Female acquaintance accepts my offer to pay - interest?

So this female friend/acquaintance and I have been hanging out once every couple of weeks for the past year, getting coffee or lunch and walking around. Previously we've always paid our own way, and it's always remained platonic.

A month ago she helped me big time on an assignment, and I was meaning to treat her to lunch as thanks during our next meeting, but it slipped my mind. So on the second hangout after (today) we got lunch, and I asked "do you mind if I treat you this time?" to which she smiled and said sure! Only after did I mention the great help she was to me last time and thus hint that the intent was showing my gratitude for her help.

Sooo sorry for the rambling, but taking this context into account, I might be reading into that girls who want to remain platonic do NOT want guys to pay for them and potentially lead them on (esp. as our routine had been to pay our own). This girl seemed to be happy I did, and seeing as the intent behind my offer to pay wasn't immediately clear, was she hoping for something more?

Context: both uni students at different institutes, northern EU

End rant, thanks for your patience :smile:

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

It’s a lunch, maybe she already understood why you were paying that time or maybe she didn’t have any money. You offered and she accepted, we are not complicated people that have second, third and foirth meanings behind actions. Based on you paying for lunch I can’t say if she likes you or not. Maybe you’re seeing things that don’t exist?

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

If someone offered to pay me lunch I wouldn’t say no lol

Reply 3

ANM775

20

Original post by Anonymous

So this female friend/acquaintance and I have been hanging out once every couple of weeks for the past year, getting coffee or lunch and walking around. Previously we've always paid our own way, and it's always remained platonic.

A month ago she helped me big time on an assignment, and I was meaning to treat her to lunch as thanks during our next meeting, but it slipped my mind. So on the second hangout after (today) we got lunch, and I asked "do you mind if I treat you this time?" to which she smiled and said sure! Only after did I mention the great help she was to me last time and thus hint that the intent was showing my gratitude for her help.

Sooo sorry for the rambling, but taking this context into account, I might be reading into that girls who want to remain platonic do NOT want guys to pay for them and potentially lead them on (esp. as our routine had been to pay our own). This girl seemed to be happy I did, and seeing as the intent behind my offer to pay wasn't immediately clear, was she hoping for something more?

Context: both uni students at different institutes, northern EU

End rant, thanks for your patience :smile:

she helped you with an assignment and is viewing the lunch as "payment"

sorry bro...

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Hum ok, that makes absolutely no sense and is one of the reasons why society is so wrong nowadays. Women cannot be friends with men is so wrong, I have so many male friends, that aren’t my brothers/family or even gay for that matter. We need to learn to respect each other, and women and men can be platonic. If I like a guy and still hang out with my male friends it doesn’t mean that I want anything with them. When I had a boyfriend I would still hang out with them and 2 of them had girlfriends. If there is trust, this can be done.

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

This does happen but there are also the exception, it all depends on the person and how their relationship is.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Guess basically most of the people I know are all “rare cases”. What are the odd of you having all the “rare cases” of female and male being friends as your friends?

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Makes no sense, that does not happen. Each and every one of us is attracted to different people and we don’t all get attracted to each other just because we hang out more. The same thing should happen to guys that hang out a lot with other guys by your logic, since the only reason why someone would be attracted to another is to stay around that person for a long time. Or are you gonna lecture me saying that that only happens with the opposite sex?

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Oh so just because you don’t have any you can generalise and say dumb things. Alrighty then. Guess the sun revolves around you princess

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

The thing is there is nothing to be careful about. And this is something that a lot of men believe and is an ancient stereotype that needs to be abolished.

Reply 10

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

Hum ok, that makes absolutely no sense and is one of the reasons why society is so wrong nowadays. Women cannot be friends with men is so wrong, I have so many male friends, that aren’t my brothers/family or even gay for that matter. We need to learn to respect each other, and women and men can be platonic. If I like a guy and still hang out with my male friends it doesn’t mean that I want anything with them. When I had a boyfriend I would still hang out with them and 2 of them had girlfriends. If there is trust, this can be done.

Sorry love, but the constant man bashing from women and femnists you hear on a daily basis weather it's the news, mainstream media has it's effects, Men are much more wary of Women's intentions than they ever have been before.Think of it this way, a Man holds a door for a Women out of respect (maybe she's carrying something heavy) the Women will probably label him a misogynist and say it's patronising.

Not a big deal, man.

I think you should try asking her out. There's no need to drag it on for this long honestly. Just shot your gun fam.

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry love, but the constant man bashing from women and femnists you hear on a daily basis weather it's the news, mainstream media has it's effects, Men are much more wary of Women's intentions than they ever have been before.Think of it this way, a Man holds a door for a Women out of respect (maybe she's carrying something heavy) the Women will probably label him a misogynist and say it's patronising.

Who hurt you child, srsly, you are wary of women? Are you actually serious? That makes no sense. If I would say I’m wary of men bc there are rapists you would say bUt NoT aLl MeN aRe RaPiStS. You cannot generalise something like that, you can’t shame all women just because some are s***. There are people like that. And also, what intentions? Do we have a secret agenda in your opinion? Do we all get together to discuss how we are gonna bring men down? Ugh

Reply 14

Observatory

20

LOL

The opposite if anything. Educated North European girls generally don't want men they're interested in sexually to pay for them, because they want to cultivate an image as feminists. They don't feel as threatened by it if they have no sexual interest in you.

Even in less crazy parts of the world, it means nothing. At most she recognises you have sexual interest and is taking you for a ride. More likely she sees it as a polite return of a favour just as a man would.

Reply 15

Observatory

20

Original post by Anonymous

Makes no sense, that does not happen. Each and every one of us is attracted to different people and we don’t all get attracted to each other just because we hang out more. The same thing should happen to guys that hang out a lot with other guys by your logic, since the only reason why someone would be attracted to another is to stay around that person for a long time. Or are you gonna lecture me saying that that only happens with the opposite sex?

Yeah, this primarily happens with women, because female sexuality isn't as physical. You can persuade a woman over time that you have social characteristics she finds attractive. Assuming you actually do have those social characteristics. Conversely the only way a woman is likely to get more attractive to a man over an extended period of time is to lose a lot of weight.

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

Original post by Observatory

Yeah, this primarily happens with women, because female sexuality isn't as physical. You can persuade a woman over time that you have social characteristics she finds attractive. Assuming you actually do have those social characteristics. Conversely the only way a woman is likely to get more attractive to a man over an extended period of time is to lose a lot of weight.

Yes because all a woman most desires is to please and be attracted to men. That is out ultimate goal, we live for them, they are on our minds 24/7. So yea, of course I will lose or gain weight, change my hair, my manner for a man. Because that is what me and other women were born to do right? And no, at least for me and many other women I know you don’t just spend 5 years or wtv time trying to pursuade someone into liking you. That’s for the films and tv shows. That doesn’t happen in real life.

Reply 17

Observatory

20

Original post by Anonymous

Yes because all a woman most desires is to please and be attracted to men. That is out ultimate goal, we live for them, they are on our minds 24/7. So yea, of course I will lose or gain weight, change my hair, my manner for a man. Because that is what me and other women were born to do right? And no, at least for me and many other women I know you don’t just spend 5 years or wtv time trying to pursuade someone into liking you. That’s for the films and tv shows. That doesn’t happen in real life.