately a major part of medical ethics is respecting patient's wishes - if she has capacity and is refusing care, they can't and won't force it on her even if you do get her to the hospital.

I would perhaps suggest instead of trying to push her to go to hospital (by which you presumably mean A&E) if she is adamant she doesn't want to go, you encourage her to make an appointment with her GP. This may be more amenable if she is more familiar with her GP and if it feels to her like a more familiar setting - they may also be able to arrange a telephone appointment initially which could help ease her into the mindset of seeking further care.

Ultimately her GP may well refer her to a specialist in a hospital or advise her to attend A&E, but it may be the first step needed to get her to that end point.
(edited 10 months ago)
Reply 3
Original post by Chloxxxx
when did this start? Why don’t you call the doctors to begin with because then she can make an appointment that she doesn’t have to wait around ages for, she needs to be seen by somebody!


Original post by artful_lounger
Well ultimately a major part of medical ethics is respecting patient's wishes - if she has capacity and is refusing care, they can't and won't force it on her even if you do get her to the hospital.

I would perhaps suggest instead of trying to push her to go to hospital (by which you presumably mean A&E) if she is adamant she doesn't want to go, you encourage her to make an appointment with her GP. This may be more amenable if she is more familiar with her GP and if it feels to her like a more familiar setting - they may also be able to arrange a telephone appointment initially which could help ease her into the mindset of seeking further care.

Ultimately her GP may well refer her to a specialist in a hospital or advise her to attend A&E, but it may be the first step needed to get her to that end point.


she doesn't want to be seen by anyone. my dad is scaring me he keeps saying she's going to die and it's my fault for not doing enough. i don't know what to do anymore im reallt scared
Original post by Anonymous
she doesn't want to be seen by anyone. my dad is scaring me he keeps saying she's going to die and it's my fault for not doing enough. i don't know what to do anymore im reallt scared


I promise it’s not your fault. It’s not your job to sort this out. Could you tell someone else in the family who might be able to persuade her to go to the doctor? To help her and so you’re not left to deal with it
Reply 5
Original post by Teribblestudent
I promise it’s not your fault. It’s not your job to sort this out. Could you tell someone else in the family who might be able to persuade her to go to the doctor? To help her and so you’re not left to deal with it


it's just me her and my dad and he's given up :frown:
call 111 and tell them the whole situation, they can give advice
Original post by Anonymous
she doesn't want to be seen by anyone. my dad is scaring me he keeps saying she's going to die and it's my fault for not doing enough. i don't know what to do anymore im reallt scared

How is it your fault? That makes no sense.
Reply 8
Original post by Chilipeppers31
call 111 and tell them the whole situation, they can give advice


would I be able to speak on my mums behalf or would they get me to put her on the phone?

Original post by artful_lounger
How is it your fault? That makes no sense.


im not doing enough to convince her :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
im not doing enough to convince her :frown:


That's not your responsibility though.
Omds my mum is the same, she has severe aches and pains, blood when she uses the bathroom and just in general feels tired all the time and every few days she just crashes. It's been going on for quite a while but she never listens to me when I tell her to go see a GP. I just try to have a convo about it whenever she's in the mood, as she's quite sick of me bringing it up so often, I don't know if your mum is the same but try to only talk about it when you know she will listen, otherwise don't I guess.

Fingers crossed though that one day they will listen to us :frown:
Reply 11
Original post by artful_lounger
That's not your responsibility though.


why? shes my mum

Original post by pigeonwarrior
Omds my mum is the same, she has severe aches and pains, blood when she uses the bathroom and just in general feels tired all the time and every few days she just crashes. It's been going on for quite a while but she never listens to me when I tell her to go see a GP. I just try to have a convo about it whenever she's in the mood, as she's quite sick of me bringing it up so often, I don't know if your mum is the same but try to only talk about it when you know she will listen, otherwise don't I guess.

Fingers crossed though that one day they will listen to us :frown:


it really is a struggle :frown: bringing it up to my mum ever puts her in a bad mood so I haven't got any idea how to go about it.

i wish you the best too
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
why? shes my mum


Because your mum is your carer and not the other way around. It's only your job to love and worry for her considering you aren't in any position of authority to force her into taking care of herself. Anything that happens isn't your fault at all - if a patient doesn't want treatment it's their choice and fault, not yours. Even doctors cant do anything about that. If this was happening to your best friend instead of you, you wouldn't blame them, would you?

If anything it'd be more your dad's fault than yours considering he's a full grown adult who is blaming and guilt tripping his own child for the potential death of their mother instead of trying himself to amend things (considering his relationship with her is one on equal footing as opposed to a mother-child dynamic, he'd have a much better chance). Not that im saying he is necessarily an awful father - this is a stressful thing to have to go through for everyone involved and idk you all personally.

Essentially, don't blame yourself. It's doubtful that your mum would want that, and it's also completely untrue.

I'm just wishing you the best
Reply 13
Original post by qazws017
Because your mum is your carer and not the other way around. It's only your job to love and worry for her considering you aren't in any position of authority to force her into taking care of herself. Anything that happens isn't your fault at all - if a patient doesn't want treatment it's their choice and fault, not yours. Even doctors cant do anything about that. If this was happening to your best friend instead of you, you wouldn't blame them, would you?

