I cheated on my girlfriend but can’t tell her - advice needed

For context, me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. It’s been perfect and I really do love her — she’s cute, fun, caring and I would do anything for her. Sometimes she’s very insecure and lacks confident which she works on though.

Well, I’ve not gotten with anyone throughout the whole first year of uni and she did the same. We saw each other once every 2 weeks or so and messaged daily.

But last month we had a rather large row and I was just so mad at her and didn’t feel it. Another girl who I’ve always been attracted to and had a connection with spoke to me and picked me up and regrettably it did lead to a kiss and somehow sex.

The next morning I felt absolutely horrible and told the girl I couldn’t speak with her anymore as she knew I had a girlfriend. I’ve been weighing up everything in my head and feel even worse as I know my girlfriend would never do that to me.

I just can’t tell her as even though it wrecks my conscience, a) I really want to stay with her and love her and b) I know her self esteem and confidence would be absolutely destroyed and I don’t want or can’t have that.

How do I handle the situation especially since we’re meant to be going to Nice in 2 weeks.

And before you answer I do know I don’t deserve her and am a horrible person

For context, me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. It’s been perfect and I really do love her — she’s cute, fun, caring and I would do anything for her. Sometimes she’s very insecure and lacks confident which she works on though.

Well, I’ve not gotten with anyone throughout the whole first year of uni and she did the same. We saw each other once every 2 weeks or so and messaged daily.

But last month we had a rather large row and I was just so mad at her and didn’t feel it. Another girl who I’ve always been attracted to and had a connection with spoke to me and picked me up and regrettably it did lead to a kiss and somehow sex.

The next morning I felt absolutely horrible and told the girl I couldn’t speak with her anymore as she knew I had a girlfriend. I’ve been weighing up everything in my head and feel even worse as I know my girlfriend would never do that to me.

I just can’t tell her as even though it wrecks my conscience, a) I really want to stay with her and love her and b) I know her self esteem and confidence would be absolutely destroyed and I don’t want or can’t have that.

How do I handle the situation especially since we’re meant to be going to Nice in 2 weeks.

And before you answer I do know I don’t deserve her and am a horrible person

I told her I did love her and it was a mistake and she just wouldn’t stop crying and told me I knew she’d be heartbroken and really hurt if I did this but still did it anyway.

She then told me to leave and that’d she didn’t want to speak to me again.

Honestly same thing happened to me with my ex. He cheated on me like you and slept with someone else from tinder. I was completely devastated when I found out. He didn't tell me I found out. I was like feeling someone died i loved in my life suddenly. I can't still understand why he did this to me and why he could do this to me. I can't forgive him even i tried and still love him. Sometimes we all have that moment when we have to let ppl go. I think I can never forgive him. It's hurt but everything will be calm down and time will heal us. Yes sometimes it's hard to forgive and forget when the one we trusted most stabbed the back and they are the one who destroyed our trust issues. We will need to take time again to build our trust and be happy again.

Big hugs, Chloe!

You say you don't understand why he did this to you. Understand that it was nothing to do with you, and this is all on him. You could back and take apart the entire relationship and think about what you could have changed, but know that it would have made no difference. There are people like your ex and the OP who are flawed personalities and won't respond properly in a relationship, no matter how well you behave towards them.

These are very wise words and show you have a strong character and a lovely soul. There are many ways to live your life, and I hope you find happiness in future.

I think your girlfriend's had a perfectly fair reaction to being told that you cheated on her and had sex with another woman instead of trying to sort things out after a row!

Did you include the part where you were prepared to lie and not tell her and came on TSR for advice?

What you do next is nothing. Don't contact her or her friends. And remember that if you ever have a relationship again - which will hopefully not be for at least another 20 years until you have grown up and matured - it requires communication, trust and love.

He should have kept his mouth shut instead of telling her

and heres hoping your future slu t of a girlfriend keeps her mouth shut when she constantly cheats on you.

So I listened to everyone’s advice and decided to tell her last night as the guilt was getting to me.

When I told her, first she just shut off and didn’t say anything and about 5 minutes later she just wouldn’t stop crying. I tried to console her but she kept on just shouting “how could you do this to me?” and “I thought you loved me?” and stuff along those lines.

I told her I did love her and it was a mistake and she just wouldn’t stop crying and told me I knew she’d be heartbroken and really hurt if I did this but still did it anyway.

She then told me to leave and that’d she didn’t want to speak to me again.

I think she’ll come round and I hope she will if I’m persistent and talk to her friends but was she fair in how she reacted? And what do I do next?

I wouldn't be bothered .