If anything it'd be more your dad's fault than yours considering he's a full grown adult who is blaming and guilt tripping his own child for the potential death of their mother instead of trying himself to amend things (considering his relationship with her is one on equal footing as opposed to a mother-child dynamic, he'd have a much better chance). Not that im saying he is necessarily an awful father - this is a stressful thing to have to go through for everyone involved and idk you all personally.

Essentially, don't blame yourself. It's doubtful that your mum would want that, and it's also completely untrue.

I'm just wishing you the best


thank you. I just feel so helpless in this situation I really don't want my mum to die :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
why? shes my mum



it really is a struggle :frown: bringing it up to my mum ever puts her in a bad mood so I haven't got any idea how to go about it.

i wish you the best too

Ahh thanks, I'm sure we will eventually one day be able to convince them :smile: just gotta stay positive about it
Original post by Anonymous
hi

my mums been experiencing really concerning symptoms but she's refusing to go to the hospital for them. she can barely move because she's in so much pain and there's blood when she uses the toilet (sorry TMI). im worried it's something to do with her kidneys (my grandad (her dad) died of kidney failure) because the pain is in her lower back.

please how can i convince her to go to the hospital? she doesn't want to go because she hates hospitals and doesn't want to wait around for ages


Guilt trip her. It's obviously not toxic in these circumstances because she will probably end up dying if she doesn't go. It'll have to work if she lives you. Say that you want your mom to be around when you have kids(sm like that about the future). Make her feel really guilty and selfish bcs thats the only way she'll go. You're not a bad person for doing so, it's just that the situation demands something this drastic. Dont feel bad, just do it. It's not even for your own sake bcs I'm not kidding she will die. Bleeding when she goes to the toilet and in horrible pain all the time? Already sounds incredibly serious. Dont hesitate in doing this.
Original post by qazws017
Because your mum is your carer and not the other way around. It's only your job to love and worry for her considering you aren't in any position of authority to force her into taking care of herself. Anything that happens isn't your fault at all - if a patient doesn't want treatment it's their choice and fault, not yours. Even doctors cant do anything about that. If this was happening to your best friend instead of you, you wouldn't blame them, would you?

If anything it'd be more your dad's fault than yours considering he's a full grown adult who is blaming and guilt tripping his own child for the potential death of their mother instead of trying himself to amend things (considering his relationship with her is one on equal footing as opposed to a mother-child dynamic, he'd have a much better chance). Not that im saying he is necessarily an awful father - this is a stressful thing to have to go through for everyone involved and idk you all personally.

Essentially, don't blame yourself. It's doubtful that your mum would want that, and it's also completely untrue.

I'm just wishing you the best


Well sometimes (actually a lot of the times), parents aren't the caregivers and there's nothing we can do about that. But it's also wrong just letting her suffer and eventually die bcs of her own irrational decisions and the fact is that it's not only gonna affect her but also her loved ones. A lot. And maybe the daughter doesn't want her mom to die, right? It's possible? You can't just expect her mother to start being responsible bcs she won't.
That's really **** advice form your side considering the situation ngl.

She didnt really sya anything about her dad being in the situation so we can't really guess like that. And yeah, it's obviously not ehr fault, i completely agree with that but she has to take up some action if she doesn't want to face the consequence of her mom dying however ****ed up it is, bcs it is the way it is and it'll stay that way. We don't live in a utopian world where the mother will just realise that she's being stupid as hell(even through she's scared) and realise that there are other people also dependent on her so we can't expect that. There are gonna be real decisions taken in the real world. No way around it or else you're just living w your head in the clouds.
Reply 17
Original post by Anonymous
she doesn't want to be seen by anyone. my dad is scaring me he keeps saying she's going to die and it's my fault for not doing enough. i don't know what to do anymore im reallt scared


Often many close relatives of people who are dying are really scared. The fear of being out of control works for both parties. Talk about those fears and decide how best to do what is best for the person who is in failing health, and for those who witness this and feel helpless.
Reply 18
u mom is being harsh on you and your dad given uo on her is kinda sad 2
i recommend callin 111 and tell them whts goin on
i know wht u mean by are they going to ask to put her through.
that happened when we called 999 for my sister
my parents arent fluent in english so i called they asked hw old i was the second i said 12 this was 3 yrs ago btw
they said they want to tlk to a parent
but i guess if u try mabye she can c ur desperate
and that u need her
i hope this helps.

Original post by Anonymous
hi

my mums been experiencing really concerning symptoms but she's refusing to go to the hospital for them. she can barely move because she's in so much pain and there's blood when she uses the toilet (sorry TMI). im worried it's something to do with her kidneys (my grandad (her dad) died of kidney failure) because the pain is in her lower back.

please how can i convince her to go to the hospital? she doesn't want to go because she hates hospitals and doesn't want to wait around for ages


Original post by Anonymous
it's just me her and my dad and he's given up :frown:
Reply 19
This thread is 2 months old

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